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I can't help but feel numb after my man married another female immediately after we broke up.. It's been two years now and I'm afraid to get emotionally attached to people I'm afraid to love again, I can't handle the feeling of breaking up because I think about my ex every single day.
Then you're going to end up missing out on good opportunities to love again with someone who will genuinely love you back.
Understand that relationships = Taking a risk. There's always a possibility that who you date may not be right for you. So when you do ever date again, always enter a relationship with 100% certainty of your feelings toward that person. Be honest with yourself.
I'm not sure what to say that will help you through this, but when I was in the same boat with an ex, what helped me a lot was examining my previous relationship closely to see any mistakes I've made, and learn from them. For me, I felt my ex didn't become this way overnight, and that I may have ignored some red flags. Sadly, I did. There were a sit ton of moments that threw me off, but I ignore for the sake of love. I believed his lies even though it didn't match up with anything he said before, and so on. I was basically a fool, because I was too naive. But we live, we learn, and we grow.
I wish you the best.
It's been 2 years. Get out there and meet people. I know he hurt you and he's an SOB... you deserve better!
If you had someone else, the memories of that asshole would already be fading from your mind.
Why are you letting him ruin your life? Do you really think he cares at all that you are totally miserable; he's not coming back to you?
Move on.