Is it normal i'm not like this anymore?

6 Comments

So as of recently I've become much less horny (not that I was always horny to begin with BUT) up till before it all stopped I was horny more often but was less to no lubricated/wet at all.. now I'm rarely horny even rarer to be wet, partner and I haven't had sex in maybe a month due to multiple things happening.

My question is, is that is it normal for someone to be A: horny but not wet or B: not horny and dry as hell?

*I feel bad as the bf is horny 10x more then me and wish I could have/enjoy sex with him more*

EDIT *I have a bit of depression and am on medication that's not for depression*

A/B: normal; comment 0
A/B: not normal; comment 0
Other; comment 1
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Boojum
    4 years ago

    I suspect your last line is an important factor; a known side-effect of many antidepressants is reduced libido. I suggest you do some online research into the particular drug(s) you're on and look into ways people have found to deal with this problem.

    Depression itself also makes people much less horny, and it's likely that the stuff going on in your life and your head that led to you becoming depressed could also make you much less interested in sex.

    As for lubrication, just as it's possible for a guy to really want to have sex but not be able to get or maintain an erection, so it's not uncommon for women to want to have sex but for them to have very little lubrication.

    There's no shame in using lube, and you and your boyfriend need to understand that you not getting wet doesn't say anything bad about him or your feelings for him. It's just that the connection between your brain and your genitals is a bit screwed up at the moment.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      I've updated the post.. I'm not on antidepressants at the moment, it's a different drug but I think it has similar side affects..

      The whole not horny or were started before the meds but started with me already depressed..

      My bf prefers the person he is having sex with to enjoy it, and I think he feels that the female should be wet if she is horny/wants sex so by using lube sort of takes that away.. I think that's what he is thinking anyways...

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      • Boojum
        4 years ago

        I can understand your boyfriend's point of view, and it sounds like he's a caring sort of guy, so that's good.

        Maybe you could try mentioning to him the parallel I made between male impotence and lack of vaginal lubrication. Perhaps he's never experienced the problem, but unless he's one of those guys who's in denial that, sooner or later, it happens to all guys at least a few times, he might get the point that you're no more in control of your vaginal lubrication than he is in control of his erections. These genital responses are triggered by a primitive part of the brain that's largely detached from the rational, thinking part. He needs to accept that you making it clear that you want to have sex in one way or another means you want to have sex, and what's going on - or not going on - with the glands that lubricate your vagina is really irrelevant.

        The disconnect between what a woman wants and how her body responds is highlighted by the fact that it's not unusual for women who are being raped to lubricate and actually have orgasms. Even if a woman very definitely doesn't want to be having sex with a guy, it is possible for that primitive part of her brain to respond in a positive way.

        Female sexuality is complicated and there are loads of common misconceptions about it. I'd suggest you - and your boyfriend - might find "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski helpful in various ways.

        https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=come+as+you+are&qid=1567507171&s=gateway&sr=8-1

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          So do I.. I have said once before that I am horny but not wet n he just said that cant/should not happen (if a woman is horny she should be wet is what he means)

          If I told him about the Male equivalent he'd just laugh in my face probably

          I don't think he will have sex with me if I dont want it or show him that I want it either..

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          • Boojum
            4 years ago

            I guess he's not such a great guy after all, since he seems to have some very definite ideas about how all women should behave at all times, and he doesn't believe you when you say you want to have sex because your physical response doesn't conform to his ignorant stereotype.

            Frankly, that's fucking arrogant of him, and now I'm wondering if you being depressed might just be at least partly because you're with a patronising, disrespectful asshole.

            Also, I find it a little worrying that you say you don't _think_ he'd have sex with you if you don't want it. That suggests you believe there's at least a possibility he'd force the issue if he wanted it and you didn't. That's fucked up.

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  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    If your horny but not wet something is wrong. I couldn't tell you what it might be, but I can suggest you see a doctor about this.

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