Is it normal for a guy to hold back from someone he's starting to really like?

48% Normal
8 Comments

I know guys are more afraid of attachment and intimacy than girls are. But I would think once he is starting to show you he really wants to be with you then he's there 100% and there's no holding back bullshit cause he's 100% sure of you and thinks you're worth it.

Well thats what I thought of my bf was finally going through. He's always hesitated about me like he would hold back, be distant cause yeah I guess he didn't want to get hurt again so we were just "seeing" each other. Lately though, like the past two months, he has shown a whole different of him that I knew there was but was hidden under this pride of his. Hes been more attentive of me, affectionate, sweet and I just got a sense of him finally feeling sure of me and wants to be with me. But ughhh he's doing it again. He's been so distant these past few days for no freaken reason in terms of us. The last time we hung out we had a great time then the next two days he didn't talk to me at all. I would text him, no response. This is just so incredibly annoying because it's inconsiderate of him to just leave me hanging without a heads up. If he's going through something, let me know. Don't tell me every detail if you don't want to but at least let me know you're going MIA cause u need space. But no I feel like he doesn't respect me enough to let me know. It is just SO so so odd for him to do this after everything's been great.

Then I got the sense that maybe he knows he starting to really like me that he needed to step back, get his focus back and refuel cause I was being a distraction for him. Yes he is busy but really? Not busy enough to not text me at all. I am just so angry at this point cause I don't deserve this and it disappoints me that he's still doing these distant things he used to before even when we've been doing so great.

Voting Results
48% Normal
Based on 25 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • TrustMeImLying
    8 years ago

    Well, somtimes when you hang out with a SO and spend enough time, it's kind of like you get a good enough "fix" to be able to live on that for a few days without feeling the need to contact them.

    This is just a different perspective to give you some insight though. It doesn't justify him not replying to you. IMO concise replies or not initiating/continuing conversations is very understandable... but completely ignoring communication is not.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      I just feel.like that's giving him an excuse to not talk to me. Like okay I understand we had a great time so that's enough see you next year. No. I just have to talk to him and when I finally did ask him what's going on, he didn't even open my message. He's literally avoiding me. Ahhh I just wanna get this over with. What is even more annoying is the way he is. I know that once we get into this convo, he's gonna tell me its not a big deal or I'm crazy or need to relax. No I can't relax when you've obviously been avoiding me. He takes it as a joke or not seriousky enough like he can get away w this. I'm sorry but I know i sound clingy but the truth is its not right for him to do this, to just not communicate w me and then sit back when I'm pissed off and annoyed.

      If this was happening like last year then okay I kind of understand since we weren't serious and he would lag it a lot but now that he has shown me this side of him where he does wanna be w me, this whole thing is inexcusable. He couldn't have just put on an act for all those weeks he was being good to me and leading me on. Why would he that plus he's not that type to just use his valuable time and play someone. So that's why just not understanding why he's avoiding me after showing me he wants to be with me.

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  • victorygin
    8 years ago

    I think TrustMeImLying gave a great response; there's no real excuse for ignoring you completely. That's just rude. As you said, you deserve better and it's disrespectful.
    And also true about needing personal time.

    But is it normal for a guy to back off, consolidate, become a bit distant? Absolutely. Especially if he's a guy with relationship experience, who doesn't want to get in too deep with someone. He's learned that relationships break up, and that fuckin hurts (yes, men have feelings!) and lots of guys are wary and basically protecting their own mental health by avoiding situations that may lead to heartbreak.

    But maybe that's not even the reason in your case. I can't tell.
    Whatever it is, your guy is being a bit rude and disrespectful. That's not good.
    I think the solution is definitely not to keep poking him for communication. Let him have his time. Tell him straight up if he's rude. And if it's too much, get out there and hang out with other friends... flirt with other guys... Let him know you're not to be taken for granted.
    Might not be popular advice, but that's what I think.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Yeah I just told him he's being rude and called him out on being distant from me and he didn't really respond to that cause he knows I'm right so instead he jumps to the conclusion that this is the reason why he doesn't wanna be in a relationship, cause of these arguments. It wasn't even am argument I just pointed out what got me upset and wanted to hear for him why was he doing it and that's it but no he got frustrated that he got caught and can't find an explanation. He hasn't even shown compassion either but instead points to me like I'm the crazy one. Gee thanks for making me feel better. The fact that he made that statement out of nowhere gives me an idea why he was being distant. And its sad. So apparently he doesn't wanna be in a relationship which is why he wasn't communicating. What makese angry is the day before he went mia we were fine and happy so why suddenly? Ugh it just pisses me off

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      • victorygin
        8 years ago

        Yeah, that's weird... And honestly, to be blaming it on you (or on the "arguments") seems a little bit immature and lacking self-awareness. Not trying to put the guy down, but that just kinda pisses me off when people can't be honest, even to themselves about what's going on.
        Anyway... so you think he just doesn't want to be in the relationship?
        What's the deal now? Is it a break up..?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          Were still in the middle of arguing cause he doesn't realize it's cause of him were still arguing. After that statement about not wanting to be in a relationship, I told him I just want to know why did u avoid talking to me those days after we had a good time and he responded to me in a sarcastic way. He just sends me a smiley face and says "idk what you mean by that" He usually makes a joke out of a situation to avoid heated arguments cause he just can't deal with arguments in general. Idk if he does it to cheer me up and lighten things up or he literally doesn't give a sh*t. We have the same sense of humor so I'm guessing he's just trying to cheer me up but he's still not taking this seriously and it pisses me off. So I didn't give in and asked him why can't he just apologize for being distant if he didn't mean to be distant and upset me? If he cares about my feelings he would say "sorry didn't mean to upset you, I was mia cause...."And that's it. But nooo Idk what's his deal. Hes in denial and so stubborn that he can't apologize. He doesn't realize he's the reason why it turns into an argument but no he thinks he never does anything wrong. So he hasn't responded at all. Its the next day and yeah no response yet after I asked him to apologize.

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          • victorygin
            8 years ago

            Sounds like if he wants to be alone, or doesn't want the relationship, then that's what he should get!
            Leave him and see what happens...
            And he'll probably come crawling back ..ha

            That's just what I think, but yeah... Hope things work out, anyway.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              8 years ago

              Yeah I don't plan on talking to him until he talks to me again but at the same time I wanna talk to him and ask him why is he being like this? I have the right to wonder why since I'm his Gf plus I can't let him get away with having all of my love then go mia, that just angers me.

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