Is it normal i desire an unhealthy body image?

I'll start straight up. I'm a male. I am gay. And I don't like my body.

I am in my twenties and still am very slim and kinda short. I know that I'm healthy, my weight is ok for my size and my body is averge and healthy.

But I still don't like it.

I want a buff body. But not the way society always thinks, with abs and defined muscles and such. No.
I'd like to be buff as fat. An average man whom arms and legs are big and thick, but not by intense excersice or morbid obesity. Jut little bit fatty.

I have tried and have come to terms that there are many body types. My body is 'naturally skinny' (ectomorph) and when I tried to get buff by "overweight" I just got a slightly bigger tummy. But just that, my arms and legs were as slim as always. When tried to get buff by excersice I just got even skinnier and still did not like the result.

So yeah, genetics gave me a slim nice body, but I'd prefer a chubbier one. I know that being fat is unhealthy and it's better to be fit but, at least for me a chubbier body seems appealing and attractive.

I'd like to have an endomorph type of body. (Which is not possible I think) but my questions remain.

Is it normal that I want to be fat?

Is it normal I find chubby boys attractive and cute and I want to be like them?

And so
What should I do then?

Keep trying to get my "ideal" body?
OR
Get the body society tells me to get?
(you know, too muscular and fit) and hope to find a lover who may have that body I like so much.

Please, share your opinions and thoughts with me.