Is it normal for a girl to be this way?

50% Normal
4 Comments

Hi there!

I'm soon to be 25 (I'm very petite and look way younger), girl... But I've always struggled with my gender identity. I just feel like something's not quite right about my body, like I have male parts missing... I don't mind being seen as a girl, but then again, maybe I'm just used to it... I don't know, it's confusing and also hard to explain.

Anyway, enough about that... I dress punk-ish and also very girly, except I never wear any makeup. I'm bare-faced all the time. I love to wear skirts, dresses, cut off shorts. I cannot stand pants/jeans, because they feel very uncomfortable to me. I also wear my short, blonde hair in a fluffy, high ponytail with a headband. And if it's not in a ponytail, then I have it down with a beanie on.

I think I definitely do have a guy'ish looking face, so I feel dressing so girly and no makeup makes me look a little bit like a male crossdresser... I'm not, but I wouldn't be surprised if anyone thought that about me... I've tried wearing makeup, but I could never apply it correctly, and I don't really care to learn. I often feel bad when I see girls with makeup and they look beautiful, and I look so...plain, I guess (my face anyway. I get told all the time that I have good clothing style, and definitely not plain). I hate myself for having a guy'ish looking face, just because I feel like nobody will ever like me...

I've never been in a relationship, but there's no doubt that I love girls. Girls are so sexy and I always catch myself staring at them, especially at their asses. Whenever I see a sexy girl, it turns me on. A lot. And I can definitely see myself being in a relationship with a girl. I wonder if a girl would ever find me attractive enough to be with me... I never look at guys, because they do nothing for me. In fact, I think they're kind of disgusting... I could never see myself with a guy. A few years back, I was sexually abused by one of my brothers, so I don't know if that has anything to do it with it or not...

I do live, and hangout with my brother (aka my sexual abuser...) usually at least a few hours a day, and I do love him as a brother... But, other than that, I'm literally alone all the time, because I don't have any friends. In fact, I've never had any friends in my entire life (serious) due to shyness. I do everything alone pretty much... Shopping, etc... I guess I'm used to it though...

Once in a while, I drink alcohol to try and forget about everything's that's wrong with me. Sometimes I cut, but I've mostly stopped cutting since adopting my dog two years ago.

Am I normal? Please be honest.

Thanks in advance.

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 20 votes (10 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 4 )
  • CDmale4fem
    6 years ago

    I feel maybe the unsettled abuse issue with your brother, its never been dealt with. You never got the chance to speak your mind and get it off your chest. I am a male crossdresser, like you, I was also victim of sexual assault. The military and VA call it M. S. T. = Military Sexual Trauma, I have dealt with depression for the majority of the last 30 years. I would suggest a good counseling session to confront your brother and at least be able to say how you really feel about it. You should NOT feel ok about it. You should want to beat him, kick him, just something to make him hurt the way he hurt you. Please try it. It could work wonders but you won't know if you dont try. Good luck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • dale080988
    7 years ago

    A say just be your self who cares what other people think just be what you want to be and don't let it bother you

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • CreamPuffs
    7 years ago

    I think you're a girl, just a bisexual one. But your brother probably ruined guys for you. That bastard. Obviously you can't help whether you love him as a brother or not, but he doesn't deserve any kind of love.

    To answer your question, yes. It's normal and fine for you to be this way.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • riffraffy
    7 years ago

    You're not normal and probably a bit broken, but I think you'll make it out okay. You're 25: your focus should be achieving more independence, getting away from your family and becoming your own woman.

    If you're insecure about your face then join the club. Make an effort to learn makeup, there's thousands of videos on youtube about it. Improving yourself a little each day is how you build self esteem.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1