Is it normal i say these things when i'm alone?

37% Normal
10 Comments

Ever since I was almost ten, I've had a bad habit that - while not impairing my life or causing me serious distress - has haunted me. The pattern is this: I have negative memories come back to me or thoughts regarding embarrassment or even shame. To get rid of these feelings, I say something bad to myself.

Everyone does this at sometime, but the things I've been saying to myself have in the last few years been nasty, violent, suicidal, sexually forceful or demeaning in one way or the other to myself. More worryingly, I have in last few years been saying things along these lines directed at others who aren't around.

One example of the nastier things I say to me is 'i'm going to fucking kill you'; 'i'm going to fuck you in the ass'; 'I'm going to slit my fucking wrists', etc. please note I certainly get the sex stuff from hardcore pr0n. I don't watch it frequently though. Note these phrases aren't causing me much pain and are a footnote in my mental health.

I have no suicidal desires, I want to live.

Do you say things like this to yourself? is it normal to?

Voting Results
37% Normal
Based on 19 votes (7 yes)
Feeling Suicidal?
We couldn't help but notice that you might be asking about things related to suicide...
If that's not the case, please ignore this message.
But, if that is the case, please, please, please call this hotline and talk to someone about it. Or, visit one of these websites and get some help.
Unfortunately IIN isn't the best place for you to be asking about this. Check out the above websites or call one of the hotlines instead. They can help. Really. We know what we're talking about. Call. Do it. Please.
Remember that everything gets better with time.
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 10 )
  • fratom
    9 years ago

    Low self esteem is what most of live with until it dawns on us I am not that person: It is those who built this false self esteem in made me that person: So I say to you build up your true self esteem: Say. I am, I can, I must because I am WORTH it: NOW, at the beginning of a New Year might be the best time to begin answering the question who am I ? will the realme stand up. reading your story, I felt for you in my heart: because I went through years of low self esteem until I was 33, then I realized I am gifted, I have tallents that no one ever comlimented me for: I was abused as a child and this played on my mind up until then, still does to a lesser degree because at 33 I went to a professional person> My first statement don't you keep me coming back to you for too long: He said I won't keep you any longer than you want me to: so I sat down for 3 hours and spilled out my entire practically most of your s''' feelings: He asked me one question did I need medication to cope with all I had told him, what do you mean I said> if another came in and told me what you told me I would have to put them on treatment. But you have coped naturally in dealing with it all, the abuse, the hang ups from it and all the side issues it creates in your mind: I never went back to him or another since: I began build up my self esteem, my self worth and now at 68 I can live my lif to the full. Oh yes I am human and not perfect

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thank you very much. best of luck.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Cheese123
    9 years ago

    Wut?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • squirrelgirl
    9 years ago

    I'm not a psychologist, but it sounds like OCD to me. Not like the "lol my binders are color coded, I'm soooo ocd!" crap. I'm talking about actual, clinical OCD. You get disturbing thoughts, and then you perform an action to make the thoughts go away. That's what OCD boils down to. What you have specifically are "intrusive thoughts", which are more or less universal, but in people with OCD it fuels their anxiety and causes them to need to perform compulsions (in your case, whispering those words). You should seek help if it is impairing your ability to function, if the symptoms worsen over time or if you develop new symptoms over time.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      PS Don't worry though because I'll meet a therapist if my thoughts become distressing or frequent :)
      xo

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Somebody's done psychology! Yeah I'm aware of the similarity however my anxieties aren't high enough in frequency, nor am I significantly distressed or impaired in my functioning to be considered OCD. I'd have to think these thoughts many times a day to fit the criteria. Very good thinking though.
      thank you :)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • pixie44
    9 years ago

    I think omg i wanna crawl in a hole and die. But i never wanted to get fucked in my ass because i'm embarrassed? ..like whaaat?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Lol it's an expression of utter self loathing, not a desire for butt sex

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • pixie44
        9 years ago

        Idk bro say something else to yourself instead cuz that's kind of weird to me. Especially if someone walked in on you saying that.

        Sorry not trying to be rude just helping you out.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          I say this stuff in my head anyway. Thanks tho

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0