Is it normal friends who think they understand, are annoying?

71% Normal
20 Comments

Recently I have been having some bad issues with my ex boyfriend. One of my friends asks me what's wrong and let's me know she is always there for me, which is really nice, so I tell her. But she just says the same things over and over, the same when I have had problems with other ex's and people I was seeing.
She constantly repeats 'I understand' and I know how it feels. I don't want to be patronising and tell her she doesn't understand, because she really doesn't. But it's getting on my last nerve.
We are both 20. Her one and only relationship happened when she was 15 and they dated for a year. The furthest she went with him was kissing him. He tried to go further but she never let him. That's the last time she has done anything remotely sexual. Ever. Never done anything more than a kiss with anyone.
I'm an average 20 year old. Have had four relationships since I was 16. Only one was serious eg planning for the future together. Been on many dates and have had about 15 one night stands or so.
Basically, it annoys me when someone who has absolute no experience tells me they understand when they clearly don't. She doesn't understand what it's like to have sex with someone, especially with someone you care deeply about. It bonds two people together like never before. I once exploded and said this to her and she apologised and said I was right. But she constantly judges me on my sex life when she doesn't know the first thing about sex (literally she is clueless, the things she has said to me before is shocking). She genuinely believes sex should only be shared between people who love each other and it's just like it is in the movies, magical and perfection. Bit immature for a 20 year old.
So is it normal it annoys me when a friend insists she understands and knows how I feel when she doesn't? My ex boyfriend gave me a STD, I always already devastated our relationship broke down, never mind catching an STD. And surprisingly she told me she knows how it feels. How does she? Is it normal I'm on my last string and she's really annoying me?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 7 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 20 )
  • kelili
    10 years ago

    Out of the two it seems like you are the most annoying one. It is not because you are no longer a virgin and that you had had 15 one night stand that it proves that you are mature. It only means that you are sexually active.

    And maybe your friend really understand what you feel. You don't have to have sex to understand sadness and/or depression. Don't be bad with her.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      No, she really doesn't know how it feels to get an STD from someone who you put your all in and trusted more than anyone else. That's the annoying thing.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    No, molly bonds people together like never before. Sex is just sex. Those are not the chemical bonds that hold a relationship together, they just make it feel stronger temporarily.

    It sounds like your friend is just using fillers since she doesn't know how to respond due to lack of experience. Either that or she lives vicariously through you. Don't talk to her about relationships and sex if this bothers you so much.

    If you don't want her to judge your sex life, aside from not telling her about it, don't judge her for her lack of a sex life.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      So the secret to an ever lasting, strong relationship is Molly?
      Sex DOES release chemicals helping bond two people together according to common knowledge.
      I think you are kind of right. I'm not judging her sex life so much. It's the fact that she literally laughs in the face of other virgins and proclaims they will never have sex because they are 'too ugly', when no one has asked her to have sex either. I think it's just all very immature and hurtful.

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      • myboyfriendsbitch
        10 years ago

        No no no. Molly only bonds relationships while being affected by the drug. Same as sex. The secret is different for everyone, ranging from a shared traumatic experience to mystery to friendship.

        And tell your friend that the secret to being beautiful is to not think ugly of others.

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  • Paradiddle
    10 years ago

    To be honest, if your friend repeats "I understand" like a robot every 2 seconds then yes, that is annoying. However, you just can't expect anyone you vent to to have experienced exactly what you're saying, that is just unrealistic. You are only talking to your friend so that they can listen to your problems and help you feel better but when you put silly rules like "you haven't experienced what I've done therefore you are invalid" is pretty silly and elitist.

    Your friend isn't immature, she just doesn't want to have sex and just because people don't want to doesn't make them less of a person. In fact, it makes them smart because as you unfortunately experienced, they know what can happen when you casually start having a lot of sex since people like to make mental blocks of the risks. Physical attraction is important but sex so early in life is not mandatory or the smartest choice. Instead of judging your friend, why don't you re-examine the choices you've made in 4 years and the consequences?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thank you. Genuinely think this is the best comment.
      But to be honest, in four years I don't think I'd regret my sexual partners, neither in 60 years. I've had fun, I've had experiences. No regrets. I've simply had my youth before I have to settle with that one person forever as well has holding down a successful career.

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    She doesn't have to have been in the exact same position as you to understand how you feel. She understands because she has empathy even if she doesn't have experience. She's just trying to help you, but you call her immature and annoying and get angry at her just for having good intentions. I agree with kelili, you sound like the annoying one.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Having empathy isn't having previous experience and 'knowing what it feels like', as she says. She clearly doesn't know what it feels like. Having empathy is just being there for someone even when you haven't experienced it yourself. Sympathy is when you have had previous experience.
      I really don't know how I am annoying?

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      • dom180
        10 years ago

        You've got empathy and sympathy the wrong way around, although neither necessitates previous experience.

        If you were my friend and I was trying to be there for you, but when I tried to comfort you I was met with patronisation and anger, I would find that annoying.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          I have never, ever shown anger towards my friends. Never have and never will. If one of my friends do something that does make me slightly angry (I'm not an angry person in general so it takes a lot), I make a polite excuse and then go and deal with the issues myself. I have barely shown anger to anyone in my life, never mind friends. They are the ones who deserve the highest respect and that's what they get from me, always.

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          • dom180
            10 years ago

            I must have interpreted you wrongly then, because the word "exploded" certainly indicates anger to me.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              10 years ago

              I mentally exploded, she pulled my last string and explained the situation to her in the nicest way possible.

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  • DaisySoul
    10 years ago

    No matter how "modern" you think you are, you truthfully will only attract the men looking for not you, but are with you only cause youre "putting out"...Just think how appealing a guy that has a different partner every weekend seems next to one who's interests don't include watering holes and town pumps...Your friend sounds like the total package.

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  • Holzman67
    10 years ago

    Personally when someone goes through a breakup I always provide sympathy and not empathy. Relationships are unique bonds between two people no two situations are the same. I avoid all that "I know how you feel" crap because its so generic and I think the person would be sick of hearing that stuff from everyone. I try and raise their spirits any way I can, get their mind off it. I find that when some people say "I understand I've been through that myself" it sometimes serves to pale your current situation in comparison to theirs and they begin seeking their own pity.

    So yeah, I can understand how it could be annoying.

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  • GuessWho
    10 years ago

    At least she has morals...

    ...which you seem to lack.

    Seriously!? 15 one night stands!!
    You're a total slut!!!

    ...back on topic...
    She may not understand but at least she's trying to be there for you. It's you who's pushing her away.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Slut? It's 2013. Women can have as many sexual partners as they like. So let's not use sexist, offensive terms here.

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      • GuessWho
        10 years ago

        The current year and your dislike of the term doesn't make you any less of a slut.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Keep up your sexist attitude. Trust me, it will help you get far. Disgusting.
          Not just my dislike of the term, many other educated women will agree with me.

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          • GuessWho
            10 years ago

            Yeah. Women educated in harlotry.

            If my attitude pisses off sluts and keeps them away from me, I'd be very grateful.
            I prefer to associate only with decent people that have some self-respect.

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