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My friend keeps telling me he loves shoving items up his anus. At this point it cant be a joke, everyday he informs me of his mischievous ways. He also tells me other things such as his unorthodox fetishes and his love for penis. I found this especially odd as he has a girlfriend.
He's trying to tell you that he's AC/DC. Perhaps he is tacitly asking you to be his secret gay lover.
What a wonderful thing it is to have a friend who shares with you his most precious secrets.
And, yeah, as e51pegasi says, it does sound like he might be hinting in a very unsubtle way.
Come right out and ask him if that's what he has in mind. If you're not interested, make that very clear. If you don't want to hear any more about his kinks, make that very clear. If he persists, walk away.
I listened to your advice and straight up asked him what he had in mind. He told me "its you thats in my mind" whilst licking his lips. He then proceeded to charge me at a speed unimaginable for a man his size. I was shocked. Next thing i knew he was on top of me kissing my lips, i did NOT like this.
Do I contact authorities?
This is quite normal, and if you guys are underage he is just expressing himself. Now, since he might be going through puberty he might want to experiment. Please don't judge him.