Is it normal i sometimes wish i could live like this?

So I’m 19, graduated high school last year, and still haven’t started college yet. I have no idea when I will, and I get the feeling my mom is too preoccupied with other things to be too concerned (it’s not like she doesn’t care, I just don’t think she understands how important it is). I plan on being an author and to hopefully make enough money off my books to travel the world and write about it and to also do a lot of humanitarian work, but sometimes I look at my ambitions and realize how hard they can be to achieve, especially with my own lack of experience. I’ve never driven a car or had a job before, and I sometimes feel like I’ll never be able to do either. Sometimes I think about just abandoning my dreams and living at home with my mom forever, and never even going outdoors again. Either way I don’t want to get married or have kids. My family always berates me because being the only boy among my siblings I’d be the last one of us with our last name, and while our name is unique, ultimately it’s just a combination of words with no more real meaning than any other words, who cares? I just sometimes want to live like a child again, I can’t remember the last time I felt like that. As soon as I hit ten I tried my best to not let anyone know I still slept with stuffed animals, played with toys, or played imagination games (and in some sort of bizarre example of my in between child and adult stages, I would often make the characters in these games swear and get into gory fights, I even created one story line where I had sex with a girl and we had a daughter when I was about 11, but that’s another story for a different time). I just feel like I spent so much of my childhood trying to act adult that I forgot to have a childhood, and I find myself wanting to not have to have the responsibilities of adulthood at any cost. I think it’s kinda similar to Michael Jackson, how he never really had a childhood and it lead him to a lot of strange behavior in adulthood. For a while I didn’t like to celebrate birthdays, and even before all this “I identify as ___” madness I thought that I would always identify as a child, since “child” and “adult” were social constructs.

TL;DR I have high hopes for being a writer and traveler, but as a 19 year old with little experience and lack of confidence, I sometimes find it would be easier to just stay at my home and live with my mom for the rest of my life, and live like a child minus the school part. To me the rich author lifestyle is the one I’m heading towards, and the weird man child one is one I fantasize about.