Is it normal i think love is stress and a burden?

I have a man who loves me absolutely. But I am realising that I find love a huge stress and burden and am starting to see that I don't want anybody to love and care for me. I feel uncomfortable when anyone buys me a gift or does things for me and if my presence costs them any hard-earned money (e.g giving me lifts (fuel costs), buying me a coffee etc). I feel like a nuisance who is compromising their time and money and if I need anything, it must be causing them problems and making their life difficult.

I feel I just want to be a hermit, living totally detached from the world and having nothing to do with society and nobody loving me or caring about me. Only then can I relax and be me because I am not being a problem to somebody by being in their life.

Does anybody else find love a stress and a burden like this?

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 44 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • howaminotmyself

    What you describe isn't love. But have you tried giving some back?

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  • The fact that other people have feelings makes me angry, but sometimes I go up on the roof.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch

    If you really want to be a hermit, be a hermit. Socialization isn't for everyone. Follow your dreams, do what you want to do and be a hermit if that's the only thing in life that will make you happy. However, if you feel that learning to overcome your inferiority complex would make you happy, that would be a good choice too.

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  • Jeaneathean

    You sound like my ex-girlfriend.

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  • kit-kat-bar

    Why don't you feel worthy of others love? Did your heart get broken?

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  • Terence_the_viking

    You're doing it wrong.

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  • thegypsysailor

    Here's one solution to your problem.
    It's not weird or anything, just the story about a guy who sailed around the world alone, nonstop, 1 1/2 times!
    He has some interesting things to say about solitude and self sufficiency.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OzsrJOn9YQE

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    • Tyger

      My question is how on earth do people afford to do these things?

      Due to health and location issues, I have no work and cannot even work "under the table" because there is no facility for such where I live. So literally, I have no income, just a few survival savings that I need to buy food.

      A place to live, a boat etc needs a lot more than I possess to even get started and I have no living family, nobody who could help (and why would or should they anyway?!).

      How do people do this stuff without a large amount of money to get them by?

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      • thegypsysailor

        If this appealed to you, the obvious place to begin would be to crew on other people's boats for the sailing experience. Of course, you wouldn't be alone, but you might find a different sort of person that you could tolerate.
        On my boats, the person on watch was in charge of the cockpit and could ask for solitude if wanted, which would give you 8 hours a day alone.
        On the other hand there are a whole lot of abandoned boats around the states. Of course they wouldn't be in "sail away" condition, but it would be a place to live rent free (at anchor) and all you'd need is a small dinghy to get you to shore and back ($100.00). You could work on other people's boats, learning as you go so what you could repair what you needed to get your boat seaworthy at the same time. Their throw-aways would become your treasures.
        In some areas like the Carolinas and Virginia you might even find a free dock behind someone's house in exchange for maintenance or security.
        I could go on for a book's worth, but I think you get the idea.
        I'm not saying that this is right for you, but if it appeals to you it is quite do-able on very little money. If you read Bernard's books, he probably started with less money than you have and never really had much money, even when he was famous.

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        • Tyger

          This is very interesting and thankyou for replying. You really did well to take such an adventure- hats off to ya! But a tiny place completely alone with a self-sustaining garden would be more my thing. I am from the UK living in Canada (but not a landed immigrant) and so can't work here or in the states for the same reason.

          It has always intrigued me how anyone can do such things without savings or an income. Someone I knew took time to stay at a Buddhist monestry in India but he had a mass of savings from his prior business and is now back working after a couple of years. My idea is for something more permanent. But in a fiscally oriented society, it seems impossible.

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          • thegypsysailor

            "A tiny place completely alone with a self-sustaining garden" sounds OK to me as well, if I have to give up the sea.
            Anyway good luck, I wish you the best.

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            • Tyger

              Thankyou.

              Oh for a way out of this catch 22 of bad health/no money to get that place! I think I am asking the impossible aren't I? People say follow your dreams but when the fiscal system gets in the way, you simply can't! Money sure makes life miserable.

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  • Tyger

    He does not see me as a problem. It is me who feels that in all relationships. I felt it with my parents and I have felt it in relationships since. I feel guilty and a nuisance that I am alive and it costs money and people's time and effort if I am in their lives. If I had no money of my own, I would have to leave him because it would be so wrong having him pay my way. At least I wouldn't feel so bad as a hermit. But how to do it when one is in poverty so cannot afford to buy anywhere.

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