Is it normal i'm so unsure

7 Comments

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 7 1/2 months (I think), and I've been struggling with the overwhelming urge to leave him, but the problem is, I can't.

1. He always tells me how much he would hate to lose me, how happy I make him feel. At one point we broke up and he told me he got depressed from it. I'm scared if I ever broke up with him he'd do something drastic like suicide.

2. He's kind of been my first everything. First kiss, first prom date, first long-term boyfriend, first boyfriend I've actually ever trusted.

3. I'm never sure if it's real urges to break up with him. Some days I hate him and some days I love him, it's a constant battle. I don't want to break up with him unless I'm sure it's real feelings because I don't want to look like an idiot trying to get back with him if I wake up one morning like "oh wait I still like him."

4. I'm scared that I'll never find another person like him. He respects me and I know he can keep a secret. He doesnt judge my weird obsessions either.

5. If I were to break up with him, I'd get shit from like everyone.

6. I just CAN NOT be friends with guys after I break up with them, and unfortunately for me, he would beg and beg and beg and BEG for me to be friends with him afterwards. That's what happened last time we had broke up (a year or so ago) the first time, he begged for us to be friends and I was like "oh okay" and whenever we did he pulled me back in and we started dating again.

Here are the reasons why I don't want to be with him:

*he's too shy to do couple things such as kissing, cuddling, dates, holding hands, ect.
*he never makes the first move. it's always been me.
*he constantly picks fun at my insecurities but gets mad when I do the same back
*I dont see any kind of future with him
*I dislike his family
*his mom dislikes me
*the thought of anything sexual with him disgusts me
*I feel restrained when dating him, like I'll never be able to break up with him
*he's really weak
*he can't stand up for himself, let alone me
*I'm stronger than him

He does have qualities I like about him though:

*he respect me
*he can keep a secret
*he doesn't judge my weird obsessions
*he's sweet
*he compliments me
*he doesn't want to get in my pants

Break up with him. 17
Don't break up with him. 1
I don't know. 3
I think you should... (explain in comments) 2
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Comments ( 7 )
  • pixie44
    9 years ago

    1. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean you're suicidal. I got depressed when I lost a family member to the point where I needed medicine, but I didn't want to kill myself over it.

    2. Why can't you be friends with him after a break up?

    3. If you want to break up with him just do it. Tell him you just need space and to get your life on track and if its meant to be between the 2 of you it will be.

    4. Date other guys and see if that's really what you want or not.

    5. If the thought of having sex with him grosses you out so much he's not the one for you.. I'm sorry.

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    • Disasterology
      9 years ago

      1. I mean it's just a possibility. He has a tendency to overreact sometimes.

      2. I'm just not that kind of person, I mean it's okay if you guys work better off friends or were really close before, but other than that, it's a no.

      3. Like I said before, I'm not sure if these are real feeling of wanting to break up.

      4. I really don't have a choice. The guys at my school are either taken or jerks.

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      • pixie44
        9 years ago

        I'm sure not all of them are taken and jerks. But if you really think that way you should get out more and meet guys out of school. Around here we have nightclubs for 17+ and when I was younger I used to go to the mall with friends to meet guys.

        In order for a relationship to work, you have to be sexually attracted to your partner. That doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex with them, but the thought shouldn't gross you out like that. You see what I'm saying?

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  • Arm0se
    9 years ago

    You can take a break from each other and still be in a committed relationship. Spending too much time with anyone (yes even your partner) can get really break you down. Just tell him you want to spend some time apart for a little bit. Make sure he knows you're not breaking up.

    My girlfriend and I did this and now we're happier than ever. :p

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  • Dad
    9 years ago

    *I dont see any kind of future with him
    *the thought of anything sexual with him disgusts me

    Those 2 points stood out for me.

    Just say you want to do a break where you kinda both agree not to actually see others UNTIL you decide what you do want.
    Not break up fully, just a break, so you can either appreciate him more or decide not to come back (maybe don't fully tell him that in full).

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Tell him ya'll are some issues to work out and if he's not receptive then leave.

    *tosses OP a pair of Asics running shoes*

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Do NOT let him guilt you into staying. No matter what he does after you leave, it is his choice and decision, not yours and you are in no way responsible.
    This is a classic tactic for an immature person, laying a guilt trip on the other party; don't fall into the trap!
    You must live YOUR life as you see fit. Either with this guy or not, but it must be by choice, NOT because of what he says or does.
    You will find better, I assure you. You are both way too young to have become the people you will mature into, so it's most probable you two won't have much in common in a few years anyway.
    Good luck; be strong.

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