Is it normal for adult children to have false memories?

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8 Comments

One adult child of mine occasionally comes up with things that nobody else in the family ever remembers happening in her childhood, and these things usually make us, her parents, look bad.
Sometimes I have apologized to her. I feel that even if those things aren't real, she THINKS they are, so I should deal with them. Sometimes she says, "that's ok, that was a long time ago and I'm over it". If she was really over it I would think she would quit bringing them up.
Some of the stuff she mentions happened a little bit on rare occasion, but not the way she portrays it, and some of it never happened.
Last night she called and talked to her Mom about an alleged incident between her brother and his girlfriend. She wants to help her brother recover some of his adolescent memories that were lost in an accident years ago. She got really upset when her Mom insisted such a thing never happened. If she shares this "false memory" with her brother it could be quite upsetting to him and his family.
How to deal with people you love who remember bad things that really didn't even happen?

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 24 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Chameleonhugs
    8 years ago

    As a child whose parents say I do this, this is a tough situation. Sometimes my parents deny certain events ever happened, but then another family member confirms my story, I find a picture or even an old email my mom wrote.

    Other times, I realize I have exaggerated the situation. It can be a mix.

    Are you 100% sure the events she say happened didn't? Does she have a history of lying? Most likely, she just remembers a more intense version of the story because she focused on one aspect, built it up and retold it to herself.

    If any aspect of her story is true, acknowledge that part. If you have proof that what you're saying is true, show it to her. Just remind her you're on her side, but part of that is making sure she knows the whole story instead of just her take on it.

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    • gloryholeflasher
      8 years ago

      Good strategy, however, in the latest incident the only part of the story that's true us that she has a brother.

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  • Beep_Beep
    8 years ago

    The family must unite to handle her mental illness. This includes Mom, Dad, all siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

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  • D'lirium
    8 years ago

    Someone's lying.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    Sometimes it seems the past doesnt quite add up with the present. False memories can be a common sign of mental illness, but it also seems like there are multiple pasts similar to how there are multiple futures.

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  • KingTermite
    8 years ago

    "How to deal with people you love who remember bad things that really didn't even happen?"

    Um... have them committed?

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    • gloryholeflasher
      8 years ago

      I'm gonna forget you even said that!

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      • KingTermite
        8 years ago

        Just don't falsely remember it later and it'll all be good.

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