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I'm serious guys, I don't want to die young because of the drink, but I don't know how to be happy. The sexual abuse, neglect, bullying...it just won't go away.
That's right handsignals has feelings...
Maybe talk to your physician about getting you on some meds that will alleviate the issues that make you not happy. Or, perhaps they can hook you up with something that will make you happy without abusing your liver as severely as alcohol. Couldn't hurt to ask.
I should think that you need to completely change your life. From the sound of things, you'd probably be happier as a hobo, living under an overpass.
As I've said before, you can't run away from yourself, but if most of your problems are truly external, then changing that can be a very positive first step.
I know it's terrifying to even contemplate such a thing, but it is exciting at the same time. It is possible to travel on very little or no money, and the generosity of strangers can be surprising.
Your life and your happiness should be your prime concern at this point, and screw EVERYBODY and everything else. Better to strive to improve things and have a very tough time of it for a while, than to take the mind numbing path you seem to be on.
(((HUGS)))
Maybe we don't agree on everything, but I like you man, and I think you're hell funny.
I agree about seeing a therapist and maybe meds. I hope you feel better in the future!
Get yourself a psychologist and psychiatrist. They will help you with your alcoholism. There's no cure, but there is very good help.
Why dont you try moving to a new place, start a new life and fuck some chicks ?