Iin, being 40yrs old, to still be traumatized by my father's abuse?

87% Normal
9 Comments

My father was abusive towards me almost since I remember, verbally, psychologically. To the extent that I messed up my life, maybe trying to find happiness somewhere else, or maybe trying to get his attention. The crazy thing is that I still need to feel and believe that he really loves me and supports me, but in reality he still as cold and cruel as before. It seems he hates me, etc. The problem is that I can't get over it, and have not done anything productive with my life, suffering deep depression for more than 20 yrs., my life is a mess, like I am sort of still expecting his approval and unconditional love and support. To make it worse, I am now 40 yrs old. It's a terrible dependence that has undermined my self-confidence, and driven me to life-long depression. I have not been able to realize my dreams and projects, so I want to know if it is really just a cowardly excuse not to live my life, or is there really something wrong with me related to what I think is this trauma?

Voting Results
87% Normal
Based on 31 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    I still suffer from PTSD endured from 12 years of bullying in the jail called school. I'm 36 and failed my life too.

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  • Mersaphe
    10 years ago

    Completely normal, some things you never forget no matter how hard you try to erase the memories.

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  • wannabenerd
    11 years ago

    I can't tell you how sorry I am for you. Tears came into my eyes when I read your story :'(

    I wish you all the best

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    • Daxus
      11 years ago

      Thanks for your well wishes.

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  • Daxus
    11 years ago

    This is a post, that suddenly dissapeared, but also helped me:
    FrancoisDillinger says:
    If someone refuses to realize the mistakes they have made then they'll never feel the need to change.

    I sort of had a situation like this with my grandmother only difference is I said fuck her. I'm trying to coach my mom through it still.

    I know because it's a parent it must be extremely difficult. I can't imagine having to do what I'm about to advise you to do, but I think it would be the best bet for you.

    You have to give up on him, man. It's been 20 years and you realize the problem. Now it's time to fix it.

    I did it to my grandmother. It wasn't easy but it wasn't hard once I realized what a horrible person she is. Like I said I know it's different with a parent.

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  • tiggerandpooh2012
    11 years ago

    I would definitely seek professional help, because you seem to need another person to help lift this burden. Also, childhood trauma can be the catalyst for mental disorders which can make it hard to function in life. I wish you great luck in your endeavors and hope that you may find some peace in your life.

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    • Daxus
      11 years ago

      Thanks.

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  • FreDraken
    11 years ago

    This sounds like a very serious burden to you. I don't think you will make any progress by just continuing to ponder about it on your own. You're already 40 and you're still stuck.
    I would advise you to seek some professional counseling ASAP.
    Best wishes!

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    • Daxus
      11 years ago

      Thank you very much for your kind words and advice.

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