Is it normal i wish there was a pill to erase my memory?

Thanks for expressing that. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Yes. I’m familiar with some of the stories that explore the notion of having memory of someone erased.

When I was thinking about it the other day, though, those stories weren’t on my mind. I was daydreaming about how it would feel to be unaffected by the knowledge /interaction with certain people. My line of thought started with my father and how his cruelty has impacted how I perceive the world and myself; there’s just so much pain, it’s difficult to explain it all. Anyway… that particular line of thought led me to explore: how the man I fell in love with a few years ago affected who I am today. And, I came to the conclusion that, without him, life will never feel whole. So, if I lacked an awareness of him, I might be unaffected by his absence.
I miss him, terribly.

I appreciate what you have to say, but…
This goes beyond yearning. And the way I perceive him is in no form an “illusion”. I’m not naïve. I’m an adult who has loved and lost in the past. I have experience. Yet I never expected to feel this way about another person in my lifetime. To say that I’ve “glamorized” what has been lost is insulting to my intelligence and capacity for understanding of human behavior. I saw him for what he truly was; perfect and flawed – full of exquisite beauty and deplorable faults, and I love the exact combination of him. He is the epitome of what I find attractive in a man.

He ended it due to external circumstances (according to what he told me), not something flawed between us. If my memory was erased of him and he returned to my life again, I believe the outcome would be quite different. We fit in a way I never imagined fitting with someone. Under the right circumstances, I believe we would survive.

I admired his ability to articulate himself so eloquently. He is like me, only better; more intelligent, more graceful, more everything. We are similar, only I’m less tame – a feral creature compared with him. We had differences, surely, but they weren’t significant and only served to add interest to our dynamic.

It bothers me that you would suggest that he’s not “worthy.” The truth is, he IS worthy, more worthy than he ever understood.

After my relationship with him ended I’ve attempted to distract myself with other romances. They were nothing but mistakes. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than subject myself to that again. Nuns do it, so I'm sure I can too. Or, perhaps I will find a way to erase my memory of him.

gf