Is it normal i lost the ability to orgasm after experiencing deep heartbreak?

Stick the vibrator into ur butt.

Try taking a break entirely for 90 days, and then tell us how that goes.

I never gained the ability to feel heartbreak, but I only just orgasmed so wait a minute.

The sexual response of women is complicated.

I understand why you're upset about not being able to have an orgasm, but you're in a better position than many women. A disturbing number of women have never had an orgasm, mainly because they never figure out what sort of physical stimulus their body needs in order to get there, and/or they can't break through the psychological barriers which prevent them from letting go and experiencing an orgasm. You know that you can have an orgasm, you know what your body needs, and even though it has now been a while, I'm sure you're still capable of recognising when one is approaching and what one feels like.

Something else you can be sure of is that your emotional upset hasn't destroyed any of the parts of the nervous system which make an orgasm possible, and those physical connections haven't withered away due to disuse. I note what you say about your pelvic floor not having had as much exercise as it was previously used to, but given the history you outline, I'm sure the real obstruction that prevents you from having an orgasm is between your ears.

As far as I can understand from your post, you were never actually in a relationship with the guy, but you were convinced that you were in love with him and you spent weeks (maybe months) interpreting everything he said and did when he was with you in the best possible way and constantly hoping that he would take the initiative and ask you out. Frankly, this sounds to me more like an infatuation (possibly an obsession) with an unrealistic image of the guy you created in your head rather than real love. Real love is about a relationship with a real person, but it's clear you never had the chance to get to know the real guy. When you saw him being nice to another woman, you understood at some level that you'd been deluding yourself and reality smashed that phoney image of him along with all your fantasies of a perfect life with a perfect guy who adored you and treated you just perfectly in every possible way.

I have to wonder if the reason you're blocking yourself from having an orgasm now is because you feel that since the (illusory) love of your life doesn't want you, then you don't deserve to experience sexual pleasure. Since your orgasmic masturbation sessions appear to have been tied up in your mind with Mr Perfect, could it be that you don't actually want to have another orgasm now because that would mean your fantasy relationship with him truly is dead? Or maybe you've made a subconscious bargain with God, karma, the cosmos or whatever: if you remain faithful to him by never fantasising about another guy and stay chaste by never allowing yourself to have another orgasm, Mr Perfect will have to someday realise that he's made a huge mistake, and he'll come back to you, sweep you off your feet and you'll live happily ever after. (Spoiler alert: shit like that only happens in bad chick-flicks and cheap romantic novels.)

Also, you say you were depressed. It's implied that you've moved past this now, but I have to wonder if this is the case. In order for a woman to have an orgasm, she ordinarily has to want it to happen, and it's difficult to feel that when you're stuck in the black hole of depression where it's impossible to feel that you deserve to feel anything good.

If you want to learn more about the female sexual response and all the things that can screw it up, I suggest Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. You might also consider having a look at Betty Dodson's website which is all about female masturbation and how women can enjoy it to the maximum possible.

That's rough buddy. Work on kegels