Is it normal i can't keep a male best friend?

71% Normal
12 Comments

When I become friends with a guy who's really nice but I'm not attracted to, i can't help being nice to him. I guess because I'm not interested i don't get nervous or self concious and its easier to just be myself and relaxed... And then i start freaking out because sometimes i can tell the guy is starting to fall for me. I feel the need to mention my boyfriend and all.
It's confusing cause id like to just enjoy their company as friends without feeling that im giving the wrong signals. How can i be nice but clearly not flirting?

What do you suggest?
(girls) Have this ever happened to you?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 38 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    Pro-tip. Guys will most likely feel attraction to you if you're someone they enjoy being around. Ofcourse it isn't always the case but happens a lot. I think it's how things should be.

    What I don't get is why someone would want a male "best friend"...It's almost like those women that want a gay guy best friend, fruit flies or faghags or whatever they're called. It's almost as if they're trying to make an social accessory more than a friend. Obviously if you're just looking for a friend and the person who becomes your friend is male (or female if the sexes are reversed) it's not weird but when someone intentionally wants a bestie who is gay or the opposite sex, it just seems to me it's more of a social accessory than a friendship.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Well, it's not that my goal is to collect best friends, but I see where you are coming from.
      The thing is, this guy is really fun to hang out with but when he looks at me I sense an awkwardness I've seen before. I suppose I'll find him a girlfriend just to make sure :P
      (just kidding)

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      • [Old Memory]
        8 years ago

        Introduce him to some of your female friends. Well, when I say introduce I mean have like a time out with friends so that he can socialize with them rather than an awkward "here's friend A, Friend A, this is Friend B" sort of thing.

        But yeah, maybe that will help to be honest. If he's feeling attraction to you then try to point that attraction to someone else who he could be with. I done that with a few friends I've had before and it worked. :)

        A friends night out with you, your guy friend, and your gal friends. Let him bring a friend with him too, a guy friend so he doesn't feel awkward about it and that you can say something came up so that he and some gal friends can get to know eachother. :)

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  • Koda
    8 years ago

    First off, I have to say that, personally, I don't have any problem at all being friends with someone who's attracted to me when I'm not attracted to them. I just like the attention. Usually, like you mentioned, if you're good to them, they'll take it as interest, but I guess I get some kind of sick satisfaction from being around people that are crushing on me xD

    I'm a guy and I have quite a few good female friends. With most of them, there's no attraction from either party. Sure, that makes things a lot less complicated, but once or twice I've been close friends with someone I WAS attracted to. Probably these friendships did start out with me wanting to be closer to them in some way (ya know, cuz I thought they were cute!), but then I learned that not only were they attractive and cool, but also smart, interesting, and fun people to be around. Why would I give up an opportunity to be friends with someone like that?

    Eventually, if not reciprocated for long enough, the attraction does fade, so you just have to stick it out, and I think friends are well worth it. There will always be girls that will like you back, so why reject a girl's friendship just because it'll never become something else?

    I do hope that I don't come off as obvious as the guy you're talking about, cuz I wouldn't want to put someone in an awkward position. I try to act as if I don't have any feelings for them whatsoever. Though, one time, I was frank about it. I just told the girl, "hey I love being your friend, and I'm completely OK with being just friends, but I think you should know that I do have kind of a crush on you, but that it won't affect anything, because I know you don't feel that way about me". That plan backfired. She was never comfortable around me again because she didn't believe that I wouldn't try to seduce her or something. It's all for the best though, because obviously she never really took the time to know me well enough to know that I'd never put pressure on someone like that.

    I believe close friendships can exist even when one of the friends has feelings for the other that aren't reciprocated. One of my best friends in high school was a girl I had a huge crush on, and one of my current friends is gay and has feelings for me. People just need to realize when they have something good and not to be so "all or nothing". With a good friend, you should theoretically get everything but the sex.

    My advice to you would be to make sure the guy knows that you're just friends and that you're taken, but that you really enjoy his company as a friend and maybe tell him that you think he as the qualities that will make some girl very happy (just not you).

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      thanks for the advice :)

      Your "why reject a girl's friendship just because it'll never become something else?" philosophy is great.

      I think there are too many jokes about the "friendzone" situation, and that just makes the boy look stupid and the girl look mean (boy-girl, girl-girl etc., those are interchangeable, I'm just using the most common example in the jokes)

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  • fluffypinkcloud
    8 years ago

    Yup..I had so many"false"friends like that..and the end they became disappointed and hated me for being just a friend to them

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Yeah.. it's almost like you'd like to able able to say:
      just to be clear, we should be friends.
      Well, actually there are some phrases some girls use, like "oh, you are like a brother to me"

      It's just that I'd like to be able to not feel guilty about laughing at someone's jokes! The only thing I can come up with is to mention my boyfriend, hahahaha.

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  • deshikd
    8 years ago

    Honestly, just don't worry about it that much. As long as you're not intentionally leading him on then your not doing anything wrong.

    It's happened to me. If the guy does end up getting the wrong idea, just tell them you're sorry and that they misunderstood. If he's actually your friend he'll be nice about it.

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  • flamer180
    8 years ago

    It's natural for guys to feel this way. And girls. It's just natural attraction.

    But of course it's understandable that you tell him you have a boyfriend, if you really do lol

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  • pandey
    8 years ago

    7225095770 7225018494 i am interested

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago

    I don't know how the friendzone thing would work with gay couples.
    I think most of the myths about the typical "loser boy that gets friendzoned" have a lot to do with traditional gender stereotypes, machismo and everything, how would this translate to gay relationships? Is it the same?

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    • Koda
      8 years ago

      In my case, I made friends with my gay friend when we were seven. At the time, we hadn't hit puberty, so of course he didn't even know he was gay yet. He realized he liked guys around age 11, but he didn't realize he liked me that way until we were about 13. The whole "friendzone" thing didn't exist then, but I remember that he would make a lot of sexual jokes around me and sort of tease me. It was unusual, because he'd never acted like that around me before. When we went camping, he came out to me, but he only told me that he liked me a year later. I didn't have any problem with it, but I worried that he'd feel frustrated around me or become jealous when I'd date a girl. Eventually, he told me he'd stopped carrying a torch for me, though he did still find me attractive. I guess he realized my friendship wasn't worth losing over jealousy. He's still one of my closest friends to this day, though he did move away.

      The friendzone thing does exist in the gay community as well. There's this dude who is absolutely head over heels for my friend, but my friend just thinks of him as an acquaintance. He finds this guy's obsession pretty annoying. I think machismo is also alive and well within the gay community. The confident, macho guys get all the respect and are afforded more sexual opportunity. The femme guys are treated as "lesser". It's a cross-cultural phenomenon. It's time things changed, I think.

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