Is it normal having no income and depending on a man?

54% Normal
11 Comments

I am a middle aged woman with a man who adores me and I him. However, soon I will run out of savings that currently support me and as I am not a landed immigrant (I'm British), I cannot work. The processing would take too long. So I will go back to the UK to try and get a job, which will be difficult in today's climate and with the age I am.

I believe that if I can't get work and have my own income, it is right and proper that I should leave my man. Dependency on a man for money would literally kill me out of shame and for many other reasons. And I never had his children so why should he pay for me? And I certainly do not want to be an unpaid slave housewife, which is very dangerous when the chips are down anyway as nobody cares about what you have done for love when the chips are down and there is no money! I do not buy the unrealistic notion that love conquers all: it simply doesn't. He doesn't agree with my thoughts.

What do others think?

Voting Results
54% Normal
Based on 50 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • lufa
    10 years ago

    Consider me a bit old-fashioned but if I was with a girl I loved, I'd have no problem taking care of her financially. However nowadays the expectation is for both partners to be doing some kind of work.

    Also I agree, if things turn sour then you essentially become a slave or dead-weight to the other person-if they took that attitude (I personally wouldn't). So you could risk ending up on the street.

    You can always try working under the table-just like the Mexicans do. Think it through carefully. Sometimes even the ones you love and trust can turn against you. Always have a plan B, or you could find yourself in a hell-hole pretty quick.

    Perhaps you should keep some savings set aside for yourself, so in case worse comes to worst, you can leave your situation and find a job or live with family till you do.

    It's never a good idea for a female to allow herself to become dependent on a man-unless you know for sure he'd treat you well no matter what. Also if something happened to him, what would you do? Good luck.

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  • Tyger
    10 years ago

    This is Canada we are talking about! Last year, they literally binned 300,000 applications that dated prior to 2008 and I cannot afford to reapply, nor the risk that they will do it again. I heard that move still left them with just as many to deal with!

    I am legally able to be in Canada on vacation but have to return to the UK once that period has expired, which is what I have done. Work "under the table" is not an option for me as we live 40 miles from the nearest city in an area where most people only use the places for holidays. I have a health condition that has developed in the last few years that prevents me driving and is another reason why applying for immigration now is pointless with public transport only available in the Vancouver area and most employers ask for ability to drive. We can't afford to live there. And with a partner away on shifts half the time, I am totally isolated here (it's lovely by the way!) and rely on him for a weekly shopping trip for supplies. I hate that sort of reliance! I have no family anywhere and have lost touch with any friends. And literally, once my money runs dry, I will have nothing!

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    • MacG
      10 years ago

      Sounds like you need to say all this to him and suggest going somewhere else together. Good luck.

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      • Tyger
        10 years ago

        MacG, thanks for your good wishes. Neither of us want to stay in Canada but sadly, it isn't that simple. Places take years to sell here and work (which he can't afford) needs doing anyway. A second property anywhere (rental or purchase) is just not an option. It really is a trap we are both in between poverty and bureaucracy.

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  • squeallikeasacofpigs
    10 years ago

    I'm slightly confused by the whole visa situation here. You have the right to live in the country but not to work? And it would take too long to apply for the right visa to work there? I'm calling bullshit on that.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    You are sooooo not who you say you are.

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  • pixie_dust
    10 years ago

    I'm in the exact same situation. Although he's getting annoyed I'm not working because money is tight nowadays. I have difficulty bcuz of an old criminal record from my youth when I dated a drug dealer that was caught with a large amount so finding a job is really hard..

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  • cȱɱpɩɛx
    10 years ago

    As long as it's not Nelson Mandela. He's got enough to worry about. And his cat is ill too. What a world this is!

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  • KatieLiz
    10 years ago

    I think it's normal with your generation. Not at all with the upcoming one though.
    My mum is the same, she's ill and can't work do she relies (very reluctantly) on my dad.

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    • Tyger
      10 years ago

      KatieLiz, I find this interesting in two respects.

      Firstly, how does your Mum live with that fate? I mean it would be like a death sentence to me to rely on a man. What if he decided he no longer wanted to be with her and dumped her? Does her unpaid housework count for anything against his money? Can she feel self respect?

      Secondly, how does the upcoming generation see it do you think? (Are you a member of that generation, in which case, I am very interested in your views on the subject).

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    I think you need to do whats right.

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