Is it normal i'm too submissive to dom?

I've always considered myself a submissive, but I always thought I was open to trying new things. My boyfriend is also submissive; He's a masochist, rope bunny, and slave mainly. I can't bring myself to dom him.

It's not a matter of being vanilla. I'm into very hard kinks beyond his. Yet the thought of domming him is a big turn off to me and I can't bring myself to tell him. I've tried choking him before and I just felt quite uncomfortable being in a dominant position, but he liked it so I just tried to focus on the aspect of me being able to pleasure him. He wants to try harder things and I'm just not sure if I can do it. The thought of even having him in a ball gag makes me nearly cry due to the uncomfortableness.

Additionally, I've always looked for a dominant male who would treat me with zero respect in the bedroom and do whatever he pleases and leave bruises/cuts/etc on me; Or simply a sadist. I love my boyfriend to death, but I wish he wasn't so submissive as it makes me uncomfortable and it's a turn off.

If anyone's been in this situation before please share what you've done to either help yourself become more dominant or encourage your partner to do so.

Voting Results
87% Normal
Based on 15 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • KacyWatson

    I understand it's normal. It's can be difficult BUT do try. Good luck.

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  • Kundalini

    This is very common situation and there are many solutions too, if possible let me know few things about both of you, I might help you.
    1. Do you guys stay together?
    2. How many times in a week you sex?
    3. What he likes most in sex?
    4. What do you like the most in sex?
    5. What's your wildest sexual fantasy?
    6. Do you let him cum inside you?
    After getting all these answers, I will reply to you, if you like, you both think about and try. Thank you.

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  • Mark92

    Well in most of my relationships I have always been the dominant, but one of my girl friend always liked me to play the submissive and be the dominant and I obliged to keep her happy. We both enjoyed it, good times.

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  • iruleatgames

    As a guy who is very confident in getting my fiancé to do whatever he wants her too, despite the fact that she's not a very submissive woman, it honestly comes down to not roleplaying, but chemistry. It's completely normal that you won't ever be the "type" he wants you to be. It's just the way you were born/raised through your environment. If you both truly loved each other and "feel" the other person on a deep level, then it's possible you're able to look past your typical fetishes and learn to enjoy the exception, or even change your preferences entirely. My fiancé was personally very dominant towards men (more-so because the men themselves were forcing their submissiveness onto her), but once she met me, she totally changed her preferences. Whether this was pre-destined (due to a deep-seated fetish she was suppressing) or a passion-filled honest change of heart, I can't say, but what I can tell you is that she was truly, genuinely sure that she was a dom (something which clearly is no longer the case, considering how obsessed she is with semen play) when she met me. Honestly, you shouldn't feel bad about your fetish, nor should your boyfriend feel bad about his, but keep in mind that just because you both get along quite well outside of the bedroom, does not mean you automatically get along INSIDE of it. Ideally, you would strive to find a partner that can achieve both, as you'll always have these "what ifs" if you don't at least continue to try. Either way, send me a message if you want me to give more specific examples of my experiences, and how they might be relevant to you (especially in regards to turning your current relationship into something more fulfilling).

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  • Clunk42

    You could just get over your (fear?) and do it for his sake. If you really can't get over it, you could ask him for some encouragement.

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    • I would love to be able to please him without this burden. I think the encouragement might help, so i'll talk to him about that.

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  • Mammal-lover

    Clearly your new to bdsm. In your regards your looking at the d and s. I suggest reading some articles online about it. For instance the number one rule is dont do something your not comfortable with or dont have consent towards. Well separate rules but you get the jist. Point being dont be an idiot and talk to your partner. The thing you should always he able to do about anything

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    • Not sure where you got that from! :) I understand this completely. Thing is, I want to for his sake. I've told him i'm submissive and i've told him i'd have to work my way up to doing what he wants me to. Thank you, however.

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      • Mammal-lover

        -rolls eyes- have fun with that

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  • rocketdave

    Go to a master or mistress or both and just enjoy.

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    • If only 😂.

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      • rocketdave

        I'd be happy to engage with you both but I'm too far away.

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  • Tommythecaty

    Ohhh both on the same side of the kink, bummer

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    • 😂 Unfortunately so

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  • my_life_my_way

    The relationship (or at least the sexual part) isn’t right for you so it’s normal that you feel uncomfortable with it. Try to tell him then you can find a middle ground of things you both enjoy.

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    • Thank you!

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