Is it normal i hate my dad after his stroke, he changed?

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29 Comments

when i was in grade six my dad had a stroke (brain aneurysm) and it feels like someone took my dad then and tried to put someone else back into his shoes, i feel like iv lost him and this new person is someone who i hate. i dont want to sound selfish or anything like that but id say im a pretty nice forgiving person, i try to hangout with him sometimes and explain my ideas for things and he will just say its bad or something ( he lost his speech from the brain aneurysm) and it feels like he just hates anything i think of and i get so angry from it, it just ruins my mood (i cut myself when i get really sad sometimes to) anyways is it normal to hate my dad after his aneurysm like i said it feels like hes been robbed from me, he was like my best freind, my father the one i looked up to and then one day when im like 10/11 hes taken away and someone else gets put in his place, it just gets me down alot every day...

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80% Normal
Based on 60 votes (48 yes)
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Comments ( 29 )
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago | pl

    I'm so sorry.
    It is normal for a person to experience personality changes, due to the nature of their stroke. The stroke most likely changed his brain chemistry and the damage likely attacked the parts of his brain that make-up his personality and sense of judgement. It's not really him saying those horrible things, it is the brain damage.

    It is normal for this to happen and it is usually the most painful part of having a stroke for everyone - dealing with what the stroke victim can become after such brain damage.

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      Thanks you, i was just wondering if it was normal to feel so much hate to the person i once loved so much

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      • mynamed
        8 years ago

        Honestly my dad had a stroke too & I hate him
        I'm the one who takes care of him because my parents are divorced
        & he had no one.
        I used to look up to him & wanted to be like him & now I hate him he puts me in embarrass in front of people & pees all over the house.& I tell him that he's not my dad & that he's a retard

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        • <3BVB<3
          8 years ago

          Honestly i feel like your in my shoes, ill tell you this now, i know its alot to take on but you cant have that energy towards him it will only ruin your guys relationship, i had those feelings for my dad for the longest time afteri posted this message, i still do today even but iv learned to control them, in your position its simply best to just do the best job you can, iv thought about it countless times, what must it be like to be stuck in that body, that person used to be the one idol i looked up to and he was taken from me (as i said it befor) but i learned, he is still in there he is just STUCK, acting the way you are must make him feel so horrible and the way you treat him, please dont tell me you actualy called him that, that man is still your #1 dad, best freind, hero or even the guy you look up to the most, sure he might have changed abit, it is a fact of life....shit happens to say the least but you need to learn to deal with it maturly and provide your dad a place to recover, my parents are divorced now aswell, i live with my freind, brother and dad of course, it may be so hard now but i will tell you another thing, it also builds character and will help you further in life, not to brag but without post secondary education im titled twice both are for ticketed trades jobs, after 2 years and about 11 months i have grown and matured enough to be the man that my dad raised, sure i can be hot headed at times but iv learned to look at the whole situation and chech everyones perspective, how do you think your dad feels stuck in there ? I hope i dont come across mean or anything but, you asked a question and i think thats the best answer i can come up with

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        It's perfectly normal, especially if his personality has changed so drastically. Don't take what he says personally. He can't help the way he acts.

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        • <3BVB<3
          11 years ago

          alright :) thanks, i didnt think that this website would help so much

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            It can, when the right people are answering the right questions.

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            • <3BVB<3
              11 years ago

              haha yes that’s what it seems like, well thank you for being the right person answering the right question then:)

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    I know *exactly* what you mean because I went through something similar last year. It caused me a lot of guilt because I often secretly wished my friend had died and I could grieve properly rather than have to deal with this living embodiment that reminded me all the time that something has gone.

    I'm not really over it because I still feel a great loss. I'm guessing, like with everything, it's going to take time. That applies to both of us.

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      iv felt the same way you felt many times as well that’s what b rings me down the most, wishing he had just died so i didn’t have to deal with this "different person" that is trying to take his place

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  • emgrcle
    8 years ago

    Hey I just wanted to know if things were any better after a few years. I too have a dad who had a stroke and I am struggling with the same anger and feelings of abandonment. I just wanted to know if things have changed or if you have a better relationship with your dad now.

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  • NiceKitty
    11 years ago

    I'm very sorry to hear this. Avoid cutting if at all possible and try to see a counselor/therapist and/or psychologist/psychiatrist. They can help tremendously if you be honest and attend appiontments regularly.

    If you have any good friends or family that can help support you, talk to them about how you feel.

    You don't have to go through the pain alone. I am very sorry to hear about your fathers personality change.
    Try to get some help for yourself, to help make it easier to cope and so you don't turn the emotion into an action upon yourself.
    Healthy ways to cope will mean a healthier happy life =]

    [source: I'm a schizophrenic with a child and wife. Been through hell and back within my own brain. Made it out alive and kickin' @ 20 y/o]

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      im trying, gotten pretty far without it now :) im not sure if it would be wise for me to talk to any therapists or anything.... my family doesn’t know this about me i hide it from them and just pretend like everything is ok until im by myself, i was just wondering if my feelings were normal i mean i feel so much hate sometimes i cant believe it, normally im a very calm person and i have a very long "fuse" and don’t do anything about something that bothers me until i really cant hand it anymore, but sometimes he will just say something and ill feel like destroying everything i see, im not sure if its my anger towards him being different or my anger towards him not being here for me. that was also going to be another question i had " is my anger caused by him being different or him not being there for me anymore"
      and im sorry to hear about your condition that must be pretty hard especially with a wife and child, im glad your making it through life good at least :)

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      • NiceKitty
        11 years ago

        Don't be sorry to me! Life has its challenges.
        It is probably normal to feel the way you do, but that doesn't make it right..

        It honestly saddens me that you keep this a secret within your family.

        You seem like a very bright person, with a lot of potential in this life. Stop while you can and get help! It will be extraordinarily helpful to you in the future and better for your family as a whole.

        I know you don't see it yet, but expressing these feelings to someone you can trust and really getting the right help can save you from years of grief and pain within yourself.

        I really hope you get help. Stop the cutting, it's for squares =]

        -your dear schizophrenic friend.

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        • <3BVB<3
          11 years ago

          i don’t find anyone in my family that i feel comfortable telling :/ and thanks i try to be, i trust my girl freind enough to tell her these feelings but not all of them in exact detail this is the first time iv ever asked anyone if my exact feelings are normal and i have well for maybe at least a month now.

          -Your dear..... i dont know IIN friend haha :)

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    after his stroke, he changed this is normal and you should adapt and be patient you whinging little crapface.

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      well sir you can go fuck right off, i asked a question to see if it was normal, hateful answers aren’t required and will receive hateful responses fuck face

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      • Terence_the_viking
        11 years ago

        Oh you have no patience why does that not surprise me.

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        • <3BVB<3
          11 years ago

          Iv had patience for the last 5 years, im 17 now you do the math all im doing is asking a simple question and your answer doesnt really apply so why dont you go fuck off

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          • Terence_the_viking
            11 years ago

            I'm sorry you feel this way only 17 and so full of rage.

            Life if gonna eat you whole and spit you out many times.

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  • ally13
    11 years ago

    I dont know if what you feel is normal or not but recently my uncle had a stroke and when he was getting better he passed away. I have no idea what my cousin was feeling but he is about the same age as you. I guess what im trying to say is be happy you still have him. It will be hard and things will be different but he is still the same person and he still loves you just as much.

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      i don’t know most of the time id rather not have him here personally i feel like hes ruining my life now :/ i feel like the only person who brings me happiness anymore is my girlfriend who i love deeply, i don’t want to sound mean towards my dad but its the truth and I want to be truthful on here to get answers that are for my exact circumstances

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  • TylerInTacoma
    11 years ago

    If (if I remember correctly) someone has a stroke on the left side of the brain and they have paralysis on the right side of the body they tend to become tearful and depressive. If they have a stroke on the right side of the brain with left sided paralysis they TEND to become hostile, profane and combative. I am a nurse but have not worked for a while. I have worked in nursing homes and am totally aware of the personality changes one has after a stroke. PLEASE try to remember that this is part of the disease. I also understand the difficulty of taking care of a loved one...even if a nurse! My step dad needed home care and it is tough. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE from a home care agency. Take care of yourself. Bless you, OK?

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      i was not aware of that being part of the disease that was kind of part of my question tho :) thanks for the help and my dad was paralysed on the right side, lost his speech and some memory, im not sure if that would help with knowing anything about it, like if a stroke on those parts of the brain would cause personality change

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    I'm very sorry. I agree with ardcz and NiceKitty that you might want to consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. There are support groups for friends and families of stroke victims as well. If you'd rather talk to people who've been through something similar, you could look it up and see if there's one in your area.

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      i will try a little bit, only what i can find online thoe...i don't know i feel like i don’t want to get caught doing this, it feel like im backstabbing my dad :/

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      • VioletTrees
        11 years ago

        Looking for support isn't betraying him at all. It's a difficult thing to go through, and you don't have to do it alone.

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  • ardcz
    11 years ago

    Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, and you're grieving the loss of (in your opinion) the best version of your father.
    It would probably help you to speak with a professional. Maybe a therapist or a grief counselor could help you.

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    • <3BVB<3
      11 years ago

      yah, well then my feelings are right :) haha not that makes things any better but at least im not going crazy or anything, and like i said in some of the earlier replies, i don’t think that will help any no one knows i feel this way i just hide it until im by myself and i try to let it out in good ways, most of the time its good occasionally i end up hurting myself but iv been told that’s ok sometimes to, better then leaving it all bottled up for ever

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