Is it normal for women to take advantage of friends?

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This Melanie Martinez scandal is making me question a lot of things.

I can't believe she did abuse her friend, maybe the girl wants to hurt her making that up.

However, is it common for women to sexually abuse others in that manner?

I don't want to rationalise it. It disturbs me very much to imagine a woman taking advantage of another female friend... it's monstrous!

We should lift each other and not hurt each other.

Voting Results

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Based on 18 votes (9 yes)

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Comments ( 41 )

Boojum

6 years ago

Women are people. Some people are fucked up.

None of us know what really happened in the Melanie Martinez incident, but I read an article recently suggesting that there's a largely unacknowledged problem with domestic abuse in lesbian relationships.

This from a well-respected British LGBT organisation:

"Stonewall's research shows that one in four lesbian and bi women have experienced domestic abuse in a relationship. Two thirds of those say the perpetrator was a woman."

Work out the numbers, and that means that around one in six women in lesbian or bi relationships have been abused by a woman.

The CDC in the USA reported in 2010 that more than 40% of lesbians had been subjected to rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner.

There's an interesting Wikipedia article on this topic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_lesbian_relationships

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- [Old Memory]
  
  6 years ago
  
  Apparently lesbians have the higher statistics of domestic violence than any other group, funnily enough...Although it's not that funny.
  
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  - wigz
    
    6 years ago
    
    Sorry, fixing my comment, I posted the wrong link and didn't include any commentary.
    
    So, I've heard this before and I was curious about it so I looked into it and here's what I found. While the statement itself may be true, it's based on problematic data and omits important information.
    
    Data problem:
    
    "The Encyclopedia of Victimology and Crime Prevention states, "For several methodological reasons – nonrandom sampling procedures and self-selection factors, among others – it is not possible to assess the extent of same-sex domestic violence. Studies on abuse between gay male or lesbian partners usually rely on small convenience samples such as lesbian or gay male members of an association"
    
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_same-sex_relationships
    
    Omission problem:
    
    "Men and women both contribute to the prevalence of IPV among sexual minority women. For
    example, the CDC found that 89.5% of bisexual women reported only male perpetrators of intimate
    partner physical violence, rape, and/or stalking and that almost a third of lesbian women who have
    experienced such incidents have had one or more male perpetrators."
    
    So, the statistics are questionable but if you're going to use them anyway, it's disingenuous to omit the "fact" of the staggeringly high number of bisexual and lesbian women who are apparently victims of men.
    
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  - OhIsee
    
    6 years ago
    
    Bullshit
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Thanks for the insightful post.
  It's appalling.
  
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CDmale4fem

6 years ago

You are so right. However, there is a small % of the population that really seems to get a kick out of using,hurting, abusing,and manipulating others they call "friends". After something like that it's pretty easy to see the true colors of some people. Sad thing also some people don't know when to cut ties with assailed like that.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I was in an abusive relationship once. I still love that person as much as they scarred me psychologically and emotionally. I was never raped, even though I was dominated a lot during sex.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    6 years ago
    
    I feel for you.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Thank you so much, lady.
      
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    - insanebotv21
      
      6 years ago
      
      Thought you were talking to yourself for a moment.
      
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  - CDmale4fem
    
    6 years ago
    
    I'm sorry for what you had to deal with. I myself as a male am a past sexual assault victim,while I was in the military. But you have to look at things from a 3rd person perspective,if you were giving someone advice about being in an abusive and toxic relationship. Hopefully you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and realize it's best for your health to avoid those type of relationships. I wish the best for you. The heart may want what it wants,but your mind will guide you to the better direction. That's your female intuition. Be sure to listen to it.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Sorry to hear of your bad experiences and trauma.
      Hope you can heal.
      
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      - CDmale4fem
        
        6 years ago
        
        I actually spent about 25 years in depression and trying to get my head out of the mud. I know how women feel when they say "NO". I haven't been able to hold a job for more than 4-5 years, with exception i was at the post office for about 9 years. I tried to forget the past and I was doing good until a counselor for the VS asked standard questions. There was one asking into had been sexually abused while in military, and I broke down and started crying again. It brought it all back up again after I had forgot it and left it behind me.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        6 years ago
        
        I'm so sorry.
        Have you been in therapy lately?
        
        I've been struggling with anxiety and depression all my life so I guess I can relate.
        
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Thanks for the advice. That person has left me for good and I've been single since.
      
      I had a moment with a friend recently but still don't know if we will do it again.
      
      I'm teaching myself how to be free.
      
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      - CDmale4fem
        
        6 years ago
        
        Can I ask your age ? I'm just curious as far as how long you were mistreated etc. It's so hard to find a person that's not out to just take advantage of whoever they can get their claws in. Looking at the situation, you have to admit you are probably and obviously much better off to be alone for the right reasons instead of with someone for the wrong reasons.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        6 years ago
        
        I'm in my thirties and the abusive relationship started a couple of years ago and lasted a year and a half.
        
        It almost destroyed me. Still can't believe I made it without going insane.
        
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Kevinevan

6 years ago

I'm sorry. I don't take many things seriously but this I do. This rape, harassment, molesting hysteria has gotten way out of hand and it needs to fucking stop.

Think about the people who actually WERE brutally forced in sex acts against their will. Who can never trust another human being, who can never have friendships, who live a life of isolation and can barely function, who can barely pick up their mail, let alone have relationships or sex.

All you fucking people are suffering from mass hysteria brought about by a liberal mob of sadists who don't give a fuck about you.

Knock it the fuck off. You all make me sick.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Well, the fact that I don't believe Timothy says a lot about me. Not jumping on the bandwagon, and I believe it's a false accusation against Melanie.
  But others have been victims.
  
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  - Kevinevan
    
    6 years ago
    
    And what does it say about you that you give legs to stories others may not have heard of, while trying to take the high road at that? You're part of the problem.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      I don't think so.
      
      I genuinely never knew a woman raped orally by another women, let alone a best friend.
      
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      - Kevinevan
        
        6 years ago
        
        You miss my point
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        6 years ago
        
        Please enlighten me then.
        
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RoseIsabella

6 years ago

I think it's shitty for someone to get another person wasted, and then put the moves on them, but selfish people who are looking to take advantage of others when they're vulnerable do it all the time. Honestly, I tend to get really freaked out when some people are too friendly with me. I'd rather hang out with gay men than bi women or straight men for the most part! The older I get the less flirty I am, because I don't want anyone to misunderstand.

However, it's about more than just sexual preference. I generally prefer to shy away from people who have too many objections when they are told no. Anyone who is too pushy and demanding about about little things like where to go out to eat, or what music to listen to should be someone who sets off red flags for a healthy person. The one chick said she had a boyfriend, and the other selfish one should have respected that! I used to smoke weed with a lesbian from work back in the day, and she never got too weird, but I will also say that maybe she was being respectful, because I always had the California chronic back in those days. Her name was Ebony, she was from Watts and a bit of a bad ass, but was always really real aAnd good to me as just a platonic friend. It's about respect; I think its far more important for a person to respect others than to always get their way.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  From what I've been reading, and heard, they were in a relationship.
  The moment you take drugs or drink without having full control of your actions, you're putting yourself at risk of things like that happening.
  
  I've hooked up with people when I was high, I don't regret it, but would probably not do it if I were sober.
  
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[Old Memory]

6 years ago

Yeah but let's not blow this out of proportion. So far it's allegations. We can't just assume the accuser is telling the truth.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I agree with you.
  
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monkeymaniac

6 years ago

Omfg when did this happen?? I was kinda a fan of hers until now.

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- Kevinevan
  
  6 years ago
  
  So all it takes for you, is for someone to say something about someone else, and they are automatically guilty and you dislike them?
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Her friend Timothy Heller wrote on Twitter she was abused by Mel a couple of years ago.
  I hope it's not true.
  
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  - monkeymaniac
    
    6 years ago
    
    yeah lets hope this isnt true
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Do you know any girls who were abused by other girls? It saddens me so much. We should love each other.
      
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      - CDmale4fem
        
        6 years ago
        
        It's really sad that so many jack as s people get so much pleasure out of someone else's so much pain. If you are still ready to love each other,I'm ready too. I'm a bit older but,I am not to bad of shape for 57. I kept in shape working as a mover the last almost 9 years, but I have been unable to work since my vision loss issues(the last 2 years).
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        6 years ago
        
        I meant women should love each other and be sisters.
        
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      - monkeymaniac
        
        6 years ago
        
        im not too sure, most of the girls i know of havent had anything similar happen to them.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        6 years ago
        
        Same with me.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal for women to take advantage of friends?