Is it normal i like him but don't feel butterflies?

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3 Comments

So, I have a new friend I met through Tumblr. He happens to live less than an hour from me. We started chatting through there and hit it off, so we moved our conversation to texting. He's very respectful toward me and non-judgmental after I opened up to him about things I'm often afraid of being judged for, such as mental illness (he opened up to me about that kind of thing too). He compliments me and even flirts a bit. We're talking about possibly meeting in person.

I like him, but...I don't really get the butterfly feeling or excitement. Like, I smile when I see a message from him but that's about it. It's different than with the last guy I was seeing. I was always excited to see him flash up on my phone. When things were good they were really good, but he ended up dropping me without saying a word, and it hurt feeling like I wasn't even worth closure. I had to learn from a mutual friend that he didn't feel that way about me (even though he was flirting quite a bit and led me on for months).

I'm still kind of wary about developing feelings for anyone else, because I don't want to get hurt again, but I am open to having a relationship with someone who is right for me, and my friend/guy I'm talking to might be. I'm trying to not allow past experiences to hold me back. I kind of have a crush on someone else, but I haven't allowed myself to get attached to her either because I still don't know her super well, plus I assume she's straight (I don't know, I just assume because most people are). So that's not holding me back either. Maybe this is what a real relationship is supposed to feel like? I mean, the novelty always wears off anyway, right? I think there is some potential here, I just want to ask if it's normal to feel how I feel.

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75% Normal
Based on 8 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    I never understood what people explain as "butterflies". Not sure if it's a metaphor for an emotion. Usually if I like someone I want to spend time with them and get to know them. I never care if they take time away though. Most people are way too needy and it seems stupid to me.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    You just met this dude so try to chill out, and just be good friends with this guy. Take your time, and see where things go. There's nothing wrong with being just friends. What's the rush?

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    I think your feelings are more "rational" now. The butterflies are very deceptive. They usually indicate the wrong people that let you down, but simply have the physical aspect you happen to be so attracted to. Love is not really about that. It's more about closeness and power. If I were you, I would listen to my brain, and then my heart. I would choose this guy knowing that butterflies are so tricky. That would be for a stronger relationship. For some fun, try whatever you like, but for an opportunity to reveal yourself, then choose rationally. Having both butterflies and a very strong relationship with someone is very unlikely, I'd say. In most cases, it's just temporary. But choosing rationally ends up with permanent satisfaction. There is an unwritten law which goes like this: "If you love two people, choose the "second" -
    apparently less favoured - option, because if the first had been ideal, the second wouldn't have existed".

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