Is it normal i can see myself commiting suicide in the future?

50% Normal
28 Comments

First of all, im NOT suicidal. But I hate my life, I feel like im trapped by something I dont know, like an invisible negative force of some sort. Like im stuck in time or something and I can’t get myself free from it. I feel like im losing my bond with my own family and friends. My friends tried contacting me but I just dont know what to tell them, sometimes I pretend not to see their texts and then reply to them when I know that they are asleep just because I dont feel like talking. In fact, I haven’t gone out for two years because i don’t feel like it. I tried but i got bored easily. I also lost interest in listening to music and drawing which I used to love so much that oftentimes I used to spend the whole day wearing my head phones listening to music or drawing random things and experimenting. I tried doing them again but they got boring. I get angry and annoyed very easily about the smallest things and end up hurting people’s feelings. Ive stopped caring about my physical appearance and i don’t care anymore whether im eating healthy or not. I think my negative energy is slowly eating me away and oftentimes I imagine myself committing suicide. And I think that in the future, I’ll be killing myself off. I know im weird. Sorry, I wrote a lot. didn’t even notice lol.

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 24 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • megadriver
    5 years ago

    Story of my life... Depression sucks. Tho yours is more serious. I just hate my life and my mistakes. I haven't gotten to the point to completely alienate myself from my loved ones and the things I love.

    I suggest professional help. Try to occupy yourself. Focus on your job, read books, try a new hobby, or a new sport. Suicide is the easy way out, it's not right. That's the loser's way out. You are not a loser. Think of all the people that love you... Think of what you'll put them through.
    That stopped me. Last week I was staring at a highway intersection, wearing no seatbelt, disconnected airbag module, blasting straight at it at 240kmh!
    My girlfriend rang. I swerved left and avoided the crash.
    She told me she loved me and was coming home early. Can't get a better wakeup call than that. I thought about my mom and dad. I stopped the car and cried on the side of the road. Reconnected the airbag module, put my seatbelt on and went home. Gave my girlfriend a long hug and told her "Thank you". She has no idea what I thanked her for and she'll never find out.
    But I swore to never let such thoughts govern my life ever again! I can't do that to the people I love.
    I may be a miserable, self loathing dick with a struggling business, 3 cars who drinks himself to sleep, but I'm no loser.
    I will work on finding happiness and I believe I will eventually find it and so will you. Stay strong!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I’m not diagnose with depression so i don’t wanna assume anything. But do u think that i do? I often imagine killing myself but i dont have suicidal thoughts. I dont want anyone to know that i feel this way cuz im scared. Is it something people experience all the time when life gets hard? But based on what u know, do u think i have depression? Sorry, im so repetitive.

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      • megadriver
        5 years ago

        I do think you have depression and a very serious case of it. I deal with depression too, but when you lose interest in all the things you like and alienate yourself from people, that's the alarm going off. Serious depression that needs to be dealt with.

        But I do get where you're coming from. I can't tell anyone I love about my issues, cause I don't want to worry them. But as I said, I do try to occupy myself and drown out the depression. And it does work to varying degrees of success. Other than that, a drink before bed helps me to get at ease.

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        • Miss_Aquarius
          5 years ago

          I agree with megadriver, I think you need to talk to someone about it. You should be able to enjoy life and have things that give you joy and happiness. I have bad anxiety and depression, I can relate to most things you mention but not as serious as I can still have interest in things often still even when im down. The best thing to do is talk to a professional about it, I see a psychologist monthly and it helps me a lot, I've recently started taking medication too, talking to a professional does help even though they can't just magically help and make all your problems go away (I wish they could). This feeling happens to people all the time and is normal, the best thing to do is to try get help before it gets worse. (Sorry I probably just repeated what other people said and talked to much about my own issues) Happy to chat if you want to talk more.

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  • AntiArchon
    5 years ago

    feel the same way.. damn brain chemical imbalance:(

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  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    Get help.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      i dont want to tell anybody

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      • BleedingPain
        5 years ago

        Why not? I mean sure there are lots of reasons why: denial, lazyness, fear. Your gut is telling you somethin aint right, and there are ways to help get through whatever it is you are experiencing.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          Because it’s useless. I’ve been like this since I was a kid, and I think that no one, not even medications, can help me. It’s probably just part of my personality. I think that i just have to learn how to live with myself. I can’t talk about these things and I don’t want people to think that I’m like this and I dont want them to treat me differently. I know that there are people out there who got help and got better, but it’s because they’re brave. As for me, im not brave enough like them and even tho i manage to become brave enough, i dont think it’ll change anything. Im sorry for being so pessimistic, but thats just how i see it.

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          • BleedingPain
            5 years ago

            This feeling of negativity as frequent as it is, is not normal. But eventually you will do what is right for you. Until you want to change, the problem will persist as is.

            i used to cut a lot (as a statement that turned into an addiction) and people telling me that my behavior was not normal made me detest and ignore my problems more. I now see what a moron I was but it took me a while to get to that stage.

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      • hithigh
        5 years ago

        Last fall I was in a similar situation as you are describing. I also didn't want anyone to know. I eventually told one person who I trusted and they assisted me in getting professional help, both with a Dr and a counselor. It has really helped me to begin feeling normal again.
        So I would suggest telling somebody, whether it is a friend or if you go directly to a doctor or social worker. They can also help you figure out if there are physical factors impacting how you feel.

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      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        It's the only way. It may not be pleasant, but I'm sure you'll end up for the better.

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  • bogbrush
    5 years ago

    You have all the classic signs of clinical depression and need medication/therapy. You don't need to justify or explain yourself to family and friends if you don't want to, but you must seek professional help. You can get over this but when depression strikes the overwhelming feeling is one of hopelessness. You can turn your life around. x

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  • Dwhelan
    5 years ago

    Hello m8, i recently went through a pretty rough patch of deep depression caused what i believed to be anxiety from a psychotic episode that was drug related. To preface, i never do drugs, my friend offered me weed and i accepted as i had done it a few times before and enjoyed the results but the strand he had was very strong and stepped on, long story short it gave me a mild but horrifying trip of psychosis that lasted several days. The weird thoughts I had during this event lingered for so long that it made it hard to go out and do anything upon doing that I became a shut-in and lost sight one anything important or why anything mattered. Then i realized that the very reason i was scared or questioning these feelings is the reason i knew deep down i cared about my life, same as you. There is light in there youre just on a journey to find it. I went to the doctor and also found that my vitamin levels had also been screwed up which had caused my thinking to become skewed. I would suggest making sure everything is right physically before working on yourself mentally. After that, the answers will start to clear up. Everyone has to go through a little mental questioning to fully appreciate life because it truly is a beautiful thing. Keep fighting and searching man, the answers always come to those who wait.

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  • SammyStarts
    5 years ago

    I think you might be depressed. The losing interest. The isolation. The thought of suicide. I would see a doctor if you're comfortable with the idea.

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  • rayb12
    5 years ago

    I'm not worried about you. You have lots of creative energy and this is typical that it can carry you down and to a place of not caring or finding excitement in anything. What you will learn is everything being put into frustration and anger and boredom can be transmuted into happiness and inspiration relaxation, work, etc.

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  • perfectxsilence
    5 years ago

    I feel the same. 100%

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  • Brigett
    5 years ago

    Hey last night I tried to kill my sled but I’m over it sum how and didn’t go to bed till 5 cause all the damn pills I took and I felt bad cause I make my bf cry bc he was worried he would wake up and get a phone call that I was dead so he woke me up at 6 and yea it’s normal and I’m not suicidal either, and I’m sorry that happening to you

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    • rayb12
      5 years ago

      You can always call 1800273 TALK they are cool people there and just talk to you. You don't need to be suicidal to call.

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  • NobodysNormal
    5 years ago

    Maybe slightly off-topic question: Do you ever worry that you're kind of losing yourself because you're not so interested in the same stuff you used to be? Bc I used to worry about that a lot

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  • Backproblems
    5 years ago

    Don't let your dreams be memes friend.

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  • jethro
    5 years ago

    Play the theme song to M*A*S*H.

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  • Mynameisasecrettoyou
    5 years ago

    Find help dont be afraid dont give up there is still a hope for you

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Im not suicidal tho. I really dont think anyone can help me, tbh. Im on my own

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      • NobodysNormal
        5 years ago

        ever seen a psychiatrist about it? It may be worth a try

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          I’m just a broke a college student lol. And even if i have the money, i wouldn’t go see one either.

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  • cipro
    5 years ago

    Depression. Take antidepressants or try therapy.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I’m not diagnose with depression tho.

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