Is it normal can't tell if boyfriend is cheating on me while on break?

40% Normal
11 Comments

First he and I took a break because his father died about a year ago and he said he didn't want to burden me because I am currently fighting depression because my cousin died a few months ago and she was one of my best friends. I wanted him to stay with me but he was very depressed too and said he needed to do lots of entertaining things to distract himself (he kept going out drinking, to parties, etc) and felt worse when we were together as he couldn't comfort me and he wouldn't let me comfort him.

So it's been really hard. We were together 10 years and we don't know how long the break would be but it's been 2 months and during that time by looking at his families pages (ya I stalked), I saw a photo of him and a girl I know he met only months ago together sitting together at a table at his cousins 21st birthday with their heads leaning together.

From then noticed he's tagged with her going out to different festivals. He's bisexual and most of his friends are women but I don't know what to think. Why would he invite a girl to his cousins 21st birthday other than he's dating her? Unless I'm paranoid.

Is it normal

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 10 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • EnglishLad
    5 years ago

    I don't believe all this "we're on a break" bullshit. If he's left you and you don't know when he'll take you back, you've gone through a breakup.

    Cut yourself off from him for your own mental sanity. Go right ahead and sleep with someone else who takes your fancy.

    No-one is irreplaceable, especially not someone who uses a bereavement in the family as a way to leave you and find someone else. That's just pure cowardice.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    If ya'll are on break it's not cheating.

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  • Notderanged
    5 years ago

    Agreed, the only "break" in relationships are break-ups.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      We needed the break though we agreed on it

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      • Notderanged
        5 years ago

        You can tell yourself that it's just a normal break and you'll get back together all you want. In the slight chance you do get back together, no problems will be solved. I wish you the best of luck though.

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  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    I don't know if there's ever been in any research into "breaks" in informal relationships, but people have looked at how many "trial separations" end in divorce or reconciliation. In the vast majority of cases, separations don't help people get back together, but instead end in divorce.

    From what you say, it sounds like you two were not only incapable of helping each other to get through the pain of your losses, you were actually having a negative effect on each other. Rather than dealing with this, you took the easy way out and avoided the issue by not seeing each other anymore.

    It also sounds like you haven't talked to him about your concerns or what you want to happen in the future. Instead, you're just assuming that because you mutually agreed on a "break" at one point, you will inevitably get back together again at some unspecified time in the future.

    I suspect the other replies are right: you're in denial if you believe this relationship is still just in Pause mode. From what you say, I don't think that's a great loss. You may have been together for ten years, but you appear to have serious problems with honest communication, and you both sound like self-obsessed people.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    There is no such thing as break. A "break" from a relationship equals to a break up, no matter how hard things get in your lives. It's just a fancy word for saying it without being rough. When your partner says "I want a break from the relationship" it means "I don't want you anymore". Most likely it also means "I already met someone else I want instead of you". It's one of the oldest things in the world. I can't tell you how many people used this excuse in my experience with others just to hide the interest for breaking up/being with someone else. Keep this in mind forever.

    You're done with him. That's all you need to know. You're not paranoid, you are getting aware of the situation, which is great progress.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      We agreed on the break because we were constantly needing support and we couldn't support each other. We literally agreed on it. We were together 10 years not like I don't know what he actually means.

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      • [Old Memory]
        5 years ago

        That means you are no longer interested in that relationship. There is no break. It's a full stop. You don't return after a break. Things will never be the same if you attempt to do so.

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      • McBean
        5 years ago

        There is no commitment during a break. It is unreasonable to call it cheating. Of course it will bother you. Find a new boyfriend.

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  • Handyman
    5 years ago

    If you need a break then you need to cut the relationship, or you will constantly need a break.

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