Is it normal i have trouble debating with people?

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6 Comments

This isn't so much an is it normal question as I am asking for advice on a recurrent issue I have.

I don't have a problem setting boundaries with people when they cross the line with me, and I know that if I feel something is not ok, it is therefore not ok. I still have some issues with people though that I don't know how to resolve.

Often times I seem to over react towards people aggressively when I am trying to set a boundary. This only drives people away to the point where I will have no friends left if I keep using this tactic.

The other way I see is to ignore the problem, but it continues if I do that and does not get resolved.

I am having a lot of trouble understanding a middle ground rather than ignoring the problem or behaving with aggression.

I do have a lot of trouble with live communication and understanding that is not noticeable while typing and I am aware this gets in the way of understanding each other. I probably understand about %50 of what people say in person and people have said I talk like Boomhauer overdosing on sleeping pills, so people often don't want to bother debating with me which results with me getting angry.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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75% Normal
Based on 24 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • CountessDouche
    9 years ago

    First off- do not take medical advice from CRUSADES, for fucks sake

    Second- people are a lot more understanding than you give them credit for. Explain to your friends that you have trouble reading social cues. Apologize if you get out of line or explain ahead of time and have them keep you in check. Anyone who gives two turds will be understanding.

    Third- you seem to be very self aware that this behavior is destructive, yet you keep doing it- this is the very definition of insanity. It's not as uncommon as you think to engage in self destructive social patterns. I myself have a weird, crazy ass tendency to push boundaries with my closest friends to test the loyalty...the thing is, I can SEE when I'm doing it, and I can stop myself. You know full well what you are doing while you are doing it, and you have seen the results...so...stop, count to ten, approach the situation with more self-awareness.

    Forth- it's so fucking AWESOME that you talk like Boomhauer! If you were my friend, I'd take you everywhere!

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      I usually know I'm getting annoyed with people but I'm often not sure what's an appropriate response. I wonder if some of the people I deal with are more difficult than usual or that people don't want to listen. I really don't know how to get across to people and I resort to getting angry because I don't know what else to do. I hate the count to ten advice. I've been told that since I was a kid and it doesn't work for me. I often really don't know what I will do next. I'm not so sure I actually sound like Boomhauer but that's what my ex and her friends said. I guess I'm more monotone and mumbly. I think my outward communication is effected by me taking 10 minutes to explain something that would take most people 1. I have a habit of constantly repeating things and don't notice I'm doing it until someone calls me on it. I don't have this problem so much while typing because I can edit the text. I'm not so much trying to test my boundaries and if I am I'm not aware I'm doing that. Even though I feel disconnected from my surroundings I have a good sense of identity but not so good sense of what is normal which is why I learn more about others from posting here.

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      • CountessDouche
        9 years ago

        Haha, count to ten advice does suck ass!

        But seriously, if I had a friend who explained to me that they had trouble reading social cues and not getting pissy when I didn't respect their boundaries, I would be a million times more understanding! Maybe the best course of action is just to explain yourself ahead of time.

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        • [Old Memory]
          9 years ago

          Maybe i just have bad luck with dealing with difficult people all the time.

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  • Crμsades
    9 years ago

    Go to a shrink.

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      Shit. Even you think I need to see those fuckers. I already go there as part of my requirement to get insurance and a drivers license. I usually leave more angry than when I got there.

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