Is it normal i can never truly be happy for others- including friends & family

67% Normal
6 Comments

People have always said that I'm sweet, nice, and mature. While I do try to be a nice person to others, I can be disgustingly negative, selfish, and have a serious tendency to feel sorry for myself. But above all, one of my worst traits is that I can be very critical, and jealous of even my friends.

For example, one of my friends is involved in dance, and is planning on becoming a dance instructor when she graduates college. I've always regretted never being as interested in it as I should have been as a child (Because I was really floaty and had a short attention span), and part of me feels like it was a missed opportunity even to at least continue doing it until middle school or high school. So I've always been a little jealous of her, and I never really felt happy for her whenever I saw her perform onstage; I was good at faking that I was happy for her, but honestly, I was jealous. Even when she found a boyfriend, I didn't feel happy for her, because I had always assumed that none of us would ever get one because we weren't exactly "girlfriend" material.

I wasn't even happy when all of my friends got to attend all the colleges they wanted to go to, because I was instead resentful of the fact that they were all leaving me behind to go to their four year schools while I stayed behind and went to community college even though we were told constantly by teachers and other students that our county's community colleges was the best ever, and would save money in the long run.

I feel like that my life needs to be better than others; or at least on par with others. I feel like I need to be able to live on my own instead of living off of my parents or their money, I feel like I should have had a boyfriend (where the relationship is stable and healthy) already (Because fuck, I'm gonna be 21 soon), I feel like I should have made new friends already now that I'm finally in my dream college, I feel like I should have had done better in school by now when I don't think I've made any progress at all since high school, and I don't think I've ever moved on from high school like I thought I would when everyone else, from my friends to my classmates, obviously have.

Everyone else has already experienced at least one of those things, except for me. And I'm gonna be alone, unhappy, friendless, in ten years from now because I know deep down that I'm not the good person that everyone thinks I am, because I'm jealous of everyone else's success, and I'm too selfish and lazy to even try to change.

I know that this is a long post, but I feel like this was the best way to communicate my state of mind. I can't ever truly be happy for others, I just CAN'T. Has anyone else felt this way? Or at least known people like this?

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 24 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I always say; ''Someone that is happy with herself, can easily be happy for someone else.''

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    "And I'm gonna be alone, unhappy, friendless, in ten years from now because I know deep down that I'm not the good person that everyone thinks I am, because I'm jealous of everyone else's success, and I'm too selfish and lazy to even try to change."

    If you stop doing or thinking that way, your world might change.

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    I have honestly felt this way but its strange. I'm not sure whether I want people to fail or not, I'm very aware that misery loves company is true in my case but at the very same time, the idea of someone else being in my shoes makes me sick. I want people to win, and I don't know why, but when I hear about peoples success I find it difficult to be happy for them. It's hit and miss I guess. I get it though. I feel like I'm being left behind. Maybe thats what I hate so much, it has less to do with them being happy is has to do with me not being able to join them. To feel isolated and regressive is awful. I'm still broken, like you, maybe once we were both good and innocent. I like to think as good I would celebrate in others happiness but it's hard for me now. Don't be too hard on yourself either because I think a lot of people are like this.

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  • blakegirlboyboth
    9 years ago

    Someone needs to tell you this and you better listen. Nothing NOTHING will ever change if you don't step up to the plate and start. You're lazy so what. You're selfish SO WHAT! If you really want something you need to find the strength in yourself to do it, because if you don't your life really will never change and you'll end up exactly where you think you're going- nowhere. And you have to STOP being jealous and sorry for yourself because there is nothing for you to jealous of or sorry for. You say you're jealous of your friends because they have all these things you feel should have or need. Well let me clue you in on something, they HAVE those things because they stepped up and STRIVED for them. The things you want will not just fall in your lap; even if you "feel" they should. (It didn't for them and it wont for you)
    There is no reason for you to be sorry for yourself because you still have your whole life ahead of you (21 is nothing) and have time to change it. I can't control your life and what you decide to do, I can only hope that you listen to this message and try. You are so much more than you think... and you already have the strength. Now all you have to do is believe it.

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  • Holzman_67
    10 years ago

    I think.you.have got.to stop.comparing yourself to others

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  • carinadvicer
    10 years ago

    Hey don't beat yourself up! I don't really think its abnormal to feel jealous however it doesn't get us out of ourselves and our own goals and dreams. Stop thinking of what they have and try to focus on yourself and what you want. We don't have to be always 'happy for others' but it helps our own peace of mind.

    I am probably digging a hole for myself here now but Im being totally honest and authentic in saying I've felt jealous and that was of my own son, who is a successful musician and did well with an album; which I was really proud of; but this year he brought out a music related book for kids and I felt jealous of him. I've always wanted a book published But yet I've seldom got down and worked hard enough. Or I have; but just for a day or two!! Then given up again.
    It is hard when you want something and never quite 'get there' Its not always a lack of working hard enough and luck comes into it too and who you know; but the main difficult is HOW to do it! Why not fork out and see a Life coach if you can afford it. They might be able to point you in the right direction and help you focus If not there are steps online to reach goals.
    That's my main issue too 'FOCUS' I drift off too easily and I think its the Bain of the creative person!! We just need a little help staying focused.
    Its hard to ask for that at times but floundering around is usually has a reason behind it. We cant always know 'how to' reach our goals and it starts to feel confusing and difficult. Don't give up just yet!

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