Is it normal i felt embarrassed by the fact my crush was braver than me

35% Normal
15 Comments

A little background: in high school I became friends with a girl who I developed a crush on. Long story short, I eventually told her, and learned she didn’t share the same feelings towards me, but she was nice about it. But the issue I want to talk about is that she always seemed to upstage me when it came to bravery. Not only was she a lot more outgoing and sociable than me, but she also started driving at a time when I was still apprehensive about it.

But one moment that stands out in my memory is when I heard her talking about a time when she called 911 when witnessing the result of a car accident. Here I was, being constantly overprotective over her and having panic attacks at the mere mention of the phrase “car accident,” and here she was helping out in that type of situation! To make it even worse, she was actually in one when she was younger, and I’ve never been in one, and yet somehow she was so much more brave than me!

Maybe it’s some deep rooted misogyny, or at the very least a desire for dominance. I’m a tall guy, and she’s a short girl. She had a sort of energetic personality, which made her appear childish sometimes. Maybe it’s not a fair comparison, but imagine how embarrassed you’d be if a child was ok with doing things you were terrified of.

Sometimes I feel like my life would be better if I never met her. I became way too obsessive and wasted way too much time worrying about what other people were doing.

Voting Results
35% Normal
Based on 17 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    Ya'll don't have much in common anyway. Your attitudes about this girl rather annoy me, because the jealousy, and insecurity you have of her character traits are very unbecoming. It's best that she's not into you, as it seems you would stifle her freedom, and grow resentmentful other naturally powerful personality

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      You’re right. I’d like to think I’ve moved on from all this, but the fact I felt the need to ask this is evidence I haven’t completely.

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        Well, thank you. I wasn't sure how you would react to my comment. I think that in order for two people to be compatible it's important that both partners be comfortable with each other, and secure within themselves.

        I will be 50 years old this year, and the number of people in positions of power or authority who are younger than me grows with every passing year, and I can't afford to hold resentments, or to be insecure about stuff over which I have no control. I'm about 5ft 5in tall, so I'm on the shorter side of average, and I don't place much significance whether, or not someone is taller, or shorter than me, because I can't control matters of physical stature. The only thing I can do is choose to stand up straight.

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  • DIO
    4 years ago

    So you're basically a scaredy cat.
    Why are you having a panic attack when someone mentions an accident???

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      That’s not an easy question to answer. Perhaps because it was a stark reminder in my face that something that horrific was likely to happen to me, my family, and friends.

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      • DIO
        4 years ago

        Being possible to happen doesn't mean it is "likely" to happen.
        If you live in constant fear of everything, you're not living at all.
        Live in the present. Not in an inexistant futur.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          Good advice, but try telling that to my teachers. They not only made it seem likely, but nearly INEVITABLE that an accident would happen in our lifetime! But you’re right, I should live in the present.

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          • DIO
            4 years ago

            Do your "teachers" predict the future? I think not. And it seems you have a high tendency of overdramatizing things.
            Being worried about an inexistant potential accident won't make it happen nor not happen.
            And a lot of accidents happen with minimal damage, like only a broken light.
            Stay in the present, you'll be way happier and alive.

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  • zarabell
    4 years ago

    i like to believe people can change.. and im talking about you, and about me too. this girl is probably constantly fighting in order to be strong, and that must be something you appreciate about her. how about you actually see her for what she is, and try to be more like her?..

    there's no point feeling bad about yourself, if it doen't lead you to become better and feel good eventually. right?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Good point. Part of the reason I asked this question was so people could point out the flaws in my thinking. Overall I think I was just very jealous of her, and sometimes I thought I was mad at her when I was really mad at myself.

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  • my_life_my_way
    4 years ago

    Sounds like the way my ex bf behaved. Especially the child thing really annoyed me because (as a short girl) I’ve had experience of guys treating me like a child. You can work on trying to be braver and more manly but don’t try to undermine her or make her feel inferior. She’s an adult and a full human being, treat her like one.

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  • palehorse
    4 years ago

    Tentative "normal, but ideally something you'd want to overcome." Is it rooted in misogyny? Yes, probably, although I wouldn't blame you for it. Social norms are hard to shake. The idea that real men must be brave and aggressive and generally "dominant" is pushed onto most of us, and you can't help but pick up on that.

    Being insecure sucks and I hope you'll figure things out. Remember that it's okay to be a sensitive guy, and even to date a girl that's more "manly" than you are. The most masculine thing you could do is not worry about looking masculine.

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  • libertybell
    4 years ago

    Don't be jealous that someone was in a 🚗 accident. Be glad that you weren't in a car accident.

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  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    No this is not normal. I hope you don't wussy out when you are faced with a real life and death situation. I also hope this young lady continues to outshine you in every single way imaginable.

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  • bigbudchonga
    4 years ago

    Man up, dude. Misogyny means you hate women. Misogyny isn't a term for when you want to fit into thousands of years of evolutionary practice and be capable of doing brave deeds and protecting the girl you like.

    I don't mean to be a dick about this part, but I would genuinely get your testosterone levels checked. If you truly desire to be braver then you can do it, man, just take steps to sort yourself out.

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