Is it normal for someone to hold something against you from your teen years?

27% Normal

Here is the situation. I was 13. We moved three states North and my Dad left to do military service. My Mom brought along a female co-worker, a woman who is clinically Bipolar, one who I'd just met, to live with us as she needed a place to stay. Fair enough.

Well I was a stupid teen, heartbroken about my Dad's leave and at some point, having to deal with my Mom cheating on him. I'm no angel but hell, I was 13! This woman, who was 21-22 at the time, stuck her nose in every family issue and argument we had, shit talked me every chance she got and was a total bitch to my sister and I. She took my stuff to punish me when she got angry as if she was my interim parent while Dad was gone.

I'm 21 now and she still holds my behavior against me. What the fuck? I was 13, and you moved into my house and thought that gave you the right to be my surrogate Mommy! And I was 13! I am very respectful of her and have a great relationship with my Mother, I'm moved out and on my own and it's been at least 7 years since she moved out! Is this normal and valid?

Voting Results

27% Normal

Based on 140 votes (38 yes)

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Comments ( 21 )

RoseIsabella

11 years ago | pl

If anyone should be holding a grudge it's you.

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ProseAthlete

11 years ago

Damn it, I meant to click "no." No, it is not normal for this woman to treat you this way. I'm sorry this woman ever found her way into your life, and I hope you get a chance to distance yourself from her completely and permanently. She sounds like a toxic person to have in your life.

I get that she's bipolar, but that isn't your cross to bear. Shut her out of your life; you don't need to carry her emotional baggage.

For what it's worth, you sound incredibly mature, compassionate and together. However awful that woman was, you clearly didn't let her stop you from turning out great. No wonder you and your mom have a good relationship; she's undoubtedly very proud of you. :)

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- Gravy
  
  11 years ago
  
  I am writing 'thumbs up'. Quicker and easier than the bullshit lucky dip result of the IIN 'thumbs up' using a mobile phone.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  The reason I'm even thinking about this is because she is on my Facebook and I am trying to get into the military and I need a non-relative witness to vouch that I lived at that residence and thought she'd be the perfect candidate but she didn't cooperate so I had to find someone else. No biggie but sheesh, what a bitch.
  
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  - Gravy
    
    11 years ago
    
    yes she is that. Move on, wipe her dust from your feet, good luck in the military and don't take prisoners. I mean, just cut loose baggage even if it's family.
    
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Terence_the_viking

11 years ago

Tell that fucker to get a life.

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[Old Memory]

11 years ago

Some with Bi polar can be self entitled because they tend to be living in their own little world.

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wigsplitz

11 years ago

Did your mom maybe give this woman rights and responsibilities regarding your care? Was there something romantic going on between your mom and this woman? Did you in any way cause her to lose her place to stay? (I know you were a child and not responsible but to HER you might seem responsible)

It's not right that she'd hold a grudge against a child merely for misbehavior but it really sounds like there's more to this story.

I guess what I'm saying is, she probably suffered a financial, legal or romantic loss and is (unjustly) attributing that to you. Simple child misbehavior alone wouldn't/shouldn't cause a 7 year grudge.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  My Mom might have given her rights but that is it. That's quite literally it. I told my Dad about Mom's affair and he royally fucked Mom over so Mom had tp ask her to contribute rent in order to stay (she had a job) and Mom was accused of choosing her boyfriend over her and this women went and found her own place as she did not want to pay rent to my Mom. This woman had romantic feelings towards my Mom, but my Mom did not reciprocate.
  
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  - wigsplitz
    
    11 years ago
    
    OK well there you go. Exactly what I said...there was financial and emotional involvement/loss on her part and you are an easy target to blame. There's probably a lot more to this than you know or admit about. There's quite obviously a lot more to this story than what you wrote. It's painfully obvious, even. Not even a severely intellectually challenged adult would hold a grudge against a 13 yr old kid for 7 yrs if there was NOTHING else at stake besides a little bit of normal teenaged misconduct that pissed her off. SOMETHING pissed her off personally, and that would likely be related to love or money.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      Unless I remember it differently, that's quite literally all. I told my Dad that my Mom cheated on him and as a result, she lost his support making it necessary for this woman to either pay rent (she did work) or move out so we could get a smaller place. It seems illogical to me, as I can't believe that she would expect to get a free ride forever. That's really all I can think of. I've been mulling over it for a while and that's the only conclusion that seems anywhere near accurate but it still makes little sense to me.
      
      It's possible maybe she feels I fucked my Mom over and that's why she's pissed...? Does that sound right? I'm really grasping at straws here.
      
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      - wigsplitz
        
        11 years ago
        
        Well yeah, that's what people do. They don't like to be reasonable, they'd rather blame someone regardless of how far off it is. She blames you for getting her booted, and probably blames you for every bad thing that happened to her for years after leaving your place.
        
        For your own sake, know it isn't "right" what she's doing, nor is it logical. That's just how people are. You did nothing wrong. Don't stress it. She's just stupid.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        11 years ago
        
        Urghh... the thing is, she actually met with a lot of fortune once she left, she was offered a great job and a luxury suite to live in at a hotel that the president of the US routinely visits... she turned it down to move back home. Maybe there's a part of the story even I am missing but from my knowledge, she's kinda loopy.
        
        You're right though. I wish there was some explanation I could understand but it's done. I got another reference anyway. It's just frustrating that I had to. Jeez.
        
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sk8ergirl1205

10 years ago

She is a fucked up bitch just ignore her.

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iEatZombies_

11 years ago

The real question is "IIN that I'm respectful to a total bitch?"- because she surely deserves none. It'll make you feel better if you tell her to fuck off and rid her of your life. She's your mom's 'friend' not yours.

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ThatChick28

11 years ago

Sounds like a bitch

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RougeTheBat

11 years ago

She just needs a hobby.

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Is it normal for someone to hold something against you from your teen years?