Is it normal for guys to be this blind or heartless?

36% Normal

Sometimes my bf claims that I'm the one who makes him feel insecure and the one who has the lesser feelings in the relationship. Idk if he's just f*cking with me or he really thinks that which makes me believe how really clueless guys are. He is so confusing and I just don't understand him and not sure what to believe anymore. I'm always there for him even when he messes up. He should know how crazy I am about him. So it's either he really is blind and clueless or he turns it around to make me look like I'm the bad one. We were joking around and he recently said, "I'm trying to get with this girl (me) but she's playing hard to get but she's worth it so idc." I was like wow the second part about being worth it means a lot but the first part about playing hard to get? He must be crazy because idk what I have done to portray myself in that way. I told him he's got it twisted and it's actually him who plays hard to get and he didn't respond or I think replied but with a different subject. Weird. So are guys really this blind? or do guys just don't care about playing with someone's feelings and will do/say anything to mess with them? Either one is bad but I guess you can say I would hope he's just that clueless than having him play me.

Voting Results

36% Normal

Based on 14 votes (5 yes)

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Comments ( 22 )

NeuroNeptunian

9 years ago

It sounds more like he is just playing games. I don't know what to tell you except in my personal experience, guys like that become trouble down the road.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yeah I've been dealing with this for about a year and although my feelings are still strong, my patience is running out and I'm ready for a big big heartbreak. He's been acting like a good boy for the past month as we have been lomg distance and we've been doing better than before but hell still do things that confuse me. Not sure how to let go like I mentioned below, it's hard cause I'm crazy about him.
  
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  - NeuroNeptunian
    
    9 years ago
    
    That's when you ask yourself whose happiness is more important, yours or his? Because if the answer is his then it will get much more difficult from here on out and the longer you stay, the more difficult it will be to leave.
    
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thr

9 years ago

I don't know. It could be a case of viewing things with different eyes. If someone is insecure they may interpret the behaviour of someone they find attractive, in a way that fits with their insecurity. So if he is insecure, he may not see it as the most obvious truth that you would, of course, like him, or like-like him.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  As guys though, it's always hard for them to let go of their pride. They won't want to show their insecurity. He isn't the type to talk to a million girls and sleep with them. In fact, he has said he's afraid of sleeping with girls because they're "dirty" now and you don't know where anyone has been today. Plus, in the past, he says he's only had one gf for four years and we go through videos/pics of his family and friends and I see that he's not so in touch with is feelings and isn't affection. So knowing all of that of himself, might make him feel insecure with himself like he doesn't know if he is showing feelings or he doesn't know how to show his feelings. So perhaps, you might be right about the things I do or don't do fit his insecurity. But like I said, idk what I have done to show him I don't like him. I would like to text him all day and tell him cute things more often than we do and obviously show him my feelings but I don't feel right doing that when I don't get it in return. He has his "own way" of caring as we discussed but sometimes I feel like its bull and he just wants me to believe that so he can get away with his games.
  
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  - thr
    
    9 years ago
    
    My experience for comparison isn't great. I come to think of how I am prone to interpreting the facial expressions of girls that I catch glimpses of when I walk past them in the street, as more likely negative towards me than positive. That's far from being in a relationship like your guy.
    
    As for advice, well, heck if I know.
    
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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

You're right. You liking a douche means all guys are douches. Cus reasons.

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disthing

9 years ago

So because the guy you're with seems oblivious or unwilling to accept the fact that you're crazy about him, you think all guys might be blind/clueless/heartless?

What a fucking broad and useless generalisation.

Perhaps he's playing games, perhaps he's insecure and finds it hard to accept love from others - or needs constant and overt displays of affection, perhaps your behaviour or attitude conveys a lack of feelings toward him etc. The only person who knows the answer is him. Not us. We can't give you the answer - so try talking to him about it.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  No I never said all guys are like this. I'm asking for information in terms of guys in general. That's what general is, doesn't target every single person. Its like does every girl have long hair? Well in general but not all. Or are girls senstive? I would answer yes girls are sensitive in general. I just want a general answer if guys have these characteristics. But I think I got it from the rest tho, thanks.
  
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  - disthing
    
    9 years ago
    
    You're behaving like there must be a gender-specific reason behind his actions, like your boyfriend's attitude can be explained based on what's between his legs. Maybe you've been reading a lot of trashy magazines or something?
    
    As I said, you have to ask him. We know literally nothing about him except the tiny, tiny amount of biased information you've provided us. YOU have a better idea than we do, and he probably has an even better idea. All you'll get from this website is broad and inaccurate speculation (which is useless to your relationship).
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Unfortunately there is. Each gender has traits in common with each other. Most stereotypes have truth in them as much as we don't want to admit it or believe it.
      And apparently I don't have an idea anymore because I thought I did but I need some input from others. I have asked people in person and now on here so I'm just going to come down to a point and make a decision.
      And like you said, the only person who truly knows is HIM. But unfortunately, people lie and front. How can I tell if he's telling me the truth or he's just telling me something I want to hear? I have confronted him about something that I already knew what the truth was and he lied to my face. Then when I confront him about something I really don't know of, he gives me an answer and I don't want to believe it cause he might be lying again so we stop whatever we have and he comes back to me. I have no idea what to do with this guy because at the end of the day, its him who doesn't know what he wants and its making an impact on me and my brain and my heart but why do I deal with it? cause I have strong feelings for him and its not easy to just walk away without a real answer.
      
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thegypsysailor

9 years ago

Are you just now coming to realize this shit? Welcome to the human race, honey. Women are from Venus, men are from Mars. Good book, you should read it.

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

Some people dont need to comment on relationships that know nothing about them themselves

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

I didn't understand all of this but if anybody tries to project blame, that is always a bad sign. We all fuck up at times and we all have problems, but it is each of our own responsibility to admit to our shortcomings instead of putting them off onto somebody else and it sounds like your boyfriend tends to not be able to admit his own problems. It should never be someone's responsibility to let another ignore what they are guilty of.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yeah exactly and I feel like if I tell him I can't deal with it anymore and he needs to go and fix it, he won't care because he doesn't like to show emotion. He likes his ego and look like nothing bothers him. So i can never tell if its his ego or he really doesn't care.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    9 years ago
    
    It's impossible to ever know what someone is thinking.
    It is best to judge people based off of their actions and not their thoughts because actions will tell you what someone will continue to do but you will never know what they are thinking.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      So wouldn't you want to keep giving them a chance or at least help express what they are thinking? Personally, I don't like judging pple off of their actions because it doesn't always define who they are. They might be doing stuff out of fear or another lowkey reason. Maybe e they wish and are thinking of doing something good like he is. Maybe deep down he wants me to stay with him and if I leave, he wnt have the balls to chase me cause it's all about his ego but at the end of the day, he wants me. I wish there was some way to find out the truth.
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        9 years ago
        
        I have no idea what his motives are. I can explain things from my point of view though because I am somebody who is usually clueless to others.
        Personally most people are extremely clingy to me. They need things and it is mostly annoying because I don't ask for much.
        I also have no idea what goes on in peoples heads unless they tell me. I have no interest in playing with others feelings and would rather they kept most of them to themselves.
        I often wonder how I come off towards others.
        Also if I fuck up and people keep giving me a chance, I'm more likely to keep doing it because they obviously let it slide, so why should I care?
        
        Now for judging people for their actions, that is the only thing you should judge for.
        For example whatever somebody is thinking shouldn't matter. What matters is what happened.
        I could be doing yard work for somebody while I'm thinking about taking them behind the shed to slit their throat, but unless I actually slit their throat, it doesn't really make a difference as long as I did the work.
        On the other hand I could really want to help the homeless all I want, but sit at home jacking off all day, accomplishing nothing. Nobody was helped and in the end my thoughts had no meaning toward the actual situation.
        
        Stop worrying about what people think and worry about what they do.
        
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nakyanjabel

9 years ago

My dear,we'v all loved and we'v lost.Thats why some people gave up on love,bcz it hurts so much to let go frm that person that meant the whole world to u.lemme give u my personal experience,i let my bby daddy go,after 4yrs of denial.like there's sm way u feel that things will get better,but few pple are lucky to get wat they want .Am not tellin u to get rid of the guy,but better to nurse a heartbreak of less days.The ball is in ur hands dear,we are adults,we have different principles

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I've had the fear that I was going to experience having a lost love. So sad. But honestly, there have been times, and I'm still doing it, that I have left him but not directly just giving him the silent treatment like he'll do to me. But I give it to him like declaring I'm getting over it because I wouldn't give him the silent treatment when all I wanna do is talk to him. So when I do, he comes to me whether text or watever, and I'm just like "fuck I'm trying to get over you but you came back and said something right" and how could I resist hearing something so sweet from someone I adore? So I go with the flow and pretty much continue being with him. But recently, every time I'm feeling iffy about him like right now, I leave him hanging and if he comes back to me then yeah its prob cause he treats me like an option next to his work and other things. But if he doesn't come back to me which hasn't happen, then we'll both know it's over and just faded away without neither of us saying "it's over."
  
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nakyanjabel

9 years ago

Wow!
Ur crazy about him,thats the problem! dude is victimizing u.he ain't serious,believe me.we'v all played that game wnen u know the person is innocent but u don't love them no more. be careful with this guy,he doesn't love u the way u really want,lemme say ur in a rlshp with the wrong person

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I am crazy about him and that is the problem. I just wanna hold on to him and not chase him away. I'm afraid of losing him all because I was just thinking the wrong things and we could've been something. If I wasn't that crazy about him, I wouldn't have a problem letting him go but its so hard when you are. I don't want to kill it. But then its also hard to believe this guy you've built something with and gone through so much with is playing with me and doesn't tald me seriously.
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal for guys to be this blind or heartless?