Is it normal every conversation with my mom is unpleasant?

71% Normal
5 Comments

My experience with her has been nothing but these bipolar-like outbursts (she isn't bipolar as far as I know, but that is the best way I can describe it) that make me hate just being around her. Either she will start up being demanding and annoying or lull me into thinking she is being nice, then switch out her personality.

This literally happened a few minutes ago:
I was reheating my food and sat down when my mom interrupted me.
“Have some salad. Why are you so upset?” I wasn’t, but but whatever.
Before I could breathe she called out “Hey! Don’t scratch up the wall with the chair!”
I hadn’t even moved and she was yelling at me again.
After I showed there was plenty of space between the chair and the wall (putting my hands in the space), I was upset now. Out of anger I shifted to a different seat and she made another remark.
“And don’t do the same with the laptop. You didn’t pay for it.”
After that I wasn’t in the mood to eat, so I just went back to my room.

I've tried (off and on again) to reach out to her, although not very frequently. After I had given up she decided to reach out (off and on again), just as infrequently as I did. I don't trust her.
There have been several times (just before the argument above, actually) where she kindly asks me "what's wrong?", but then adds "I didn't give you a reason to be angry." She never thinks she does anything wrong.
A long time ago I've tried to tell her that I don't want a relationship with her because she never listens to me and can't realize when she is in the wrong, and she insisted that she will do better. It's been over five years, and she probably doesn't even remember that happened.

People always say you have to treat your parents with respect and love them unconditionally, but it is so hard to when every conversation has at least one "why aren't you doing ___?" or "go do ___!"
I've finally bothered to do more chores on my own, but it feels like she is LOOKING for things to yell at me about. Any chance she gets is an opportunity to nag me or tell me lessons I've already heard a million times.
It really feels demeaning at times because she has said that I was clever before (I do pretty well in school), but she doesn't think I know the most basic levels of stranger danger on the internet?? It really does feel insulting.
I am almost on my way to college, so this is giving me an extra level of anxiety. I don't want her to constantly tell me "I pay for your college so you HAVE to listen to me!" or "Just because you're in college doesn't mean I'm not your mother?" I don't want her to have constant tabs on me, I don't want her to be personally involved in my college life, I don't want to have financial ties to her.
I just want to live my life.

I have mild anxiety and depression, and it seems as though most of it stems from my environment. My school, my "friends", my family, EVERYTHING. I feel so trapped and I'm scared I will be stuck here forever if I don't get my degree and move ASAP. I have to leave and find myself. If I don't do it now, I'll never escape this.

Anyways, what do you think? Is my mom being too much or no?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 7 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • NameIsTaken
    6 years ago

    Maybe she is just lonely and frustrated ( job or w/e) and she need to let it out on someone ( like on you). Idk, i know way to less to tell you what the problem is but what i can tell you is that its normal with a slight hell nah.

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    i feel your pain as my mother was insane as well. I'm beginning to think most humans are crazy. growing up after age 16 i had to buy my own food and clothes. i had a pair of tennis shoes and one pair of boots in my closet , she made me put my boots in the barn so rats would piss and shit inside them . she was just bat shit crazy and i know i should forgive her but we only live one time. let god forgive her i can't help her. she hated my guts then. and she knew how to let me know it. it will get better when you leave. she will as you suspect want to control your life by using guilt trips ,

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    She sounds neurotic.

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Unfortunately, if your Mom is supporting you and you're living at home, then you pretty much have to put up with her. That may suck, but that's how life works.

    And if you think it does suck, just wait until you're out there in the big, bad world, dealing with sucky bosses and sucky utility bills and sucky car mechanics and every other bit of the sucky world that your Mom is currently handling on your behalf.

    I've never believed parents are entitled to unconditional love (and I speak as a parent). Part of growing up is accepting that your parents are just people who sometimes do dumb, unkind or utterly ridiculous things because they they're just people doing the best they can in a world that can be pretty damn sucky at times.

    You can't control what your mom does or says. The only think you can control is how you choose to respond to her.

    If she says something you know is wrong and it doesn't REALLY matter, you could decide to debate the point with her. Alternatively, you could just say to yourself, "I know that's wrong, but I also know there's no point trying to prove it," nod politely and move on. If she says something you find hurtful, you could decide to call her out on it. Alternatively, you could just say to yourself, "That's your opinion," and move on.

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    • eireverssim
      6 years ago

      Very wonderful and interesting point. Also very ideal. Nontheless, sometimes what's ideal doesn't always work for the best. Honestly I am tired of thinking beyond the words I hear or the actions I see that a particular someone does, and trying to understand every single time. There should come a point where you let them know what you think, contrary to what they believe, your truth, and not allow them to think you actually believe and accept what they think of you. It doesn't hurt to do that once in a while, in fact it might even help. Cheers.

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