Is it normal for a partner to act oddly when the other is sick or injured?

11 Comments

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. Over the Summer, I tore a ligament in my knee and about a week ago, I slipped on some ice and broke my foot. My boyfriend was nice when I hurt my knee; checked in to see how I was doing in the beginning, offered to being me dinner, offered to drive if we went somewhere, all while not doting on me too much to the point where I felt more goofy and awkward than I already did in my ugly knee brace.

This time around with the foot, he's been acting weird. He never asked how I was doing and it seems he's gone out of his way to avoid me. At first I thought he was trying to not make me feel awkward, but it seems he's actually ignoring me, almost completely. Things seemed fine before the foot incident, so I don't think it's a previous issue.

It's a difficult balance to strike, letting someone know you care, doing a little something to cheer them up, all while not making them feel more awkward than they already do because of an ugly bandage, crutches, etc.

I don't want him to make a big deal, but it would be nice for him to acknowledge what's going on and at least ask how I'm doing once in a while, or offer to drive. (He's asked me to go to his place since this has happened and he knows I cannot drive my car in a cast since it's a stick.) Oh, or clean up after himself when he's here. He did visit twice since I broke my foot. The first time he left dishes and garbage on my couch for me to clean and the second time, he showed up at midnight for a booty call, the day after I was casted and on a work night.

I rarely injure myself and it's never happened twice in one year.

If the roles were reversed, I'd bring him some movies and make him something special for dinner.

I'm beginning to wonder - What happens if we keep going, nothing happens with me for a few years, we marry and then I have a baby with him? Is he going to ignore me while I'm recovering?

I'm getting the impression much of our relationship is about him and feeling like when I'm "broken", I'm not of much use.

Is he turned off ? Any ideas why? 3
Is he just not sure how to act? 10
Has he formed an opinion, like I'm an attention seeker or a weakling? 4
Is our realtionship all about him? 9
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    You might be over-analyzing his reaction.

    I'll let you in on a secret about men... Sometimes they're clueless. They do NOT analyze things even half as much as we do.

    he may be "avoiding" you because... he simply didn't realize he was avoiding you. he may have no idea you wanted some extra attention.

    ask him to come over. see what happens.

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    • taciturn
      12 years ago

      I think we do analyze just as much as women, but not out loud and also we're fucking terrible at it. And we don't go quite so far as to think "BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN WE BABYTIME" after a broken foot.

      But yes, I agree it's likely he's being a little tone-deaf. Either way, the best thing is to talk to him - tell him how you're feeling and see if he's got a reason for it. Consider that maybe there's something amiss on his end. You said he was sweet and caring with the knee incident, so he may not just be a complete dickhole like Energy is suggesting. Just talk to him.

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  • Energy
    12 years ago

    To me he sounds like an asshole. He could atleast clean the fuck up after himself, not to mention clean after YOU because you're injured! I would certainly do that for my girl. He doesn't sound like he'd make the right husband. To be honest the way you described him, makes him sound lazy, ignorant, and non-caring.

    I suggest you have a serious talk with him. Or leave.

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  • rin
    12 years ago

    It was rude for him not to clean up his own mess and make you do it when you have a foot injury. That's not a guy being clueless thats a person being an asshole.

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  • karmasAbich
    12 years ago

    I can be very clueless I realized. I always thought I over analyzed things until a few weeks ago when i noticed I haven't been paying attention to anything lately. Maybe he has a lot going on, and he didn't realise. I'm sure you have figured somethig out by now. Just trying to reassure you that it is probably nothing.

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  • Avant-Garde
    12 years ago

    He could be a dick or maybe he just feels uncomfortable when people injure themselves.

    When Guy Ritchie was with Madonna, she apparently hurt herself while riding a horse, and he apparently laughed at her.

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  • fizzer
    12 years ago

    I'm so glad I decided to post this! Thank you for your comments, they're very helpful. I definitely need to talk to him. Will keep you posted and anyone new - additional comments are welcome!

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  • ariannel
    12 years ago

    He hasn't done anything for you since you broke your foot? He actually called you for a booty call the day after it happened???

    This is beyond clueless. Guys can be clueless but ..... a broken foot is not something you ignore.

    Even so - don't give up on him yet. Tell him how you're feeling. How he responds will likely give you more insight.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    It's all about him.

    He's using your injury as free time to catch up with his mates or play the xbox or whatever... You are right to wonder what he would be like as a husband or father - trust me, you'd be left to deal with it all. This should be a real wake up call for you. You have an opportunity to see the future.

    He's just a wee boy who's plaything is broken so he gets bored and dumps it in the corner. He is out looking for some new entertainment until the old toy gets fixed :o( Sorry but he's immature and there are thousands just like him :o(

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  • soupbowl21
    12 years ago

    Sometimes things that seem like big deals to us, males don't even think about. I don't think he's ignorant or uncaring, I just think he's being a clueless guy. He probably doesn't even realize that he is acting like this. Maybe just try talking to him about everything. And tell him to clean his damn garbage!! Lol, but overall, I don't think it is anything to worry about.

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  • fizzer
    12 years ago

    That's reasonable. Thank you for your input Angel_in_a_Glass_dress.

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