Is it normal for kids to stop talking to mom after divorce?

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8 Comments

My friend is going through a divorce. She has 4 kids and has always had a good relationship with them, but her kids blame her for the divorce because she was having an affair. They are taking their dad's side and wont talk to her (except for one) even though she never abused them and its between husband and wife. Truth is her husband treated her terribly and verbally abused her and made her feel worthless for years. He called her a fat worthless cow and said she was stupid and has no brain. She met someone who treated her well so she decided to be with him.
Im not saying cheating was right but do you think the kids are wrong for shutting out their mom because they blame her for the divorce? She is extremely hurt by this only one son is talking to her.

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 15 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    Damn, I accidentally voted "yes". I could be wrong in my belief, but considering the fact that the husband was abusing her, I wouldn't put it past him that he has possibly brainwashed his children into believing that everything is her fault. Abusers tend to be masters at manipulating others. The fault mainly falls on him. If he hadn't been abusive towards her, she probably wouldn't have cheated on someone who probably appreciated her. Your sister or you should contact a therapist who specialises in abuse cases. Ask the doctor what should be done in a situation like this.

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    • shuggy-chan
      9 years ago

      Whether it's right or not it doesn't matter, in the context of is it normal. I believe it is very normal for kids to react that way, fairly or not. To "take a side" or to blame a parent for the family breaking up.

      From my personal experience i can say i did blame my mom for my own situation after she decided to leave. And i was left with an extremely heartbroken and moody/emotional father that i lived and worked with at the time.

      It was traumatic to see my dad, my hero, breaking down and sobbing uncontrollable while at work, home, driving. It was a dark and suffocating time in my life and i was 20 y/o.

      So i believe it is common for children to lash out at a parent at such a world-shattering moment in their life

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      • Avant-Garde
        9 years ago

        I'm sorry that you had to go through that. While not exactly the same, I went through something similar when my father died.

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  • pizzabrowniesushi
    7 years ago

    They are probably more confused than mad..Eventually they will see both sides and go from there.Divorce sucks for kids because we like everything to be the same everyday and everyone to be happy.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    9 years ago

    Caught my Mom cheating on my Dad. At the time, I was 13, and she was the only one who was with us at the time. Around the time her affair started, the home just kind of... fell apart. My sister (7 at the time) and I rarely had food in the house to eat, often had to steal money from my Mom to get school lunches for my sister and I and we were being bullied by my Mom and room-mate (21 year old) and I blamed my Mom (at the time).

    In the situation, as a kid and seeing the only obvious wrong being committed by my Mom, it was easy to blame her. I wasn't going to accept that her cheating was justified. She could have just divorced him and not put our family through that. The entire time, she insisted that it was all "between your father and I" where her affair had a direct impact on our lives.

    So, yes, there is a point. The most insulting mentality that you can have toward them is that this is just between "my husband and I". No, your divorce is having a direct impact on their lives and not only were you the cause for the divorce on much more painful terms for everyone involved than they needed to be, but you are acting like they have no right to be angry simply because you didn't "abuse" them.

    Bet that your kids are unhappy with you due to the obvious moral violation (two wrongs don't make a right) and your mentality that it's between only you and your husband. You broke up your family and you did it the dirty way and you can't even acknowledge that your actions have hurt them. You're acting like their feelings don't matter even though their lives are seriously being impacted. You're never going to come close to having good relations with your kids again until you understand that what you do impacts them, whether or not you want to believe it.

    Or your friend. Whatever.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    You all have valid points.

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  • gashlover
    9 years ago

    she did hurt her kids by having an affair but his actions are bad too.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    If my mom had cheated on my dad I would have been the same way. I generally don't respect cheaters regardless of the back story.

    Then again, I've never been in an abusive relationship and I don't plan on ever being in one. Neither my mother nor my father was ever abusive to the other, so what do I know.

    Abuse is terrible thing, but it's not an excuse for cheating. I think your friend would've fared much better with her children had she left instead of cheating.

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