Is it normal i'm very weird about physical touch?

Let me preface by saying that I've never truly felt in love or 100% comfortable around another person when it comes to physical touch. I'm 24 and have extremely limited experience with dating and relationships, by the way.

It takes me a very long time to get comfortable with being touched by someone new, period. I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time (long story, but it's by choice, largely due to my weird issue here along with other fear-related issues), but when I was newly in one, I was initially pretty tense when it came to physical touch. I could tolerate hugs and hand holding, but it took me awhile to get comfortable with cuddling and kissing, and I never did enjoy kissing at all.

Once I'm comfortable with someone, I absolutely love to cuddle with them. It's probably one of my favorite things in the world, actually. It's one of the very few things I miss about being in a relationship.

However, the more sexual physical touch becomes, the more I get freaked out and scared, and hate it. I've never really done much with a guy because of this, as I couldn't get past it. Even the thought of sexual touch makes me extremely uncomfortable and scared. I'm also afraid of being naked in front of a boyfriend.

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 12 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 42 )
  • Sexualized_Polycheate_Worm

    while i wouldn't say it is 'normal',- (does that really mean anything anyway??) - i would say that your awareness of how you feel and your ability to describe it is a very good thing - something that can help you figure out how you want to approach the issue. it all comes down to whether you desire to change this aspect of yourself or whether you want to accept it as part of your self and move on. both would seem to have their own pros and cons. i believe you could probably go on to live a fulfilled life either way, but not without some hurdles to overcome.

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  • Oddmeme

    I mean, I can barely tolerate hugs, so you're doing pretty well, in my opinion

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  • bigbudchonga

    Have you ever been tested for autism?

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  • ellnell

    You could have aspergers. Being sensitive to physical touch is one of the biggest symptoms. I got diagnosed with that as an adult after starting to suspect it based on certain things like my own sensitivty to physical touch as well as other sensory issues like sensitivty to bright light.

    I twitch and feel uncomfortable just if someone puts a hand on my shoulder. I only hug my friends because I feel forced to, it's something i've learned to put up with after a whole life of masking.
    However I love physical touch in a serious, commited romantic relationship but that is different of course and touch in a relationship doesn't feel unnecessary but quite the opposite really. It also takes me a long time to open up to someone and let them come that close to me.

    I don't know you and I don't know about any other sensory issues you might have but it's just a guess based on my own personal experience. Wouldn't hurt to look into it. For me it felt like a huge relief to find out.

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    • leggs91200

      Oh gyod, for the millenial generation, they blame EVERYthing on asperger's/autism/whatever the latest word is.

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      • ellnell

        Hardly. Takes a lot to get diagnosed and they go all the way back to looking at how you acted as a child and even how you were as a toddler and your whole development. Sensory issues are one of the biggest symptoms of aspergers/autism and you almost have to have some kind of big sensory issue to get an official diagnosis. It's nothing that anyone blames, everyone on the spectrum is very different and has different difficulties but everyone certainly has difficulties to different degrees and i've met 0 aspies/autists who think of their diagnosis as something fun that they can use to get out of things or just blame to not have to do stuff. Many are very upset that they can't do things neurotypicals can do with ease, for example physical relationships, or that they have to fight much much harder to pull it off. I'd suggest you educate yourself a little, get some compassion and stop undermining peoples struggles. It doesn't take much to be an asshole but it's way better to be kind especially to people who've already faced a lot of misunderstanding in life and had to fight to get to where they are now. This is why many people feel forced to mask so none of their symptoms are ever visible which drains lots of energy and makes life exhausting.
        For me getting a diagnosis was simply a relief because I can understand myself better and how other people saw me as a child especially before I learned to mask and I didn't understand why others did not "get" me. I can get therapy for things that are difficult for me and take things at my pace. It's made me more confident that way actually because before I never understood why things like physical touch was uncomfortable to me and thought something was terribly wrong with me but now I know that's not the case and that there are many other people like me.

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    • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

      Nah it really doesn’t have to be
      Hypersensitivity can be a thing on it’s own
      I don’t have Aspergers and I’m really sensitive🤷🏻‍♀️ I believe your symptoms can be traced back and cured

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      • ellnell

        Of course, it's just a suggestion considering it's very common with aspergers too.
        And aspergers cannot be "cured" and doesn't need to be "cured". It may have its difficulties but it also has advantages and its basically just being different and functioning in a different way.
        There is no need to be offensive and rude.

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        • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

          ?
          Dude I didn’t write about that needing to be cured. I basically said that the person probably doesn’t have aspergers, which means what the person has likely can be traced back and cured.
          There is no need to be offended.

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  • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

    Im the same haha
    Could be because of ur meds and certain hormonal changes, but some people can also get insecurities without much influence from outside. It’s just slowly creeping in then. Check ur hormonal levels and try talking to a therapist, that way ur on it from both sides

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  • TerriAngel

    I cant give advice on this.
    The instinct is to ask if you were molested.
    But, reality is
    most molestation victims become sex addicts with no fear of anything sexual.
    A large percentage of porn actresses were molested at early stages of life.
    So then I wonder if what you have might be a phobia.
    like the person that washes their hands 50 times a day and wont touch things in public without using a glove, tissue etc.
    For fear of germs.

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    • DIO

      No they don't. Most molestation victims became afraid of any sex related things.

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    • I think it kind of is a phobia. I feel like I would feel dirty and disgusting if I did anything sexual, and it feels gross to me.

      There was a sexual assault incident as a teenager, but I felt this way before that.

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      • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

        Ur kinda disgusted by yourself if u you feel bad afterwards
        I don’t know if u feel the same, but it’s that feeling as if u should be ashamed because ur just gross and your inner voice is kinda laughing and mocking at you. Plus it not being the norm in your life and u not being used to it
        I can’t quite describe it but I guess that could be it

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  • RoseIsabella

    Maybe you have so childhood trauma? Also, I rather suspect that you were raised by parents who weren't very affectionate.

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    • My parents were actually very affectionate and wonderful parents, and never told me anything like sex was terrible. There's one incident in particular that happened as a teenager, but I felt grossed out by sex even before that.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Well, I don't think French kissing is gross if it's with the right person. I don't think sex is gross, but I also think sex is best with someone one loves.

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  • DIO

    Where you raped as a child ? If so it's normal.
    If not, it's not normal.

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    • No, there was an incident as a teenager that could've been classified as sexual assault, but there was no actual sex, just inappropriate touching. I felt grossed out by sex even before this, though.

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      • DIO

        That may explain a lot of things. You need to find someone that will listen to you, be patient and know how to handle the situation. I've been with girls who had been sexually assaulted and I know that not every guy could handle this kind of situation. Fortunately for my exes I was patient and knew what to do.
        There's nothing to be ashamed about. Just give you time. There's no rush. Do what you feel like doing. Not what people want you to do.

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  • d0esnormalmatter

    This is not normal in the slightest. Something is very likely wrong if you don't want actual sex. You've also got body image issues if your terrified of being naked in front of a boyfriend.

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    • I'll admit, I do have body image issues. I don't like my body at all.

      I've never felt "horny" or "turned on", or anything like that. It's like I have no sex drive.

      I've been told a medication I'm taking could be the cause of my lack of sex drive. I've been on it since I was around 13, and really don't want to get off of it because I'll be in a lot of pain if I do.

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      • TerriAngel

        APA.
        Theres your answer.
        meds, messin with your head.

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      • leggs91200

        It seems like it would be a blessing to not have a sex drive.

        No need to deal with a bunch of douchbags just trying to have sex. No need to worry about STD's. No money nor time wasted on porn/toys/rooms/whatever in pursuit of orgasm. No embarrassing nor regretful situations. No frustrations over awkward sexual encounters.

        Most important - No one ruining someone's already fragile sexual ego.

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        • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

          I agree, u could do so much different interesting stuff

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      • d0esnormalmatter

        Well yeah that medication probably has something to do with it. Have you ever masturbated before? I would talk to your doctor about straightening this out. I think if you had a better sex drive than maybe you wouldn't have such severe body image issues as well. Like maybe if you actually really wanted sex you wouldn't be so negative about your body.

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        • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

          Nah sometimes u care too much to give in into that
          Ur fear is stronger than sexual drive in some cases,, because we’re all different

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          • d0esnormalmatter

            Of course we'll all different, but if your "different" by having zero sex drive, that is seriously a problem. If someone has no sex drive, something either hormonally, genetically or psychologically is wrong. Humans are supposed to have a sex drive. Biologically we have evolved that way because it would be stupid as a species to have a low sex drive.

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            • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

              U can suppress that stuff a lot due to fear reason, plus if her medication messed up something, it can still be resolved. I do hope it’s just the meds cuz the mental parts r gonna be hard work
              At least it’s not killed off the emotions yet

              Evolutions has exceptions though, so sometimes the biological stuff just doesn’t apply to everyone. I mean look at psychopaths🕴🏻
              I mean viruses are kinda stupid, killing off the host, and our cells basically kill themselves with respiration, which we also need

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