Is it normal i am bitchy because i have too much empathy and hate being unkind

60% Normal
7 Comments

I basically think of myself as being a good person - it is never my intention to hurt anyone. However, I am perceived as being a bitchy person, this is the opposite of what I ever would have wanted. When I analysed the situation, I found one key cause - I do not like to be unkind to people, especially if they do not deserve it. For example, my flatmate Annabel - she has come to the UK from the netherlands, and she steals off me. Alot. Food, cosmetics, sanitary items - even down to, my other flatmate has seen her take rolls of toilet paper out of my bathroom, she just steals. But she is a nervous, shy girl, and even though her stealing drives me crazy and makes me hate her (just too long a list of what she has taken) I can't bring myself to be unkind to her because I don't want her to feel isolated in this country and hated by the people she lives with. Hence, I blow off steam by bitching about her, while being kind to her face, which makes me a bitch.

I can think of countless situations which are similar, but particularly with men. I don't want to hurt their feelings, so while I don't lead them on and I think place them firmly in the friend zone, they keep trying, and I don't like to be cruel, so I'll try to make it clear that I'm not interested without explicitly saying so, but they will ignore my signals. Eventually, even though I think I've made it clear I'm not interested by talking about other guys I'm interested in, talking about what good friends they are etc, they'll make a move which I will be forced to rebuff, and they call me a bitch for leading them on (even though I haven't done anything sexual or romantic with them, all I've done is talk to them in a friendly/non flirtatious way).

Is it normal that my good intentions to let people down gently always gets me called a bitch? Is it normal that people call me a bitch, just because I have tried to be decent and unoffensive?

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 42 votes (25 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 7 )
  • somebodysgirl
    10 years ago

    You're not honest with people you don't like. Just get them out of your life and stop talking about them. You're not being kind or decent and you're not showing empathy. You're just being nasty behind their back.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Neapolitana
    11 years ago

    I also do some similar things. It might help you out if you try to be more direct with people (even though I can tell you don't like conflict). Work on being OK with slightly negative interactions with people. It will save you worse times later;)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Yeah, yopu're just being a bitch.
    I do the same thing on the by and by about relatives, but when it comes to the situations that you are describing, it is better to just assert yourself.

    First of all, your concern for your flat mate's feelings is moot. She knows that stealing is wrong. Is she was so concerned about fitting in, she wouldn't steal from you and you need to tell her how you feel. Second, it ain't right for you to lead men on, it's not cool.

    People won't be aware of how you feel unless you say it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • SharP
    11 years ago

    if you have so much empathy then why are you running around blabbing your mouth about other people? women...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      She isn't blabbing her mouth off to spread negativity, she is "bitching" because she needs a stress release from not being able to hurt someones feelings that is doing wrong to her, so she vents.

      You aren't too good at deductive thinking...

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • SharP
        11 years ago

        If she was better at deductive thinking she'd realize that the smart thing to do would be to confront her problems in an adult manner rather than allowing people to believe that they are doing no wrong. She is doing her room mate no favors by letting her think that crime is tolerable and she is doing herself no favors by letting herself get worked up in stress as opposed to stepping up and handling the problems.

        You can mock my thinking a you want but the fact of the matter is that this shit talking of hers can destroy her credibility and trust if she is found out whereas she could have just handled the issue at hand. Life is stressful. Deal with it.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          Sorry, I was a bit irritated with something else when I typed that, I don't actually believe you're dumb.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0