Is it normal for a life tragedy to effect your relationship with women?

78% Normal
6 Comments

I come from a family of four, only one brother and a mom and dad, and I have recently gone through a big life change.

Basically my Mom cheated on my dad for three months and now my fathers filing for a divorce. For the most part I've tried to be neutral and talk to both parents, but every time I talk and try to help my mom financially she just pushes me back and won't talk to me. this has happened for months with her not caring.

Anyway the last time I spoke with her, I called her to let her know I still cared, but after the phone call she tried to kill herself by overdosing on some medication. That's the last time I spoke to her, because of fear something else was going to happen to her if I spoke with her again.

Anyway relating this to my question...

I have never had a relationship with a woman before in my life. I'm 22, just graduated university working for a great company on a great salary and I've been told I'm cute. Why wouldn't I be happy right?

Anyway my friends try to help me out with getting in a relationship but I always blow them off telling them I'm too busy or not interested. When the truth is whenever I think of a woman I get depressed now.

The strange thing is I didn't feel this way before. I don't go to bars anymore, I don't like to go to parties etc.

Could my moms divorce/suicidal issues have an adverse effect on my relationships with women?
Is it normal for a life tragedy to effect your love life?

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 32 votes (25 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • boston12
    11 years ago

    its called baggage. dump it as it belongs to ur parents not u.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    it cud b worse but u need to stay possitive not all women cheat or try to kill themselves... i have tryed a few times cuz of wat happened to me from 6yrs on up.. i saw my mom abused alot by my dad... i was hit by him aswell... and a few years ago i was raped then just last year raped again by a different guy.. but im on meds and c a therapist.. im madly inlove with my fiance... im moving on from the hurt men caused me and getting married will b the best thing to happen to me!

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  • ohwhattodo
    12 years ago

    Your parents relationship was the "anchor" that sustained you since birth. YOU ARE GRIEVING A LOSS, JUST AS YOUR PARENTS ARE GRIEVING THEIR LOSS. Give yourself some time, I really suspect 6 months to a year from now, you won't feel this way about your own relationships. If you continue to feel conflicted, I suggest counseling; it's been a miracle in my life. Talk to your most trusted friend, maybe you can pinpoint exactly what's troubling you. Fear? Guilt? Distrust in women? (not all women cheat!). Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I don't really think your mom's affair had a big impact on you. I mean you sound like you still care about your mom, even though she destroyed your family life. Also, I went into this post with the preconceived notion that this was going to be a "all girls are jerks and don't date nice guys" rant. I was wrong and now have the impression that you are a mature person. In all honesty you sound reserved and taciturn. I suggests trying to get your friends to maybe hook you up but make sure that they know you want a relationship, not a one night stand.

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  • muddlethick
    12 years ago

    Yes, it is normal to have trauma effect your relationships with woman. Specially if trauma is related to a woman in the first place.

    Case in point. My ex, pretended to commit suicide on me, just so she could mess with my head. Then to top things off, she cheated on me with another man. Later that man killed himself. She later blamed me for that man's death, although I had nothing to do with his death.

    Before I met her I was fine and normal around women, and had good relationships with them, both as just friends and in romantic relationships with them. I had a hard time getting back on my feet after her, I didn't see a woman or date one for more then a year later.

    However. After a while I got back to normality. Although I still go to therapy for my troubles, and still have depression from it.

    You should try to befriend more women, not seeking to date them, but just hang out with them. Once you get comfortable around them and see that most women are not "messed up," you should then start dating again.

    You might also want talk to a therapist. They don't make the trauma go away, but having a two way dialogue with someone does help sort out your issues so you can sort them out yourself. .

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  • equanimity
    12 years ago

    Find a happy older couple and use them as an example of what a loving relationship is about; you're parents didn't do a very good job of setting an example for you, but don't let it get you down.

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