Is it normal i feel some hate or anger towards my second cat?

This is not the first time I have had this happen. I don't understand why I feel the way I do but wish I did understand. The first time it happened was some years back; when I decided to get a second cat. After getting the cat, I started feeling like I didn't like the cat at all. I would feed him and tend to him but when it came to anything else, I wanted nothing to do with him. When I was feeding him and when he was around, I would feel this anger building up inside of me... It was like a kettle on the stove and as the water is heating to a boil, the pressure just keeps building and building until it just pops the top and steam shoots out! I hated myself for feeling that way. Well, I ended up losing both of my cats because I was in an abusive marriage at the time and when I left, I left with only the clothes on my back. A couple years later, I found a small kitten and brought him home. I had Eli for almost a year and a half when I started looking at kittens on Craigslist. I came across one that was so adorable, so I decided I wanted to get him. My only concern about getting him was Eli. I didn't think about the way I had felt the last time I had two cats because I figured the way I had felt had something to do with the cat itself or it was over problems and stress I was dealing with in my life at the time. I went ahead and got the kitten. Two days later, I began experiencing the same things I did the last time. I was back to feeling the anger boiling on the inside of me... I didn't want anything to do with the kitten. I tend to him by feeding him and all but other than that I want nothing to do with him. I don't understand why I feel this way or what is going on inside of me. I dont want to feel the way I do by no means! Do you think its because I just cant love 2 cats at once? Eli is my baby boy. I brought him home at 2 to 3 weeks old and had to bottle feed him because his mama and his sibilings were killed by a dog. Eli was the only one to survive so I'm very attached to him! Then, a couple months ago he became very ill and was on his death bed. I don't know what had happened to him, all I know is I came home from the store and he wasn't acting right so I kept an eye on him and he kept getting worse and worse. The third day, I was so upset because he couldn't even lift his head up so I planned to take him to the vet and have him put down but wanted to give him a couple more hours. I was able to force aspirin down him and get some fluids in him and thank god he started getting better. I nursed him for almost two weeks before he was back to normal which made me even more attached to him. I love him more than I ever loved any animal. So, I have been wondering if the reason I feel how i do is because I am unable to love more than one cat at a time? Has anyone else experienced this or knows someone who has experienced this? Do you know what it is that's causing it? And do you know of anything that would help overcome the feelings? I would love to know because I would try anything to stop feeling this way. I don't like it one bit.