Is it normal i lost sense in life?

Well, I'm not really someone who is very afraid, I don't give a shit about almost everything in one way or another, but I do have some respect for that.

I look like David King.

No shit. The problem is that it has a certain effect on people. And this effect also has an effect on me.

In the past I would have thought it was good. I wanted to be feared, shunned. I wanted people who ran into me to get out of my way because they could already smell the trouble.

I caused a lot of trouble. If I was there, you could assume that someone was hurt, something was broken, drugs were involved.

I'm pretty solidly built, maybe not 2 metres tall, but that's fine, I don't care. Still, I was always looking for stress and spreading it.

I regret that time.

Now I'm in my mid-twenties. Unlike a fictional character, I bear real scars and have gained weight from alcohol. I am constantly tired and irritable. The few friends I still have get on my nerves, yet I understand that they only want my best. I'm just not used to it any more and unfamiliar things seem strange and unpleasant.

People still avoid me. Even though I don't want to any more. Maybe because I look like a bum, like a thug, like a drug addict? I don't know, it doesn't matter now anyway. Like my aura is made of blood and alcohol and smells like rat shit and rotting corpse parts.

I need help. I'm doing my best to be normal, to find a job, to work and to live. It's not working. I live with a friend, ironically, like King. No idea how long that will last. Is it normal that it ended up like this? I really tried. For two years.

I'm a little worried it's going to end here with me. I got him into debt. They will come and get it.