Is it normal for an ex to want to be mistreated because i treated her so well?

27% Normal
20 Comments

Long story short. Girlfriend was treated like shit by all her boyfriends. One of them who she had a baby with abused her in every way possible. They lived together for a while. Drugs were involved too. She left him after the baby, got her degree, act together etc. This entire time she fought for custody of her child, and had lots of shit to deal with the kid's dad. Within that time she had a few relationships. Some were sort of normal, others ended up by guys cheating on her again.

6 years later. I came along, treated her with respect, didnt even want to start a relationship with her (not because I didnt like her but I had just started college and she had a kid) but we got into a relationship anyway. Treated her like an equal and didnt exert authority. Didnt even demand sex that much and this confused her. Inevitably 6 months later the relationship ended, because it was never meant to last.

2 years after the breakup (now) she confesses she realized she was a TPE (bdsm) 2 months after breaking up with me, and has embraced that way of living. She even told me that her year-long husband collared her and cheated on her. But she left him because things went too far. She says she wants to be someone's slave not just in the bedroom but everywhere, but then she wants that someone to respect her?

...

I was so hurt the moment I learned this but have gathered myself in the past hour or two. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this is crazy as hell?

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 11 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 20 )
  • TimmyTheTurtle
    9 years ago

    so she likes being abused? but you couldnt see that from her past? shes trash that likes to be treated as such.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I never ever thought of her as trash. And I never will think the same of anyone regardless of their past. She was good in our relationship. Confused and super self-conscious sure, but still normal, beautiful, and an inspiration.

      And then this happens. I am a liberal and respect everyone's way of life. But there seems something so wrong with this.

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      • TimmyTheTurtle
        9 years ago

        so your like the recycling man that takes reeeaaaaal good care of the trash? good for you! :]

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          If you saw her and the way she lives you wouldnt think for one moment she was trash.

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          • TimmyTheTurtle
            9 years ago

            oh i have seen her on the corner pullin tricks an she wanted me to ask you... how much will you give me for this bag of recycling? about tree fiddy?

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            • RoseIsabella
              9 years ago

              Tree fiddy... oh Lawd, it's dat Loch Ness Monster again!

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            • ImStillOP
              9 years ago

              (Still OP. Reached comment limit)

              Lol your last two sentences made me smile. Thanks, bud. I needed that.

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          • RoseIsabella
            9 years ago

            It's not what's on the outside that's messed up.

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            • ImStillOP
              9 years ago

              (Still OP. Reached comment limit)

              I won't deny that. But I can't help but feel guilty for this. And I don't know how to fix it.

              She now lives 5 hours away and I asked her to meet me. So I could maybe talk some sense to her. Or fucking yell some sense into her. But she said she "cant meet me." Yet she's still clearly hitting on me?

              PS: I have to confess I'm not the saint I look in my original post. Our breakup ended well but then I made the mistake of contacting her weeks later, asking her if she was seeing anyone, to get personal closure. She instead made it seem like she did something awful, either while we were dating or right after. But would never reveal what it was, saying "This is your attempt to make me look ugly." My curiosity got the better of me thinking a million times, "What did she do that you cant tell me?" and I had a mental breakdown/episode which took me weeks to recover from. During that period I sent her the most nasty texts and called her names, something I'm not proud of. But I wasnt in my senses.

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      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago

        That's because there's everything wrong with it! Now count your blessings it's over so you can meet a nice chick who respects and appreciates you.

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    • (s)aint
      9 years ago

      You are not trash for wishing to pursue a 24/7 BDSM relationship with a proper DOM.

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  • John__Cena
    6 years ago

    Had a gf like this. Her dad beat her and so did her ex. Eventually sje went running back to him because she clearly enjoyed being hit. Needless to say igot the fuck iut of there real fast. People like that a fucked up.

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    DADDY ISSUES. Wow. Some people are just like that. They like being submissive. And some take it to a whole other level. Trust me, this chick was messed up WAY before u got to her. She just didn't know it yet. Shit like that doesn't just pop up after a break up or after someone actually treats u right for once. Don't worry about it. Go buy some whips and chains and spit in her mouth.

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  • (s)aint
    9 years ago

    I like to be dominated and controlled in the bedroom too.
    Some people want to live in a 24/7 BDSM relationship and that's perfectly fine . It isnt about the Sub being less worth than the Dom. It's about mutual respect and love.

    Everyone that's into this scene knows that it's the sub that holds the most power.

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    • ImStillOP2
      9 years ago

      But in her case it isnt just about the bedroom. She wants to be treated like a slave in all aspects. I spent a lot of time with her. This isnt her. She stood up for herself when with me. Had a voice, had a say in matters. I made her have a say. Sometimes she just didnt like making choices and that's understandable. Many women have that. But she has taken this small part of her and magnified it to an extreme to make everything "easier." You hear so often power corrupts a man. There are very few BDSM personalities out there and out of those the ones who could be Masters but with a conscience are even fewer. What does that mean? She's looking at a life rich of abuse and failure. Like her first husband who not only grew to abuse her outside "contract terms" but even made her quit her job, putting her son out of school.

      The worst part is I did this to her. I once debated my point on view how I wasnt against the conservative man-woman relationship, where the man provides and woman willingly submits to him. That such dependent relationships tend to last too. Little did I know that I not only glorified this concept for her but she got brainwashed like a child, and after our breakup, in order to fill the vacuum of a controlling and selfish man who I never was, she nosedived into the extreme end of that spectrum. I would have just isolated myself from her business but I'm cursed with a big conscience.

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      • (s)aint
        9 years ago

        And again, some people want to have it 24/7 too ... BUT the risk in this is that she will attract Dominant men, and the risks are that they wont care much for her and her needs. A loving and caring Dom would put her needs above his own and in any sane 24/7 D/s relationship the Sub can "pause" it at any time if she needs some time off from it, and so can the Dom.

        I met a couple like this, quite peculiar to be honest but I could really see the love radiating out from this couple, she was even a bit displeased with him for going easy on her because she had an injury to her back ... >>

        But yeah, judging by her past she will probably just bounce from one abusive man to the next unless she's lucky enough to find a man that treats her well.

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  • dom180
    9 years ago

    Reminds me of a girl I was going out with about a year ago. She was abused by her previous boyfriend. She tried to leave him once, but he threatened to kill himself. I tried to persuade her to leave him, which she eventually did, but when she was with me she was obviously not happy. She left me for a new boyfriend, who I know nothing about.

    Abuse fucks people up a bit. It warps their priorities to the point where they don't make sense to other people. They might become so conditioned to it that they feel uncomfortable *without* abuse, at least in play form, because they don't understand that they deserve to be treated with respect and they don't know how to enjoy and appreciate vanilla love anymore. You can't "save" someone like that unless they want to change how they think about love.

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    • ImStillOP2
      9 years ago

      Some great points here. Unfortunately, it's just not in me to give up on someone I knew this intimately. If it doesnt work, at least I'll have the comfort that I tried.

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