Is it normal for my boyfriend to get extremely jealous

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21 Comments

My boyfriend can get extremely jealous... a lot and though I can find it adorable it can sometimes worry me.
We have been dating for almost a year now and ever since the beginning he would get jealous at the smallest of things. As an example, I have a best friend who is extremely touchy, my bbf will lean on me and sometimes even cuddle with me and I am fine with it because we are so alike that we could never be anything more than friends cause we both would get so awkward that we would just break up then do our normal thing.. But if my boyfriend were to catch my best friend leaning on my shoulder, my boyfriend would get extremely jealous and just stop talking unless I pry him to tell me what's wrong... and if I continue to do my own thing without trying to pry him to tell me what's wrong, He will try to get my attention... He does this so often over small things that it can both worry me and it can also annoy me... Is this Normal?

//Edit/Update: Some of you people have brought me to realize, This may not be normal.. I have broken up with him. But he is my first.

Voting Results
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Based on 15 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • CDmale4fem
    6 years ago

    I meant to say also, Jealousy is like a bad cancer that will cause very serious bodily harm and could even lead to a death. You CAN'T love someone so much to let them steal your heart, soul, and your parents daughter from their world. Please be smart, think smart and NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO PUT YOU THRU A LIFE OF HELL.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I'm also sorry, not to be rude or anything... But please don't specifically use cancer to describe bad things that aren't the illness it's self... At least say something like a "Bad illness". I have friends who have cancer and family who have died from cancer... so from experience, I know it can be a sensitive and triggering subject...

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      • CDmale4fem
        6 years ago

        I apologize for using the first thing that came to mind. I as well have friends and family who have died from that as well. How about if I say that it sounds like you and him are like oil and water. You can flip a coin to see who gets which one. Seriously though, some day if he really just flips out and instead of a metal box you mentioned, he aims for or comes right at you. Is the pleasure of his pain worth a chance he may just go ballistic for no good reason ? But hey, your life, your choices. I'm just speaking out as a guy that tries to be nothing but honest to others. I hate trying to lie to people, then you have to remember what was told to who. I like to think of myself as a decent person, I'm not a thief, I try to treat others the way I would hope they treat me in return. (Aside from the crossdressing since so many in society would rather we we're on another planet or somewhere where the "moral majority" won't be (OMG) Offended that people exist on this earth that (again OMG) do not feel or think the same about things in life and society that the moral majority thinks we all should). Just pay attention to see if his anger fits seem to increase in temper, rage, or his whining.

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  • CDmale4fem
    6 years ago

    For guys like that, to be honest -RUN AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND GET ANYWHERE HE IS NOT. You are setting yourself up to be on the shifty end of an abusive relationship. He will apologize every time he feels he needs to before you leave him. He will then turn around and do the same thing again, and again, and again. He will get to a point when he feels you are "stepping out of line" it WILL get to a point where he will get physical and try to "obey" him with fear if a fat lip a black eye or slamming you around somewhere when he thinks no one is around to see it. You didn't say your ages, but it seems so many people seem to feel a sense of entitlement to treat others however they want. I would really suggest GETTING THE HELL AWAY FROM GUYS LIKE THAT. IF THE SIGNS ARE OBVIOUSLY THERE, SAVE YOURSELF AND GET AWAY. I AM VERY SERIOUS.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I do feel like if the relationship does end he will be persistent and a problem... And he does have anger issues and he has hit something because he was jealous of my own art.. Because I drew better than him... But.. I still don't know cause I am kinda a big masochist... which means I gain pleasure from pain... So I don't know...
      I had to ask here because I don't know what to do.. It is my first true relationship and I have my doubts about him after this long. I would of kinda left him after the incident of him getting pissed and punching a metal box because it kinda scared me... But on the other hand, I have my masochism and I want him to show extreme dominance.. it's just confusing and slightly scary because some of my family have been victims of abuse by their boyfriends... and I feel I would be too soft to break up with him...

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      • Tealights
        6 years ago

        Ah I see...

        You're confusing his insecurity for dominance. Nope. He's just insecure. The thing about abusive men, they're terrified about being alone, so instead of conquering their own demons, they rather make someone stay through force or manipulation. Join some BDSM sites, and talk to the community about how to start the kind of relationship you want that doesn't include a partner that scares you.

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  • Notfromhere
    6 years ago

    research "narcissists"

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    • RoseIsabella
      6 years ago

      Excellent suggestion. I'm pretty sure that my ex who was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, and on the cusp on becoming physically abusive is probably a narcissist.

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  • Justmehere
    6 years ago

    Some jealousy is normal. What got me was when you added the "and cuddle" about the best guy friend. That, to me, would be a question. Leaning in on your shoulder? Fine. My former business associate, a very beautiful, fun, flirty woman who I got along great with and was my "work wife" would do that..Lean in, laugh, etc. But, if your best guy friend is cuddling with you? I can see your bf asking why..Think I would, to be honest. There are limits to being only friends.

    Try to ease up on the touchy-feely stuff with the guy friend. Not saying disassociate yourself from him, but, if you want to keep your bf and relationship to grow..Gotta hold up on the appearance of affection for another guy.

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    • RoseIsabella
      6 years ago

      Good point, I actually agree with what you're saying.

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      • Justmehere
        6 years ago

        Thanks. I have many female friends, some of whom are a bit touchy-feely and not exactly unattractive, giving the impression that there's more going on than there is. My ex-wife, and, women I've dated after that, have all inquired as to some of these friends, especially the business associate/work wife. We did have a great connection, and, from spending so much time together, our own side jokes and things, but sometimes I'd tell her..The lean-ins are great between us, but, the head on my shoulder and sexual jokes when people are around have to not happen.

        Even my older sister, always inquisitive and protective, asked me several times "Is there something..More..Going on between you two? She hangs on you a lot". At that time, too, I was involved with someone, relationship-wise, so the look of work wife hanging on me gave the wrong impression.

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  • MR.mr
    6 years ago

    is your bff a guy or a girl?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      A male.

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      • MR.mr
        6 years ago

        Yah, I'm on his side then, I would not be comfortable with that either.

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  • Tealights
    6 years ago

    Yeah.... I see where CDmale4fem is coming from, but I too also felt weird after reading the cancer thing since I too have family have who died from it.

    Normally, in other threads and forums, I describe jealousy as a cold. We all get a cold every now and then (no one is immune), some get it more than others; however, it's our personal responsibility to not spread the cold, nurse the sickness, and find a way to feel better. Yet the wrong way, will make everyone around sick, and getting sick from the same cold over and over or never healing from it. It's the same as jealousy. It's an emotion we all feel at some point, whether we want to or not, but it'll eventually pass if we handle it the right way.

    In your case, your boyfriend is letting his jealousy fester and make everyone one sick, especially you. He's using his jealousy to selfishly control your actions in a manner like how a spoiled child would throw a tantrum when his younger sibling touches toys he himself hardly plays with or does something better than he can. Despite all the nice things your boyfriend has done in the past and present, the truth is he's selfish and controlling, the longer you stay with him, the worst this behavior is going to get.

    If you're not ready to leave, or feel I was too harsh on your boyfriend (which I can understand, because I've been there) understand that bad relationships can be like a two-way mirror, you can't see what others notice; so my suggestion is to keep a diary/journal. This method helped me a lot when I was blind to my ex's manipulation, and felt like a terrible girlfriend every time he got upset; I wrote it down to remember and wrote down the good things he does. Believe me, after months of writing, you'll see it clearly when you reread it. Good luck.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    6 years ago

    He's got jealousy and anger issues and has already been engaging in threatening behavior because he was jealous you were *better* at something than he is?

    Run. Get the hell out. This is not going to end well for you, you deserve so much better than this scumbag.

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  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    Not normal at all. You can lean on whatever friend you want. You need to set him straight and tell him to get over it.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    BEWARE!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Aw Jeez..

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      • RoseIsabella
        6 years ago

        Extremely jealous people can be dangerous.

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  • CDmale4fem
    6 years ago

    No it's not normal, and FYI - HE actually sounds like a spoiled little bitch mommas boy.

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