Is it normal for guys to lack the effort to break up with their partner?

77% Normal
18 Comments

Is it normal for a guy to take a while or not be willing to stand up and be the one to call it off? I've noticed this recently especially with my partner. Is it because of the whole player's mindset? Like as long as they have their side chicks they are good to go and thats why they don't bother to say something and stop it with them? Or is it just because they are shy and lack communication skills and don't know how to end it? I am leaning more towards the first one. It sucks but yeah sometimes the guy might lag it to say its over because he wants to still have his chick "just in case." Not saying this is probably what my partner is doing to me, per se, but sometimes I feel like he wants to move on but doesn't say anything just so he can keep me around when he wants to have me like when he feels lonely or something. Other times I think I am over-thinking because knowing him why would he do that to me? or I am just applying the typical to us when we are no where near that. But you never know. He is the type to stop doing something he doesn't want to do anymore yet he lacks communication skills. So I get confused. Why is it that more guys lack the effort to end it?

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 22 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    If you feel that way it's most likely true. You sound like his side chick. Have you ever actually dated him or has he given you any reason to assume your relationship is more?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yes. We go out and hang out most of the time watching movies. If anyone initiates sex its usually me lol (I gotta stop that btw) and sometimes he's not in the mood and just wants to chill and watch tv. He hasn't been with any other girls, if anything he'll flirt with them a little but that's it. Girls in general are not a part of his priority list which is why I don't worry about him and loyalty. He can care less about getting laid or whatever, he's not your typical guy. His family knows about me and asks about me. Recently he has made it clearer than before that we are "together" its just taking him time I guess to fully commit to the relationship because of other factors. We have had our ups and downs and recently we had a huge conversation via text letting out everything and straight up asked if he wants nothing to do with me then say it and were good no hard feelings. He didn't say yes or no but instead he said "idk where you get these crazy ideas from" and that he has never had a "whatever relationship" meaning what we have is more serious than how I thought he looked at it. So we continued but there's always that thought in the back of my head when he's not being a good boy that maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore but he doesn't want to say it because when he gets lonely, he'll always have me. And I think he knows how crazy I am about him or else i would've left a long time ago. But like I said above, I can also be over-thinking as a girl and not being satisfied with what I have.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        Some of this sounds like me in my last relationship so I can explain why I was that way.

        I was with a girl for 4 years who I got along with as well as I can get along with anybody. When I met her I didn't want a relationship and like you said about your bf, girls weren't much priority.

        However we ended up living together and I just went with it. I didn't necessarily want to break up, but I did feel my personal space was invaded. She initiated the breakup because I wanted to live in my own place and if she didn't breakup with me, I probably never would have dumped her. I did really like her but I need a lot of space and don't get along with people when I am around them a lot.

        As of now I'm not sure if I would ever do that again. It was a lot of effort for me and I don't like investing so much into emotional things.

        I never cheated on her and was always honest, sometimes too honest with her, but I don't really understand how relationships are even supposed to work.

        So I didn't want to end the relationship because I was content with it except for living together but I feel very emotionally distant from anyone.

        Your boyfriend may or may not have similar reasons.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          Yeah lol this sounds exactly like him. When you say you don't like investing so much into emotional things, that sounds exactly like him. He rather not put himself in a situation like that so as a guy, its easier for him to just skip it and move on without thinking about it twice. It's hard dealing with that, though. In every argument we have had, he mentions at the end,"I'm fine with how things are" or "I think everything is all good" and I'm over here like well I'm not fine. He's content with it like you said you were but it doesn't seem that way. He also likes his space and so do I which is where I understand if he doesn't include me in things. But when you really like someone, you can't help but want to spend every minute with them. The way i see it is I like him so much that as long as he is not hurting me on purpose, which he apologized for recently because he doesn't mean to, then I'm okay with it and just gonna have to deal with it. I rather be having a rough time with someone I love and adore than having happy times with someone I just think is nice to be with. I'm all about feelings which he is not but my feelings are what has kept me going in this relationship and I think of those cheesy sayings like "true love overcomes these obstacles." I feel like it'll work in the long run as long as we remain kool and our feelings are there. The only way we would stop in my book is if our feelings fade away or he hurt me really bad on purpose.

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          • [Old Memory]
            9 years ago

            When you say he hurts you is he physically violent or emotionally? If he's physically violent ever it's time to leave.

            In my last relationship I was never physically violent but my girlfriend would often cry and I would have no idea why. To me it seemed she was being crazy, but when she would explain things she would make it out to sound like I did something wrong. I don't really understand how peoples feelings get hurt so easily so it's easy for me to disregard other peoples feelings.

            Either way you should do what makes you happy and not live for anyone other than yourself. If your going to be with them you should learn to not be so sensitive.

            I was always personally annoyed when my girlfriend got upset because feelings seem so illogical and nonsense to me. I was content with her around as long as she gave me space but she wasn't happy with me so it was probably for the best we broke up.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              9 years ago

              No I don't mean physically just emotionally even tho sometimes ya we'll play around I'll bite him and he'll do something in return. Recently he bent my finger and it still hurts so its not like he hurts me on purpose but when he does, he doesn't take it into consideration.

              Once I move, which is in a month, I think I'll feel more freedom but I will miss him. Its so hard. I love someone and he makes me happy but right at the same time he makes me feel like shit.

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      • Fall_leaves
        9 years ago

        Did he have serious relationships before you? He could just be unsure of how to handle a relationship if he doesn't have much experience.

        I think you just need to be forward with him and tell him you want to know where he stands with you and your relationship. Don't settle for an excuse or an unclear response, he should be able to tell you how he feels.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          I think he has had two relationships and his last one was like two years ago and it was for 5 years. So like he told me, he's never had a "whatever relationship." If he is with someone, he'll take it seriously but this is the confusing part; he has a messed-up way of showing it. He's expressed to me that his past gfs have left him because of the same reason that he lacks expressing emotions and communication skills. So with that in mind all this time, I've forgiven him because I guess that's just who he is and it has nothing to do with me. Every time we're on the border of separating, he never says "okay lets stop" unless I keep forcing it. Instead, he explains how he has no idea where I am coming from. I don't think he is saying that to avoid the conversation because he really does come off as "clueless." You know when they say guys are blind and miss the clues, yeah that's exactly him. So I don't think he realizes he makes me feel these things.

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          • [Old Memory]
            9 years ago

            This sounds just like me too. Maybe he has Asperger's. I do and I have absoulty no insight into other peoples emotions or even my own and have trouble with communication. Other signs are if he is clumsy or has ocd behaviors.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              9 years ago

              Idk its weird, because when he realizes he cares he shows but the majority of the time he's just like "whatever"

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  • ExoticMayanSaturday
    9 years ago

    I don't know but my ex broke up with me through text after two years and getting me a ring so..they must just suck ass at breaking up

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Lol I think thats why girls (not all though)are looked as always asking for more because guys never give enough! They think they have but don't realize they are being half-ass about it. We look ungrateful but sometimes it really is because the guy doesn't give as much as he thinks he is giving.

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