Is it normal for him to not want to confront me?

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6 Comments

My boyfriend can irritate me sometimes when he doesn't confront me about something he doesn't like of me. It irritates me because it makes me feel like hes not into me to even care to confront me. I look at it as, if you really want something to work out, then youll do something about it. I care about us and being together in the long-run so I do confront him about things that he does or say that bother me. But for him, he's mentioned how he doesn't like to or want to tell me what to do because if so and so makes me happy then he doesn't want to get in the way of it. I.E, if some guy was flirting w me and I was just talking to him, my bf wouldn't tell me to stop or feel jealous, he'll just let it be. idk if its just his personality to not want to tell others what to do or hes really not that into me that he doesn't care to confront me since he doesn't see himself w me in the long-run. I wouldn't see it as controlling, I would see it as he cares about us to want to make it work, not just let anything happen or else how are we ever gonna go anywhere? He has brought up some things he doesn't like of me but he doesn't do anything about it. Like whether i do or don't do anything about it, it won't matter to him he makes it seems. He's like "if that what makes you happy or if thats what u wanna do then okay I don't wanna stop you. I see it as if she does that, then wen I do it, I won't feel guilty." I almost feel like hes playing w me and its some type of stupid strategy of his. But that's my perspective and feelings. So is it possible for him to be into me or in general a guy to be into his girl, but lack confronting her about the things that bother him?

P.S he doesn't really know how to express emotions so maybe thats a part of it? Idk.

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80% Normal
Based on 5 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • VinnyB
    9 years ago

    Everyday I read a couple of these posts with girls just spewing nonsense, and it just makes me so happy to be gay.

    You are mad at your boyfriend because he trusts you completely and has no jealousy issues? Rather than be happy about this, you have found a way to spin it in your silly little head as a bad thing. Wow.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Lol thats funny. No but he has brought up things he doesn't like of me but he doesn't tell me to stop or improve. Its like hes whatever and doesn't care. They say a little jealousy is okay cause it shows you care and I guess thats the case here. Not even jealousy, but at least some type of reaction that shows he has feelings. IF I walk away, he'll be like "okay I guess if thats what u wanna do..." like is that just his personality or hes not into me enough to even bother...

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      • VinnyB
        9 years ago

        Yep everything you are saying sounds really positive to me. He is acting like an adult. No trust issues, no jealousy, gives you your space, treats you like an individual. He has an issue, he tells you. But he leaves it up to you do decide what you want to do with that information, rather than scold you like a child. Sounds like a super great guy to me.

        You are playing a children's game. Looking for and wanting a reaction out of him, to make you feel that your important to him, to boost your ego. Jealousy brings out terrible emotions and feelings in people. You want him to feel bad about something, so you can feel good about yourself, and you see that as him having the emotional problem?

        I am sure you don't see anything that I am saying here and are sure that I just don't know what I am talking about, and that fine.

        PS.
        Jealousy is the result of a lack of trust. Trust is what shows you care, not jealousy. Who ever said a little jealousy is a good thing is a moron.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          I know what you're saying and I agree with you. Its a turn on how he's confident enough to not bother about scolding me or confronting me about his issues with me. But what I want to know is if it makes a difference on how he feels about me. I get where he and you are coming from because I was like that but until I met him. Once I got w him, I care so much that I confront him bout things that bother me cause I want us to work out. So when I see him, I would think he would also naturally change his ways because he also cares about me. But I get everyone has their own way of showing love, too. Its just a lot to adapt to even tho I have accepted his ways for over a yr now. I just want to tell him how I feel and if he shows sympathy then I'll feel fine even if he still wnt change. But if he shows this "so what" attitude of his, then I think I'm done.

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  • Lariii
    9 years ago

    My boyfriend is the same, and I always tell him that he should not worry about criticising me, and it wasn't until a very open conversation when I asked him if there was anything I did that bothered him, that he finally let me know a couple of minor things.

    What I think, it seems like your boyfriend is quite passive, he doesn't like confrontation, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It might be annoying that he won't confront you, but that's just his personality, not a reflection of whether he cares about you or not.

    Theoretically, him criticising could lead to an argument, and that's probably the last thing he wants.

    Also, my boyfriend is quite slow to change, and he just kind of accepts people as they are, whereas I'm in the belief that you should want to change yourself for the better, so maybe he thinks that he shouldn't change you?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yes exactly. He is what you described; he doesn't like to argue or confrontations but I try letting him know that its okay to talk and it's not like I'm gonna blow up. He also just accepts people as they are including me. He hasn't told me he wishes I was more of this or that but I can tell he does but he prefers to not bother and accept me for who I am which is great. But it's almost like if I tell him I'm gonna leave him, he won't bother asking why or anything making me feel like he doesn't care. He's so emotionless and he knows that of himself and I think he realizes that I have accepted that flaw of his. I don't think his ex couldn't handle it anymore according to him. It is irritating and its coming down to if I'm gonna be willing to deal w it or I need to find someone who gives me what I want but he does make me happy overall which is why Ive accepted his ways. I think all I want now is for him to sympathize with me and thatll make me feel better.

      You know when a guy says "she changed me and changed how I act"...sometimes I just wish that girl was me but I guess I'm not and I'm not the one. Some other special girl will naturally change his ways cause he's gonna be so in love w her that hes gonna want to change for her. Thats how I see it.

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