Is it normal i am allergic to being vunerable

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6 Comments

I am allergic to saying "I love you" and shit like "I need you" even "I want you" no matter how strongly I feel it. I have reveal that the person infront of me is one of my weaknesses because I "love him" and "need him". With this information he can plot anything against me. The irony is that i've gotten hurt so much because I didn't say these things to men and therefore appeared not trustworthy or worth fighting for and I disappointed people without intending to.
All i've ever wanted since I was a lonely child is to be loved, appreciated and fought for by a man sometime in my life. To experience love and be able to give it. Its been a disappointment everytime ive realized how allergic to it I am, and seeing men I had feelings for eventually give up on figuring me out and finding someone else instead. And I know I have attatchment issues so that hasnt helped much. Twice in my life a man has come back for me still (one currently), for some reason. I pity them. It's the same as when i've loved unavailable men and not been able to let go of the thought that I might be able to change them (which in itself is fucking hilarious as I cant even provide anything to change them with). I guess I learned early on that expressing my feelings is a bad thing or can disrupt the peace. I've needed to be the strong one a lot since I was a kid. That my emotions are stupid and should not be uttered out loud like when i've gotten made fun of for things I like.

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Based on 5 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • olderdude-xx
    2 years ago

    Your not actually allergic. You are young and inexperienced, and your childhood has worked against you.

    Start by joining an activity group on something you enjoy. It's OK to be shy. Just enjoy the activity and start with small talk with other people about the activity and how it fits into your life (and theirs).

    It's a journey, and will take some time and effort (anything worth doing takes time and effort); but, you can find what you are looking for...

    Just know that often it takes multiple attempts to find the perfect partner for you, be that as a real friend or as your future husband.

    I wish you well with this,

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  • RoseIsabella
    2 years ago

    Nope, not normal. Have you tried to seek out professional help?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Ive had therapy before but it was before I realized where the issue stems from so I didnt talk about it I focused on other things and ive never talked about my childhood and family in therapy because ive been scared to like im betraying them. But I have a new appointment with a new psychologist coming up for the first time in a few years.

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      • RoseIsabella
        2 years ago

        You're not betraying anyone by going to a therapist, and talking about childhood, and family issues, honey. I don't know what you've had to live through in your life, but these people are occupying rent free space in your head.

        I'm getting a vibe that your boundaries were not respected, and that you had relatively little freedom, and privacy. I could be wrong, it's just my impression.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    Maybe you should wait until the man says he loves you first. Then you just have to say "I love you too" and he's the vulnerable one

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I have but even that was really hard and it felt strange.
      And the guy still feels unloved if I never say it first or say anything else loving so its a problem.

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