Is it normal for guys to change in a relationship

47% Normal
14 Comments

I don't want to pour my entire relationship into this entry as wed be here all night! I recently ended it with my boyf of a year. I did not want to but I felt that this time I should think of my own happiness and no longer accept to be treated badly with little effort. I regret it everyday but have been comforted by the promises he has made saying he will get me back and that he will change for us to last. Up until the weekend he declared he no longer wanted to change. I feel so confused now as his last words to me previous to this was that he could spend the rest of his life with me if thins change and he wanted that. Now he says not really as he is afraid that we will end of fighting and upsetting each other again. Now am I asking too much of him by seeibg if he will make more of an effort to see me, show me love more often but above all believe thos can work. I dont know if Im being synical but my instinct believes he will change. .but when? What gesture will he make to get me back? Or will he make the effort at all?

That is my query. .can boys change? And if so should we be in contact especially after me ending it, all the while hoping he would change

Even if it is not normal any advice would be appreciated!! I broke my own heart but Im trying to figure out whether he or I has the power to fix it.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 19 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    People don't fucking change.

    I am getting so annoyed at listening to bullshit about peoples needy pathetic relationships, not just here but in real life too.

    It seems everyone is so desperate for intangible feelings that they put up with stupid bullshit and then complain when things aren't how they want.

    I wish I lived in a world where nobody cared about this stuff and everyone didn't need others to feel happy with themselves.

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  • jfredesturg
    9 years ago

    People do change, but only to an extent.

    I am a guy in a relationship and if my partner said she wanted me to be more appreciative or something, I would. It is just constructive criticism.

    If she asked me to change more drastically in a way that would go against my core values, there is no way I would. Although we are together, I need to put myself first and be who I want to be.

    Call me whipped, but this is me. Other people are different but for me this is normal.

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    • Peaches&Cream
      9 years ago

      Well I nevee looked at it like that, it is constructive criticism to an extent. So I shouldnt be made feel bad over it?

      If he wants to be with me, he will be some bit different

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  • lc1988
    9 years ago

    It's time to move on and find someone who doesn't need to change! He's out there.

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  • mixwell
    9 years ago

    I agree with bugs, people don't change if you expect your ex to change then you're pretty naive. Just move on, don't expect change..

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  • dom180
    9 years ago

    He is how he is because he wants to be. No-one wants to change. It's counter-intuitive to put yourself in a relationship which relies on someone changing themselves. If you want a certain type of person, go and find that type of person. Finding a different person and ask them to be what you want instead of who they are is unlikely to make either of you happy.

    You did the right thing in the end. Breaking up was good. The hurt does get better, and this grieving process and doubt is normal. However, breaking up is glorious and wonderful. Breaking up is what you do when you realize that you are a strong, valuable individual who is better than being treated badly and can make decisions to improve your life. It's deeply empowering.

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  • KeepsakeDoll
    9 years ago

    Partners don't change in relationships unless it's minor like a bad habit. When you want a guy to change and he says he will, don't buy into it too much. Give it a month at most. I had the same problem when I was younger and a few months after the break up I was much happier.

    So, your heart will mend. You did the right thing.

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    • Peaches&Cream
      9 years ago

      Does it ever get better? Each day i think things are better yet it geta harder. . Is a month too long? !? Am i being too easy on him

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      • KeepsakeDoll
        9 years ago

        By month I mean when you tell them to change and they say they will, wait for at least a month and see if they actually meant what they said. Since you've stuck with him for quite a long time and he hasn't changed, he clearly is not ready for a committed relationship.

        Breakups can be hard and can take a long time to get over depending on the person, but you will get past it. Just stay strong and know that one day, you'll find someone that doesn't need to change because he'll treat you well and make you happy.

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        • Peaches&Cream
          9 years ago

          Thank you truly for this reassurance

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Stop expecting him to change. Go find someone who meets ur needs as they are, or get used to they way ur current bf is right now.

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  • ILI1440
    9 years ago

    I know its the last thing you want to hear, but run. I went through this for two years with my ex, and when we were done i was over it, you may think you cant do it, or its going to hurt, or you cant even deal with the fact that he will be with someone else sooner or later. Trust me as much as these thoughts kill you, you will be fine. My ex never changed for me, and i gave him chance after chance, or he would act like he did, and go back to his old ways in matters of seconds. Its for your own good, and self worth. You will find somebody, or realize your happier single in the long run. I did.

    Good luck!

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  • Peaches&Cream
    9 years ago

    So diplomatic all of you!

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  • seakelp
    9 years ago

    You two should have kids. You'd make great parents.

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