Is it normal i am a hovermother is this necessarily a bad thing

Fake

Sounds like you may very well be smothering your kids. My mother was a lot like you, and I didn't turn out well. Sure, It could've turned out much worse especially if I had been raised by alcoholic, drug addicted, abusive, neglectful scumbags.

Don't get me wrong I love both my parents, they're nice decent people and my younger sister and I never lacked for anything. My mom sort of spoiled, sheltered, and dominated me to the point where I felt like she owned me. I was morbidly depressed, a cutter, and made my first suicide attempt one week after my 18th birthday. My mother would always come in and take complete control of my life. My mother would routinely listen to my phone calls, pick the lock on and read my diary, intercept my mail and of course read the notes my friends from school wrote. My mother thought nothing of throwing away all the photos I had of my friends of whom she disapproved. She has orchestrated and added subtracted from my life whatever she saw fit. Sometimes I feel estranged from myself and the world around me which has manifested in feelings of dissociation, depersonalization and derealization. Being made to feel like property has caused me to intentionally self harm and seek to end my life three times in the past 27 years. Because my mother dominated and made all my decisions for me from childhood and young adult hood I rebelled whenever I got the chance even if I knew it wasn't what was best for me, because it was the only time I felt like I belonged to myself. I became quite codependent with friends and acquaintances in my young adulthood, because I wanted people to like me, I've also gone through periods of promiscuity. My mother did such a good job of running my life that I didn't know how to cut ties with inappropriate people and when to end unhealthy friendships, because I was never allowed to learn social life skills for myself. There's much more, but I'm feeling too drained to further delve into those places right now.

I was hospitalized for a bit of a psychotic break after I found out my first ex husband was cheating on me, and it was there that I finally got diagnosed with a serious and heavily stigmatized personality disorder. I'm fairly sure that issues from my family of origin, particularly my mother, as well as some hereditary factors have if not entirely caused, greatly contributed to my development of this disorder. Yet, of course, my mother assumes no responsibility whatsoever for any hurt and damage she's caused me, because she feels she was only protecting me, and that she's always right. No one in my dysfunctional family has ever shown any interest in learning about my disorder much less accepting an responsibility for harms done. I'm the only one in my family who has sought treatment with a therapist over my dysfunctions. I have a wonderful Catholic therapist with whom I've been working for the past over six and a half years, and she tells me I've made some significant progress, thank God!

However to this very day I cannot openly admit to the fact that I quit smoking approximately four years ago, because I know it would make my mother happy and she would gloat about it. Whenever I choose to do something good for myself  of which my mother would approve I have to fight to detach from the deep feeling that I'm betraying myself.

I'm not trying to point the proverbial finger or make any accusations towards you, but please, for the love of God, don't suffocate you children if you want to have healthy relationships with them instead of possibly encouraging decades of adolescent rebellion and disdain.

Good job. You're ruining them for adulthood.

Its not normal to be overbearing but then the way the world is and all.the temptations out there for kids to go astray are scary so yes its good ur a loving caring watchful mom but dont get in there selfies and dont question them every 5 minutes thats too much u will end up pushing ur kids away from u .And bento boxes are a great meal for growing chidren and people in general. Put ur money towards the bento boxes and be active in ur kids school pta etc. But u need to acess ur so called quality time.Your husband will get sick of the lack of attention from u and go get attention else where is that what u want u need to have a dated nite with ur hubby and random sex with him inorder to keep that flame flickering in ur.marriage or one day he will tell u I want a divorce or he will just cheat on u behinde ur back u have to please ur husband and work the kids into that schedule Hope u work this out .

Some distance is required. I really suggest this before you end up with bitter or rebellious children. Sometimes you have to let them make some mistakes. Otherwise they'll never now how to deal with the real world and if something happens to you, they're gonna be a pretty sad bunch.

Parenting must be a hell of a job but you can't run their lives for them.

You are being too overly protective but it is good you ratted out the chi-mo. Personally I think you should have hit both him and the mom over the head with a hammer.

I'm gunna ride your mom like a hover board.

How are your children supposed to learn to make good decisions on their own if you make every decision for them. You are going to lose your children and husband if you keep on continuing raising your children this way. Your children are going to make bad decisions.... deal with it. You are making a bad decision by being an obsessive mom. Geez get a life. Your children won't be able to trust you because you treat them like they are a toddler. Do you spoon feed their meals too?

THANK GOD I HAVE A MOM WHO ALLOWED ME TO GROW UP AND LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT!!!

What if your children do make a bad decision? Are you still going to love them?

Let them go now! Or you will develop a strong case of empty nest. Then your fucked. And also think about your kids! They will be pussies if u don't back off. Then they themselves will fail as a normal adult. Romance etc