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It was really sudden he was a lot older than me but he wasn't that old I really miss him. We were married for 10 years dated for five. Even though some people thought we looked stupid together. I loved him very very much and this is only way I can cope.
I'm sorry for your loss.
If you are finding yourself with a lot of free time on your hands, that is mostly spent thinking about your loss, might I suggest that you find someplace to volunteer your time. A homeless or animal shelter, the zoo, or anyplace where you could spend time with others, occupying your mind and body.
It's normal to not want to feel emotional pain, but you've only got one liver. Maybe get some grief counseling. If you go to church look in the weekly bulletin to see if your parish has a bereavement group. The only way out of it is through it.
I don't blame you. The lost must be terrible. I'm sure your husband would want you to suffer like this. Why don't you fill the void by taking up hobbies? You could write a book. Learn how to knit. Learn how to make wine or be a bee keeper. Go for nature walks. Etc.
Yes its normal. People have different ways with coping and that's yours. Sure its not the healthiest way of coping but you're definitely not the only one. In your post you wrote it the only way to cope but alcohol is usually used to numb feeling. I suggest you talk with other family members. it'll be hard but they'll no what youre going through because they're expierencing the same thing. It'll hurt, Im not saying it wont - but it'll help. Im really sorry for your loss, stay strong.
what about your husbands past? or do you mean he PASSED?
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I'm so sorry to hear that
You r just depressed coz you miss him so much , but then , drinking is not healthy ... try to do something else like praying for him , if you has children , take care of them, play with them .... he would be happy to see you smiling than bcome a drunken woman