Is it normal i don't think this is normal [domestic abuse].

16% Normal
28 Comments

I just woke up to my mother (53 yo) screaming violently. This kind of thing used to happen very frequently for almost no reason. Laying in bed I ignored it until I heard my step-father crying like a baby (75 yo), and when I began to listen in, she was screaming "STOP CRYING" repeatedly. She was also insulting him horribly. What disturbed me is that she's screaming at him to stop crying after I know she made him cry by saying and doing some erratic things. That's the only time he cries, when she is having a meltdown that he can't control understand or control.

Suddenly, I heard my step-dad run into the bathroom and slam the door shut. She was banging on the door violently. I think he got scared and opened it. I got up really quick, and found him on the bathroom floor crying with her standing over him screaming at him to stop. I obviously ripped her out of the bathroom so he can get up.

What should I do? This is my brother's apartment and not theirs. I love my step-dad, and call him my grandfather, but he and my mother(who is the reason we didn't want them here) basically showed up on day. They were evicted and said they would go to a homeless shelter the next night. They never did. Yesterday, I resolved to move out after my grandfather told me that my childhood experiences with my mother did not happen, but were drawn "from books" and "imagination". I couldn't believe he would say that to me, yet low and behold: here we are again, except that I am not a child anymore and he seems to be the weakest link.

This whole thing today started because apparently she was on the phone with "the government", who claimed they had not lived at their previous apartment. My grandfather piped in and said that he will fax them a lease.

I don't know what to do. I think that I should get her forcibly evaluated. I don't know how though. While my step-dad is crying, she was hovering over him telling him to stop screaming. He defends her, which is sad. He makes her food. He listens and agrees with her non stop babble-fest. He takes orders from her, following her every instruction. She's not mentally stable, she never has been.

I can't tell you how many times (in the past) we've had the cops called on us because of her screaming. Shit is different now, this is not her house and she does not pay rent. She doesn't contribute anything.

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16% Normal
Based on 50 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Throw her ass out and keep the man around. She is obviously abusing him, and the best thing you should do is report her and try get him help for domestic violence victims.
    If I was him, I would of retaliated, but obviously he is worn down or just not able to defend himself due to his nature. Why such a man would put up with her is beyond me.
    In my opinion, next time your mother does this, pin her down. Tell her face to face that she's going to stop abusing him, and if she doesn't, then you'll do everything in your power to make sure she gets what she deserves.

    The man can't defend himself, you have to help him.

    Please, help him the best that you can.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      no no. he can defend himself. he is by no means helpless. I don't get why he puts up with her shit but he's put up with worse women, honestly. Her presence is very chaotic and unsettling, which is why we can't just have her around making us nervous, angry, and fight for no reason. We can't just kick them out either, they have no where to live. if we kick her out, he's going with.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        He can, but he won't, and it is much harder for a man to defend against women as such due to it being seen as the less manly thing to do to women, which isn't, but that's what a lot of men think in today's world.

        Try to tell him that he is welcome to stay, there will always be a place for him, make him understand that he isn't bound to her, and does he really want to sacrifice his welbeing for someone not taking his wellbeing in to consideration.

        As for the mother, I think it would be a good lesson. Show he that you won't stand for it, and if it continues, you will t hrow her out perminantly. Besides, it must be very uncomfortable for you aswell, which gives you full right to throw her out.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          are you not understanding that he is loyal to her, regardless of the things she says, does, and thinks? trust me, she's said, done and thought some pretty fucked up shit. he has too; they are bound.

          besides, keep your bullshit world views out of my post. if he was the aggressor you'd be steady trying to convince yourself that she must have done something to him.

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      • dalmationUntoyourSoul
        11 years ago

        there's no telling what she does to him when it's just the two of them. please find out what authority to call and get this man some help, if he won't help himself.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          she doesn't do anything to him besides flap her gums and occasionally this kind of shit

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          • dalmationUntoyourSoul
            11 years ago

            well that's good. it's hard to tell much from IIN posts.

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  • BlueAlice
    11 years ago

    Of course it's normal that you don't think it's normal.

    Your mother needs involuntary sectioning and/or arrest and your stepdad needs counselling. There are plenty of books on how and why abusers act the way they are and how to get the courage to escape - get him one sooner rather than later.

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  • eebean2
    11 years ago

    Put them in a nursing home? or Home for the elderly?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      we are in our early 20s. I'm actually 20.

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  • dalmationUntoyourSoul
    11 years ago

    i think you should talk to your brother about it. i don't think your grandfather would have seriously told you that your childhood abuses were imaginary if he could help it. he sounds sweet. and helpless. i have women in my family like this too. i didn't realize it until i was in my twenties because i had allowed myself to be manipulated so badly and i was afraid. i think your mother is very manipulative and worships satan. i feel for ya, i really do. don't know what advice to give, but me and my brother pretty much stopped having contact with these women and they got better, but not completely. she'll just have to be on her own. it's a shame, grandfather probably thinks he can't live without her. your brother should know what to do hopefully. i hope this works out for you soon brother.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      and I'm a girl. lol.

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      • dalmationUntoyourSoul
        11 years ago

        i do feel for ya man. hopefully things will get better soon.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          thanks. i appreciate it :)

          I'll be moving the hell out real soon :)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      he is a good man. but he is just a man. he seriously did tell me my childhood didn't happen. he did a lot of selfless things for me, but it's hard to turn my head away from the times he called me worthless and trash, and said that it was my fault my mother was the way she was.

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    My mom is going through something similar with her mother right now, although not violent. She can no longer take care of herself, but she refuses to let anyone outside help with her care. Just last week, she nearly died because she stopped taking her medication, and then when the ambulence came, she tried to fight them off and the police had to forcably escort her.

    There's a service you can call that will come and evaluate her, and if she's not sane you can ask the government for power of attorney so you can put her in a home or something. If you call some health care professionals, they could probably point you in the right direction.

    But I'm only suggesting this because she's your mother. The other option is to just kick them out without remorse. It's not her place, and legally you can just tell her to beat it and she'd have to leave or be arrested.

    There's no reason that you should have to suffer through this though.

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  • Kagean
    11 years ago

    Sounds like you should have a loooong talk about your problems, with you as "the judge".
    If she started to scream in the first place, there ought to be a damn good reason for it if you guys should allow it. Make her realize how lucky she is for having a man like that, and make her feel really guilty or something.

    Oh what the hell..

    Just make the bitch face the facts. Your way, or the highway...

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    Pardon my blunt opinions, but your mother is a crazy bitch! Mine is as well, and it is very hard to get a forcible evaluation. If there was a minor in the house it would be much easier, as she could be seen as a danger to the minor, as we did with my mother (drunk). You can legally force nothing on her until she does physical harm to another human being, as long as there are only legal adults in the house.

    I'd give her a final warning on the violence, and if she freaks out, throw her ass out and keep the man around if he chooses to stay.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      haha she did this kind of shit when we were 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17. sigh.

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      • Captain_Kegstand
        11 years ago

        Sadly, you waited too long to use the "we are innocent little kids" card.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          hyfr. lol. I meant that: when my mom was terrorizing us as children, no agency stepped in. Not even my beloved step-father. Which is why I have denounced his importance. I can't take him seriously anymore.

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          • Captain_Kegstand
            11 years ago

            They never seem too. We had to go to the police and sign some paperwork to say that my mother was a danger to my little brother. They even made us find someone outside the house to sign as a witness before they would do anything!

            It was kind of funny, because when the police came to take her, she said my father was abusive and wouldn't give her shoes, so she couldn't go. He gave her his shoes because they were closest to the door and she just needed to go to rehab lolz. I'll never forget the confused look on the cops face when she tried to pull that card.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    she may have mental health issues she needs help

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  • jondoerandom
    11 years ago

    That's a tough one.. it's definitely an abusive situation, even if she doesn't hit him -on emotional level it is.

    But they're still your parents, how can you let them go to a homeless shelter? Your step dad needs to go to an elderly home and receive a proper care if he doesn't have anywhere else to go. Your mom still has a good decade until retirement so she can work and help you guys.

    But, eventually, it's yours and your brother's responsibility to find them a living arrangement. if they don't get along anymore maybe they should split.

    Anyway, it's really hard to say anything from a little post on a website, hopefully you got my point.
    Good luck!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      He's not a cripple. He doesn't need a elderly home. She has't had a job in over 10 years. She has legitimate health issues but part of me knows that she just...likes to be sick and helpless so that people like my stepfather can pity her and make her food.

      I am 20 and my brother is 23. There is no way either of us will be able to find them living arrangements.

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      • jondoerandom
        11 years ago

        You don't need to be disabled to be in a nursing home. We also have something called "assisted living" here, I bet you know what it is -like home, but has much more freedom for the old folks.

        it'll cost you around 3k annually, though.. but you both are probably working, so you gotta do what you gotta do.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          my other grandfather (biological) was 82 when he died, two weeks after being forced into a nursing home by his family.

          Beside the fact that I wouldn't do that to my stepdad, I have no intention of supporting my mother. I can barely support myself.

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  • melloelf
    11 years ago

    sit him down away from her and ask him why he puts up with this crap, there's a very thin chance that there is something wrong with your mum to make her act this way.
    when you find out shes just a cunt, you and your brother confront her - either the behaviour stops and she sees a fucking therapist, or she leaves. there should be nothing else other than those 2 choices, unfortunately by the sounds of it this is normal behaviour for her so she will probably not see what shes doing is wrong and by you staying silent you condone it.
    good luck mate.

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