Is it normal for this encounter with a suicidal person to play on my mind?
I was in A&E today, as I sprained my foot and thought it was broken. As it's a bank holiday, it was full and I was waiting for a good five hours. I went outside for a cigarette, and I got talking to a guy who was outside looking to bum a smoke. He asked me why I was in and I explained, and I asked him the same question. He told me that he'd taken his second overdose. I asked him if it was off drugs or medication (ie if it was accidental or if he'd intended to commit suicide) and he indicated the latter. I asked him a little more about it, gave him a cigarette, and told him that I hoped his problems would resolve themselves, before going back inside (I'd been waiting forever, and didn't want to miss my name being called).
The thing was, this guy wasn't your average suicidal middle class kid that you see posting on the internet all the time for attention, or uploading negative facebook statuses all the time. He was clearly poor, had lots of tattooes, your average Jeremy Kyle fan/chav from appearance. He was disorientated, confused, and nauseous. I got to thinking about the problems he might have had to make him suicidal - again, not middle-class existential despair, but serious economic hopelessness. Drugs, unemployment... just the sheer hopelessness that you could see in his face.
My friend took an (illegal) drugs overdose two summers ago and died. He'd told me that he was suicidal, but I think he'd taken the overdose just not caring whether he lived or died. Like this guy, he wasn't the sort of guy you'd picture when you thought of someone suicidal - although he was from a wealthier economic background, he also had tattooes, was a huge guy, a bit of an east end gangster. I feel like I could have helped this stranger by talking to him about my experience with my friend, my insights into why he killed himself, and my insights into the reality of death and the effect of suicide on those close to you. I often think that my friend would have strongly regretted what he'd done when he realised that he was actually going to die...the way I guess this guy probably did, as he was at A&E (although he was there with his mum, so maybe she found him).
I feel like I could have helped him, but I didn't. I wish I could have talked to him for longer.