Is it normal i feel detached from artwork i did while i was taking drugs?

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11 Comments

Im an artist and i used to be a meth user. The art I did during the period of my drug use is my most popular work, but I feel detached from it, people see it and say wow you're so talented but I almost feel like I cheated, like a sportsman who took a performance enhancing drug. The work comes from a very dark place and I was a different person at the time I did it so it doesn't feel like mine anymore.

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84% Normal
Based on 38 votes (32 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • shade_ilmaendu
    12 years ago

    Work that comes from a dark place can be some fantastic shit. And just because you aren't the person you used to be doesn't mean that art is any less a part of you... it's a part of your history, and while you should be proud to have gotten away from that and gotten to a healthier place, don't discount those parts of your life either. The gritty stuff brings out the most character, does the most polishing to expand upon the metaphor.

    And if you feel like it's cheating to use drugs to enhance one's work, do yourself a favor and take all your records and CDs and mp3 players and smash them. Because many of the greatest musicians of our recent history have been in part inspired by their altered states.

    I don't think the artwork I do when I'm high or tripping is any less mine or any less credible than the work I do sober. If I was unable to do my art sober, then I would worry that I had a problem. (For reference I smoke weed, Ill do acid or shrooms or e from time to time, drink occasionally and ive tried coke a few times. thats basicaly my drug experience)

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    • kingsleycrowne
      12 years ago

      Are you a Bill Hicks fan by chance? haha theres a comment amongst that that reminded me of an excerpt from one of his shows. I agree with what you are saying, I think alot of artists do their best work when they are drug addled and self tortured. It just seems a shame to me that I can't be proud of the work, because looking at it just brings back so many bad memories. I've flirted with the idea of selling them, but they are so personal to me. It's a very conflicting state to be in. But thank you for taking the time to write your comment and for your empathy :)

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      • shade_ilmaendu
        12 years ago

        :) No problem at all. I initially made this profile because I saw opportunities to help people here, and that's certainly a rewarding way to spend some free time. :P

        Hmm, how long ago was it since you've been clean? I feel like with more distance from the bad times the easier it gets, though I get the feeling you're older than I am. Im 22 and Ive had some bad experiences in my life, in childhood and then my late teen years. I'm only about a year outside of the last bad thing to have happened, but thanks to a few good friends, a good counselor and support from my family and SO the memories are getting easier to cope with already. It's getting easier by degrees to see rape scenes or rape jokes in television. And its going much faster than I thought... honestly I sort of expected I would have been more fucked up for longer.

        I've just recently started doing some artwork related to what happened to me; I don't know if I'd sell any of it but I know I want it to be a gallery display.. something I can use to reach out to other victims.

        Basically the point I'm trying to make is it might just not be time yet... Healing time is different for everyone and I have a very limited idea of what you went through, but our minds and bodies are pretty damn resiliant. History has plenty of examples of that. :)

        And Ill have to look up Bill Hicks. I know I've heard of him but I'm not extremely familiar.

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        • kingsleycrowne
          12 years ago

          22 hey, you are wise beyond your years. I am 28 and I've been clean for 2 months. (A long time for me since I was a heavy user.) My life has improved so much I think I can fight relapsing, you're right it only gets easier with time and distance. Sorry to hear you suffered a traumatic experience, art is great to channel that out and like you said reach out to others. The embodiment in art can make a viewer with similar experiences feel less alone, so its a great idea to hold an exhibition. Best of luck with it and well done in your progress of overcoming your adversity.

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          • shade_ilmaendu
            11 years ago

            Sometimes. Sometimes I'm an idiot as well, but we all have our problems. ;P While for heavy use that is a long time, I remember where I was two months after shit went down... the person you'll be a year from now might have a hard time recognizing the person you are today. I know new people have come into my life and I'm glad I didn't meet them when things were bad, because I was almost a different person then.

            Sorry it took me a minute to get back to this, sometimes my notices get weird or I'm browsing on my phone and forget things. :)

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  • tbiM20
    12 years ago

    It's normal. You are not the same as when you used meth - you're recovering! The old stuff is just popular with the crowd you are currently advertising to. Try a new venue with the new stuff, advertise it as the work of a recovering addict maybe. Also, the old work is STILL your work. Consider it an old chapter - its still part of your past, just not YOU. Don't feel like you cheated... accept it as your past, sell it and move on. Good luck!

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  • Allistalla
    11 years ago

    thats proboly why the drugs made it not your own inspiration .

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    • kingsleycrowne
      11 years ago

      Well the drugs were very escapist, so was the art. I was channelling my own frustrations through the work so the work is very dark.

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  • Evilina17
    12 years ago

    It's completely normal because you were in a different state at the time and your brain was responding to the drugs and not your normal...brain functioning and things...

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    • truercheese
      12 years ago

      I agree with this. You were in a completely different state of mind. It's kinda like the meth was opening different parts of your brain that you normally wouldn't use when sober.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I think this is normal.

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