Is it normal for guys to never love again after their first heartbreak?

66% Normal

I think my bf is scared of getting hurt again and just isn't a fan of dealing with relationship stuff because its too stressful. All of this holding back has obviously hurt me but he doesn't see that. He's always been distant but finally, he's been putting more effort and care. I think he's finally able to trust me and trust that I'm not gonna hurt him cause I'm not and I know I show him. But unfortunately, he still does things that say hes still not sure about. Im just scared that he's not willing to love again so that leaves me hanging. I have a feeling he does love me and want to make it work but he's scared. Every time we get in an argument, he either gets really irritated and just avoids the confrontation or literally tears up. He has teared up a little before so it just makes me think wow he really does hold back a lot and sometimes it just comes out. So what do I do? Is it normal for a guy to just say bye to love after getting hurt? Ive learned that guys take their heartbreaks seriously and because they're "men" they can't afford to be taken advantage of and heartbroken again. I think my bf is one of those guys.

Voting Results

66% Normal

Based on 32 votes (21 yes)

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Comments ( 19 )

Ellenna

8 years ago

He's manipulating you with his sad sad story of not being over being hurt 10 years ago. He doesn't want the hard work of a real relationship, only the easy non-stressful stuff.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  The last sentence is true, idk about the first one though. I dont think he is manipulating me. I think his intentions are pure. If I told him I'm over it and ready to break up, he would probably agree or fight for me, not somehow manipulate me back into the relationship.
  
  But its true. He does not want the bad stuff, the hard work, the stress of a relationship. He just likes it when everything is fun and happy so it just leads me to question am I worth the stress for him? He said I am worth it but he doesn't deserve me.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    8 years ago
    
    If he thinks relationships have no difficulties and are always fun and happy he's living in an immature dreamworld and it's time he grew up
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      No he knows relationships involve a lot of difficulties which is why he hesitates to fully commit to one, which is why he is scared cause when things go wrong it sucks, it his words. I guess its too painful for him to deal with especially if he really likes the person. He mentioned the last time he really liked someone hurt him so now hes being more careful so I'm assuming he feels strongly about me that thats why he's kind of not getting too carried away. I can sort of relate because he's my first love and after all these ups and downs, if we don't make it, I know the next time I feel almost the same way about someone else, I'm prob gonna do the same thing he's dong; I'm gonna hold back cause its way too stressful and hurts too much.
      
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RoseIsabella

8 years ago

Maybe he has some other issues of which he hasn't made you aware yet? Was there any domestic abuse in that other relationship? Did she cheat on him repeatedly? Was she a gold digger? Does he have any mental health problems or perhaps a personality disorder? I can't tell you much, because I need more details.

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penisdump

8 years ago

Was he single for a long time before your relationship with him?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Actually no. The funny thing is this person who hurt him was before the two gfs before me. so two exes ago? But yeah it was a while ago and he mentioned his ex gfs had the same problem I'm having with him which is him holding back and all.
  
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  - penisdump
    
    8 years ago
    
    Oh, right... That is funny/strange. Hey, it might be a silly question, but in a practical sense, what actually do you want him to do? Is it that you want him to talk about stuff more? Or you don't feel intimate enough?
    I guess you've explained it already though, if it's just like lots of little things or a general "sense". I just don't fully get it
    
    I think normal to be a bit guarded and not to fall in love so easily after heartbreak. But you can still be emotionally intimate I think...just a bit more careful. yeh... I don't know.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      I want him to trust me which will make him be more emotionally intimate I would think. Sometimes, he has the chance to be "romantic" or sweet but he holds back cause he's scared I'm gonna take advantage of it and hurt him you know, not appreciate it. So now he's all like no girls don't appreciate it when guys do something nice for them so screw that. But he doesn't get I'm not like that with him because apparently he has no idea how crazy I am about him.
      
      It's okay to not be open after a heartbreak but its been a really long time now and Ive been a really good gf to him so I dont know what is taking him so long to open up and trust me.
      
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ikky

8 years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwpMEbgC7DA

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Fall_leaves

8 years ago

If he's not over his ex he won't be ready to be in a relationship with you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I don't think its about him being over his ex, its about trying to love again. Plus this was 10 yrs ago. He's afraid of letting go again cause the last time he did that it bit him in the ass so he's scared imma do the same which I'm not. So don't know how make him trust me. He even admitted I am good to him so what else does he need to feel comfortable with me?
  
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NeuroNeptunian

8 years ago

Once bitten twice shy. It's normal but hopefully he gets it together. I have been in my fair share of relationships that have ended badly in all sorts of ways but there's a point when he's got to realize that if he's not going to trust you with his heart then he's wasting your time.

Unless his ex was a wife who took his kid or some tragic shit like that, the whole "been heartbroken before" excuse can only carry on for so long.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  In the beginning he did say to not date him because he just wasn't going to be a good bf to me. But he still chased me he was still contacting me. So all of that lead to some major struggles about being fully committed or not. He wanted me but not a full relarionship where he has to deal with the bad stuff cause apparently that brings back the stress he doesn't want. But finally, it looked like he was on the same page and willing to work things out. But I guess it caught up again where he holds back when he sees something bad going on cause he doesn't want to risk stress or a heartbreak.
  
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Steve_2

8 years ago

Why do common swindlers like your boyfriend devote such inordinate amounts of time towards something as trivial and stupid as love? It's a legitimate question. Do the common people have nothing better to do, or does it stem from primitive biological urges which most people are too stupid to ignore?

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- mysistersshadow
  
  8 years ago
  
  We are all stupid Steve I thought you already knew that?
  
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mysistersshadow

8 years ago

A very sad story but it sounds like you might have it all figured out which I guess do to how it sounds is also sad. I am terrible at relationships so you shouldn't listen to anything I have to say but it sounds like your doing all you can I would just try to be there and be supportive but in the end if he can't get over his block there isn't much you can do.

If I can ask how old are you 2?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I'm in my twenties he's in his late twenties.
  
  Yeah i mean at first I thought he was holding hack because he wasn't that into me but then very gradually he showed he was. There were just moments or signs that showed he was afraid of being vulnerable with me. There's nothing else I can do to assure him I won't hurt him. He's also not into fighting I mean who is but he's not even into communicating our problems cause he just doesn't like the stress. Hes somewhat protecting himself so if I were to tell him let's break up hell be like okay cause he doesn't want to look like he's hurt or go any further to the point of really getting hurt.
  
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  - mysistersshadow
    
    8 years ago
    
    Such a hard situation I have no idea how you can get him to open up there are maybe some things you can try but since I don't know him I could tell you something that just makes it worse its so hard to know how guys will react to some things. Like you could set up a situation or watch a movie or some thing where a guy shows his vulnerability and then you express how good it is that he did it and show how much it helped. Then he could see maybe what he should aspire to or maybe just feel like he can't live up to that and go further in his shell. So... I'm sorry I just have no idea.
    
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal for guys to never love again after their first heartbreak?