Is it normal i've been thinking about shaving my head.

Since, about the Spring or Summer of this year, I have let my hair be its natural self. It is short and wavy. I have also abandoned using harmful and artificial substances on my hair. The only things I use on my hair is Honey when I wash it and coconut oil to be put on afterwards.

I really like my hair and I think that it suits me well, but lately I find myself desiring to cut it down to my scalp. The subject of my hair has caused me much stress over the years. When I was a child, I was forced to go to the salon and get my hair curled, which I absolutely despised. It took me a long time before I was given the right to not have my hair curled.

I ended up for many years having long and straight hair that was attained by heat and no relaxers, that went all the way down my back and ended somewhere near the top of my ass.
This made me like a little celebrity at the hair salon and when I would go out and sometimes it seemed as if parents wanted their kids to look up to me (my hair!) and aspire to have a mane just as long.

When I was very young, I liked the attention my hair gave me but as I grew older, I grew to hate it because it wasn't me. What I wanted was short hair, preferably in a boyish cut. I fought and pleaded to be allowed to have short hair and time and time again, my mother's mother got her way by undermining my confidence on this issue.

Finally, when I was 16 and after I took a trip to Europe, I was "allowed" the "right" to cut my hair. The people at the salon acted like this was a big thing and took a lot of photos. My mother's mother was the only person being negative. She acted like a immature brat and tried to guilt trip me into not getting my hair cut. Well, I got it cut, but it wasn't short enough. I wanted it to be very short, like a pixie cut or an asymmetrical bob. However, I was met with much accusation from my family. Insinuations that I was gay and that I was deliberately trying to get back at my mother's mother, all of which were not true.

Part of why I feel the need to get rid of my hair, is because I find myself getting scared by certain strand groupings. These strands are unfortunately mimicking the look of a type of phobia that I have. My phobia is a fear of thick black squiggly lines. Another reason is that I have always had a leaning towards Buddhism and I long to train with the Shaolin Nuns. I know that to train with the Shaolin Nuns, one must practice Buddhism and that you are required to shave your head. Even if I don't get to train with the Shaolin Nuns, I will still consider properly practicing Buddhism.

I don't even know exactly how short I should cut my hair. The biggest thing that concerns me is how I will be treated by society. I know that technically speaking I shouldn't give two shits as to what society deems acceptable, but I don't have the best of self-esteems and I have an inferiority complex… I am absolutely terrified that I will be accused of being gay especially, due to the fact that I am androgynous. I am also worried that due to my thinness that people will ask me if I have cancer.

Is this normal?